I did it

So, finally, after quite some time of deliberating what to do, I finally did it. I sort of faced my fear. I know for sure that I still, in fact, like him, because I cannot stop thinking about him. It is hard for me to admit it, but it’s true. So what I did was I asked to meet up. He showed up and I can’t contain myself but had to tell him that. There is perhaps some part of me that is still withholding some of the things I am feeling, but at least I am facing something unknown. I try to think positive and to not worry. I still strongly believe that a relationship is suppose to help you grow. Therefore, it is healthy.

The last thing I want is to not worry him about stuff. It would break my heart to know that I am doing that. Hopefully, thing can simply be casual and natural. Do not settle is the word that will be my motto.

I wish this friendship the best if I think of him as a friend then, it’s much easier for me because I do expect a lot of things. Therefore, we should take it slow like really slow.

How do I feel about him? I like him. He’s interesting, can be weird sometimes, but overall interesting. He is nice, however, I really wanted to take it slow. I will not rush into anything. This is something to definitely be aware.

Dear God, I wanted this relationship to be focus on you, even though, he is not there with me. Regardless of such, I know where my eyes should be focusing. I must focus only on you. Help me God. I prayed for self-control and intersection with him with a lot of people.

Saturday

I had just realized how long it has been since I starting to blog again. It has indeed been awhile. Last night, I locked myself out because I left the keys to my apartment at the restaurant where I worked until 11 last night. I put the keys in the cabinet at job when I first arrived, left it there and forgot to grab it when my work finished. I sat for almost an hour waiting for my roommate to get back to her apartment. The thing is that I didn’t have her number to begin with. What I did was that I called my friend and I ended up spending the night at there place. It was fun. It was late, but it was a good experience–knowing that having a friend is a blessing. I am grateful to God for bringing good people in my life and for my grandma’s prayer because she also prayed for me to meet good people. I am not quite sure of how I acquired this. The last time I noticed that my throat hurts was last Thursday while I was eating omelet and oat meal. Suddenly, I throat began hurting and has not stopped since. I am a little concerned as I rarely got sick. It has been 8 years and I haven’t been majorly sick from flu, cold, strep throat, etc. I hoping that my immune system is taking its action for my throat to get better and feel better.

Today, is TTU first home game. There are lots of people gathering, not as much as I have seen at BU yet. I wanted to make it to the football game one day, but with people who love  and competitive about football. My friends would go just to go, but they don’t care too much about football. When I go, I really do watch and pay attention to the game. I need to go with someone who I can cheered with. I should get some rest now, so that my immune system can work its magical healing power.

I forgot to mention that today at 11, I went to help out at the TTU community garden–it was fun and a good way to get some sunlight, which has vitamin D.  I got some beans, tomatoes, and basil leaves. It was great. The fruits and vegetable at the community garden taste so much better than the store bought. It was magical seeing all the insects, compose, gar beds, and many grown plants. It was truly amazing. Anyway I met new people named Kristen and Jorden. They were nice.  I also met Emmanuel who is also known as the Composer because he was in charged for the compose pile. I am so glad to be part of the community garden. It was truly beautiful.

Anyway, I have to be at work by 5 pm today and honestly, I genuinely rest and relax. This job pays me, but then it is also can be tiring. I am considered quitting because I need some rest from school and the weekends are the times I will get some rest. It will be hard to tell my boss that I am quitting because he was a great boss–kind, understanding, and generous. He is also a really great cook. He would make me delicious meals and make it according to my diet because he knows that I am a pescatarian.

For some weird reason, my throat feels a little better. I forgot to inform that I might be getting a job at TTU in the microbiology lab, which I am down to work for. I will even get pay to do the work. I am excited. This job is also a reason why I might considered not working at the restaurant anymore. I like working there because I get to meet people, be nice to them, and eat delicious meals. But, I would love to work at the lab even more because I will get to learn laboratory skills, which I craved! I am going to work this week and tell Eric soon about my quitting at the restaurant. It will be so hard for me to do.

Another thing I wanted to tell is that it has been 4 months going to the five since I broke up with my first encounter with a boy-relationship–a getting to know phrase and I still think about him. I am so selfish in a sense that I wanted to be his friend, but nothing more. I just wanted to hangout. But then again, this is only my wish. Anyway, I don’t know if I want to forget him. I am sure I won’t forget him because he was my first sort of romantic relationship. Anyway, he is another reason why I restrain myself from eating at my favorite place on campus :/ Ugh, why does it have to be this way. Ugh. If we’re good friend then I think it won’t be as uncomfortable. Whatever. I need to just be better. I am going to rest now.

(Meal Plan) for the fall semester

For breakfast:

  1. 3 soft boiled eggs with 2 toasts
  2. smoothies
  3. oat meal and smoothies
  4. bananas

For snacks:

  1. mixed nuts
  2. dates
  3. banana

For lunch: (In case of emergency)

  1. Veggies/black-bean burger = $4.00
  2. Tuna sanwich = $3.39
  3. fresh plates (lunch and dinner) = $8.27
  4. veggies bowl at the SUB =

For lunch: (home-made)

  1. salads
  2. guacamole with chips and salsas
  3. spagetti
  4. pad thai?
  5. omelet with rice and ketchup
  6. veggies bowl
  7. fried rice
  8. veggies burger
  9. tuna sandwich

For dinner: (home-made)

  1. guacamole chips and salsa
  2. veggies burger
  3. lots of fruits
  4. fish with Spanish rice
  5. fried eggs with rice
  6. salads

For dinner: (outside)

  1. Panda Express = $ plus tax
  2. Chipotle = $6.50 plus tax
  3. Fresh Plate = $8.27 plus tax
  4. (Tuesday) Rosa’s Café – Taco Tuesday = $

For lunch: (after church)

  1. Cracker Barrels = $ 8.69 (Plate) $11.57 (3 fishes)
  2. Jason’s Deli
  3. Thai Kitchen
  4. Pei Wei

 

Self-Awareness

I starting to realize why I don’t want to be in relationship.

  1. The guy has to be worth it
  2. I must be able to express myself and be truthful, not only to the other person, but also to myself
  3. I need to not be self-fish and be overly sensitive
  4. Be able to tell or regulate why a certain things is bothering me
  5. If it bothers me, I must be able to internalize whether it is reasonable to discuss to the person or I can rationalize it and overcome the concern

So, this is a few things I am able to sort of conclude. Hoping for many mores and for a good semester! Thank God for the wisdom he has given me.

My experience with a mentor

Sometimes with the trust in God, with his plan and dedication, He leads us to the path that is right for us.

As I walk into the health science center one day in the afternoon, looking for a particular person who does a hiring process for the lab at the medical center. I walked around looking for someone who can help answered my question. Ideally, I want to get a job working at the lab. I walked around and saw a sign that says “nutrition,” so I went inside, talk to the receptionists, explains to her my concern. The receptionist went to grab her superior and I went inside to talk to her, explain what I had told the receptionist she, by the name of I do not remembered, gave me two names of professors, which after I thanked her genuinely, left the room, dialed the number and made the call. A person I was trying to reach by the name of Dr. LC answered the call and that when the story begins.

With God helps and mercy, I was granted the opportunity to train under Dr. LC’s lab. The first time I met him when I came for our first appointment. He welcomed me in. I sat across from him at the his organize working table and he asked me “Why are you here and what do you hope to accomplish?” It was an on-point, straight forward question that I like. I told him my intention and for whatever reasons he accepted. We met again soon after and he couched me on numerous interesting topics. One thing I had say about Dr. LC is that he is a great story teller. He made it more meaningful, real, and vivid. He is honest and funny. He showed me around his lab. I met his wife there as well. They have one daughter named Alexandria.

Every time I met Dr. CL and by the end of our meeting I would walked out of his office as if I have just came out of a movie theater. It was a fun, exciting, and alarming experience I went through. It was exhilarating.

He told me to hit the book, to enjoy the process, to have passion, and to pour myself into science. He inspires me for his advice and his love of science–and in what he does. Rarely, have I met people who loves and passionate about what he/she does. People goes to work for many different reasons, Dr. CL goes to work because he enjoys it. I want to wake up and go to work because I love what I do. To find a reason to live. When I go to work, I want to wake up excited about my job or when I left for work, I want to also be able to look forward for the next day to come back–to always find a reason to come back, to love what I do. Aside from family, most people living in this society have a job and other responsibilities. When I have a family, job is something my family would most likely not involve, it’s something I will experience on my own aside from them. And I want that to be enjoyable as much as my time spent with my loved ones.

I want to get publish as well.

Tired

I am so tired. It is more like a disappointing sort of tired. When you hope for something and you didn’t really get it. Or perhaps I forgot that God is in control always. I genuinely lost track of thing. I didn’t pray as much or do bible studies as much and I honestly don’t think that I am going last without God’s help and mercy.

I am messed up times and times again. I am prideful as well as selfish. It is  disappointing and I am not sure if adulating is the right word. I simply wanted to be such and such, but it seems almost hopeless for me at time. Whenever I get bad grade mostly. It is tiring and simply sad. I am not sure how to get out of this. Should I keep on going like this or should I adjust and change strategies. I am not sure.

Please God help me to accomplish my task at hands. I am hopeless and really need help. Oh God please help me to be the person I ought to be for you. Help me to form a good relationship with others and to treat and see other as how I want to be treated and to love them.