To be honest…

I am not sure what I want, I think I know what I want, but then, there are times when my interest switches. I think I wanted to be a doctor, it has pretty much been this career. Maybe my dad place this idea on me as a young child and it has been on my mind ever since. Or maybe I do truly wanted to be a doctor even before he suggested to me. I don’t know.

You know what kind of life I had the idea of wanting to live? A life simply doing what I want, why can’t I just do that then if I lose interest in that one particular thing, then most likely there is something else I wanted to pursue. I hardly met anybody with 2 or 3 jobs. A doctor, but also an architect and an artitst. A doctor and an entrepreneur, who own a business like a little shop. Okay, these type of people do exist, of course. It seems like once you are a doctor, that is most likely your one and only job.

Being an architect has been a dream of mine, since little. I like to build and create thing with my own hand. I thought I wanted to be a surgeon, a general surgeon. One because of the stability—I suppose, the salary, reputation, respect, and credential. The helping aspect also attracts me, a job or I had say career with purpose of healing. It seems like a job that is very much so hands on, which I like.

Now back to being an architecture thing, the job seems really cool as well, building, making model, artistic, but it seems as if there is not a high demand in the market, which I should be smart about…?

I recently dated a guy, but I kept having this thought of lowering our status to being good friend. We first met at a tutoring center, then we met again on the same day at our school movie theater. Then we met again later twice in a different SI session, which is a peer-led classes for physics. I don’t think I like him as my boyfriend. I like him more of a friend and maybe when we started talking, I am just or perhaps may appear to be quite friendly or flirty? So this may gave him the impression of me liking him. I don’t think I like him that way.

Now this made me questioned whether I can actually like someone like that, lol. I don’t know. My friend, Khahn told me that once you find someone you truly like, you will know. I am not sure how that work, honestly. How can you just know with a blink of an eye? I pretty sure now than ever that I wanted to be just friend with him and I think I am going to tell him once he got back from spring break. Seriously, he included many things about the future with me. He talked about traveling, taking pictures together, etc. He is sweet and genuine; a good human-being.

Honestly, I don’t think he like me like that either, but since we’re each other first girlfriend and boyfriend for about 2 weeks that is why both of us may seem to be curious of how this will turn or how this dating thing really works. At this point, if he were to find another girl (beside me) I would be happy for him since he is a nice person. I honestly know that I wanted a friend more than boyfriend and I will let him know that.

Back to life, I don’t know if it is okay. I am sure it is— to live life doing what I love and then switches when I am bore or find something else more interested in doing. I want to live like that. Pick something I want to do, then once I get there, realize that it is not truly what I want then switch to do something else. There is no rule to living. Who set a right or wrong way to live, simply do what you want, yeah? Just do what bring happiness. Can I live like that? Drop out of college to pursue art school or whatever it may be. Live life, have God as my Rock, and do what I pleases that of course align with God’s plan and to rely on His help.

Live life doing what you love and if you find something else you like more then do that. No boundary.

Which is why being kid was fun, we live doing what we love, but we sort of lose that trying to do the thing that fit the standard that isn’t truly our own. Why do we have to lose the fun as an adult, why. We can still do the things that we love, whatever we want that is good that bring us happiness. I am not talking about go to party and being wasted or steal, but good thing that bring us true happiness. Because, really once the party is over, getting that headache, or being caught, the fun in that did not lasted, it quickly ran out—they don’t bring us true happiness.

God wanted to tell me these things. I think I can live life however as long as I have and continue to trust Him. He knows everything.

Now, though, what is it that I want to do? Write a book, learn metal jewelry art, get an A in all my classes? These are my lists so far. Go to the park, sit at a coffee shop doing homework, call my parents, shower, do number 2, wash the dishes, travel, shadow a doctor and sometimes a nurse, a dentist, live life, live life, live life, doing what you love, pursue your dream, living it, making it real, put in the work, be happy doing it.

When I am bad at keeping in touch

I have to say that I am not the best at keeping in touch. I am not sure if I am just unconsidered, not thoughtful, or plainly selfish when I come to contacting people whom are close to me,  my family for instance.

I am in college currently and I am taking 17 hours this semester in order to graduate by 2020. It can be challenging when most of the time, I have to admit that school consumed the majority of my thought and energy from the moment I wake up at around 6 am to 8 pm at night. My family, I don’t think they understand that I have classes and having to complete homework. I don’t think they had understand because I am the first in my family to go to college.

My dad would often mentioned that I should call him, but right now, I am not sure why FaceTime isn’t working for me and him. He had answered my call and then it would automatically disconnect after 5 seconds later. You may asked why not just call him, well I could, but I am on a pay-as-you-go phone plan, which is definitely not the best option.

Oh, well, I truly hope they had understand me. I know that they will, but I still can’t help but to express concern about the topic because I did not want them to feel that I don’t care about them. I am at fault and if they are not okay with me, I would have to realize the consequences. I simply have many things going on with the addition of my being unconsidered at keeping in touch.

I am recently dating a guy. This may have contributed to about 5% of me not calling my family.

My being bad at keeping in touch with my family made me realized that I am, indeed, selfish and unconsidered. However, my behavior made wonder about my dating relationship as well because if I couldn’t keep in touch with my family then how am I going to keep in touch with others outside my fam.

I don’t know.

My friend wanted to room with me next semester. However, I think I preferred having no roommate. Why? Well, I like doing my thing, placing stuff where I want, cook smelly, delicious Thai food, listening to my musics without my headphones, and many other things. I will let her know about my honest decision. However, God knows the condition that serves me best whether or not He views having a roommate would be best for me.

I have a physics test tomorrow  morning at 8 am. I studied with my friend, Dylan last night. However, I definitely need to look over the test questions one more time myself and make a notecard. Man, I thank God for my friend, Dylan. This guy is the best teacher I have ever met and super helpful. I have no idea I would met a person like Dylan, an awesome teacher and friend.

I just got a text from him and we are going to study together, which is super duper awesome because I had just finish eating and I was feeling really sleepy and it is close to my bed time. I have hard time staying up once I felt sleepy. But since, I will be studying with my friend, it will definitely help keep me awake to study. I am so excited!

Thank you Jesus for bring kind people into my life. I owe my life to Him, to be under his care, guidance, and vision. Jesus is my rock.

I ate way too much dark chocolate..

Now, I just realized that I ate a little too much dark chocolate. I felt awful. My head felt heavy and my stomach felt a little abnormal. This made me realized that too much of something I perceived to be good for my body can, in fact, be unnecessary.

Since I switch my diet about 2 years ago to be come a pescatarian. My diet excluded dairy and meats such as chicken, beef, and pork. However, I still consume seafood. I eat eggs though and honey. I don’t like the label “pescatarian” that much, I just make choice in what I want to eat. I mean, if there is someone’s birthday, I will eat a small slice of cake   that has milk in it. On a regular basis, I simply typically don’t consume the other foods I decided to not eat.

This is choice, it is similar to someone who doesn’t want to eat broccoli or whatever it may be. It is pretty much base on choice. People sometimes asked why I don’t eat so and so. My replied was simply because it is choice base, it is my decision 🙂

I just felt better maintaining this diet. I am less prone to eating “junk” or processed food that contains unnecessary chemicals my body doesn’t need. I may occasionally wants those things when started the switch. Now, I have to say that I don’t crave the processed food because I know they are not needed. I, sometimes, wanted to buy a bag of veggie chips, but I reasoned through and decided not to buy it, because I can easily finished it in 2 days, just like that. The reason why we crave something we know we shouldn’t be craving is because our brain remembers how we like those food in the past, how those food (sugar, fried food, etc.) made us feel. It felt good eating those food when you’re eating them, until (for some people like myself) we regretted eating them afterward :/

My dad, on the other hands, rarely, I mean rarely consume any processed sugar. The way he gets his sugar are from consuming fresh/dry fruits and vegetables, which is the best sugar for our body because it doesn’t have to do the extra work to break the sugar down. We are helping our body work less by making the decision to eat the better sugar, so our body can produce other necessary enzymes to maintain healthier, more youthful looking skin, hair, and nails. It is like the excess that worthwhile. Our moods will also reap the benefits of healthy eating, it will make us feel good about making the decision to eat healthy.

Now back to my dad, who doesn’t typically doesn’t eat the processed sugar, I was thinking that his biology or taste bud maybe different than people who are more prone to eating processed sugar. He like salt and sour more than sweet, whereas my mom and my younger sister like sweet than salty or sour. Our biology may have contributed partially to what we like, however, this is where will-power plays the role and how decision-making is stronger than what we supposed maybe wired or prone to consume.

Healthy lifestyle is very much base on choice and will-power. It can also helps us be disciplined. I remembered the time when I decided to switch my diet, it is not a one night switch, it takes some time, but overtime my brain (the moral side) own over the pleasure side and I kept on it ever since I began. Looking back, I can see the benefits from my skin and hairs and how I feel about my health. It is worth the while. 💜💙💚💛❤️

 

When you realized your homework isn’t due until Wednesday…

My chemistry online course have 3 homework assignments due 3 times per week, one that is due on Monday morning at 8 am, another on Wednesday morning at 8 am, and the last one on Friday at 8 am, and the cycle repeat the same every week. However, this upcoming week (the week before Spring Break), I realized that I will only have two assignments due on Wednesday and Friday only, instead of the usual three. I have glad, but then I also have physics test on Wednesday that I need to understand.

I am taking 17 credit hours this semester, which is the most hours I have taken in college thus far. It is doable, time management simply have got to be well-organized.

I recently met a guy, which I mentioned in my previous blog. Honestly, it is fun to date. He is my first boyfriend. We have many things in common, which I find that to be quite interesting. We will see how this will go, because this is our only third week dating. We see each other often, 6 out of 7 days a week and we spent about 2+ hours every time we meet. It is fun, but I have to say that my grade definitely has been affected by the occurrence. Why this had happened, I am not sure. I thrust in the Lord, for He is faithful and omniscient. I am not sure what the future holds, however, my God is a great, big God who have the best plan for me, who loves me. I have a great, great God in all my days and nights.

Now, in the beginning when he asked if I would like to go on a date with him. I said “umm… sure,” then the following morning at the church parking lot, I told him inside of his car that I would like to wait. Then the following week, I said “Sure,” that I would be okay to date him. He was happy. I thought I was sure, but I did felt a little nervous to my stomach because there is a part of me that is dealing with the unknown of the future. However, the following day, I met up with my friend and told her about him. She was feeling sketchy about the situation, since we just met. She thought that I was not quite sure what I want and I seemed to be second guessing myself about the dating situation. She also told me not to lead him on. Now, I am not sure why I gave her the impression that I am leading him on. But that certainly made me think whether I want to date S.

Two days later after meeting my friend, I met with another friend from my sorority to talk about dating. I learned many things from her. I learned that it is okay to hold hands and hug. I wanted to make sure that I am obeying God. S. and I laid boundary when we first dated that there should be no kissing until later in the relationship. We both agreed and I was glad he respected the request.

He is a good guy; polite, considered, and responsible. I realized that I liked him. In the beginning, I had no idea why he would want to date me, I questioned him several times, which I was apparently okay with his answers.

In the beginning, I was definitely thought about lowering our dating status to good friend   (after I had already accepted to date him, which I thought about this the next day). I simply gone with it and did not say anything about lowering our status. Part of the reason why I considered lowering our status is because of school and I also wanted to make sure that he truly wanted to date me, for real.

Anyway, so far, I like S. more than the day we first met. I am not sure where this is going, but I know that my God has a good plan. I am also glad that S. believes in Jesus because this factor is definitely important whether or not I would date someone.

So far, dating has been pretty fun. It is definitely a new experience for me and I am still learning. I like to see him and spend time with him. I typically do not spend a lot of time around others. I simply like to just do my thing. I don’t typically like to hangout that much either, but with S., I don’t mind. In fact, I enjoy his company.

Wow, this is certainly fascinating. One thing is that S. is not that complicated. His thinking is pretty much simple. He loves cars and have red hair. He also had his own YouTube channel, which I thought is cool.

Anyway, I am going to end this tonight. It has been fun writing on this page after a while of not posting this blog.

Goodnight and sleep tight. Wake up tomorrow to do your laundry and possibly study and make delicious breakfast!

Encouragement

I just finished my physics test, I bombed it. I thank God for allowing me to be optimistic, realizing that He is in control and He knows all thing.

I am not worry about the future because He is my Rock, my God, my Creator. He will lead and guide me as long as I am holding on to Him and have my eyes fixed on Him.

I am pretty sure that next semester for me is when I will go on a pre-nursing route. I think God is guiding me in this direction. I will listen. For the classes I am taking now, I will try my best and hold on to Him.

I thanked God for bringing good people into my life who gave me encouragement. I don’t know what the future will be like, but I am not anxious. Everything will be okay.

Tips to Sleeping Better

Mrs. P’s guide’s to having a better sounding sleep. Sleeping should be automatic. For instance, think about the time when you were younger when sleeping was simple. Your younger self often resist trying to go to sleep and rather be doing something else, but regardless of how hard we try to resit going to bed, most of us would have parents who would say something or we simply could not help, but get tired.

The age from puberty and on ward, from my experience, is when sleeping becomes almost not automatic. We lie there unable to have a good, quality sleep. Sleeping should be effortless and simple.

The reason why I am writing this is because of my friend. This goes to him, because I was in his shoe. I went through once or twice inadequate nights where I simply would not and could not fall asleep no matter how hard I tied.

Sleep like other areas of life comes with discipline. Some of us may be going through difficult time that cause us difficultly sleeping while other might simply abuse this natural way of life continuously in the past that lead up to what they are experiencing now, in another word they are experiencing the consequence. I was in that boat. I did not take sleeping routinely or seriously. When I became careless about sleeping I am sending signal to my body, making it works harder and abnormally. When we don’t go to sleep on time, our internal clock just get confused.

Tips that I found to be quite helpful when it comes to having difficulty falling asleep:

  1. Exercise until your felt tired then after exercise stretch so you can relax your muscle because your muscle should be so tensed from the workout. After stretching, go home and if you realized your sweat became sort of dry, shower in the cooler side of temperature (I am talking about cool water) because what you’re trying to do is to get your body temperature low then head to bed. *I typically exercise in the evening.
  2. When you’re getting ready to go to bed, try not to open blue light from your electronic devices because it can trick your brain into thinking that it is the morning time, so no wonder why you can’t fall asleep because your system has been exposed to light, making it wide awake.
  3. Try reading boring books. This tip had helped me sometimes.
  4. Try not to eat anything 2-3 hours before bedtime.
  5. Eliminate soda or any type of caffeine, this tip should be a common knowledge because if you search on web engine, “How to fall asleep” or something along this line, this tip would be at the very top of the list
  6. You MUST try going to bed ONTIME, meaning take commitment into doing this and also waking about at the same time. On-time, means not fluctuating your routine 2 hours later your committed time. Suppose, you know you bedtime is 10-9, then you to bed in that sort of interval and same goes for when you wake up, don’t just sleep-in bed when you are sort of already awake.
  7. You cannot be slothful or in another word lazy. Laziness is the pitfall in accomplishing tasks.

Knowing that it might seems hard in the beginning, but once you made a commitment to yourself, your system (your body) will also recognize this, but you have got to convince them. You may have develop an irregualr routine in the past and your system has conformed to it, now realized that you’re trying to switch your routine, so it will take times for your body to be adjusted.

-Goodluck and pray about anything that is going on to the Lord, he listens.

God, where are you going with this?

So, where should I begin this. I might have met a person who I felt good about meeting. Although, I am at first I was wondering about where is God wants me in this? I met a guy, who I thought is adorable. He’s nice and cute. Why am I thinking as if most girls would say this when they met someone. It’s such as common phrase.

I met him at a tutoring center in college. We happened to need help with the same physics class we are taking. I remembered that I talked to him first. I asked in the air, “Are you guys doing physics?. Something along this line, then he replied. I couldn’t recall vividly what he said, but yeah, that how we met.

We met again in the same week when I went to see the Blade Runner that on show at our college’s theater. I recognize his back and when the movie ended, we said hi, and talked about “Did you finish your homework in physics?” I said “No.”

One thing about him though, whenever he was about to leave, he would always said, good luck with physics, or good luck with whatever I was doing at the time. I thought that was nice.

We met again at our physics SI, which is sort like a peer-led tutoring. I was just talking to him casually and when the SI ended he went out with someone he knew.

I honestly did not think much about any of this situation, from the beginning to the SI. I just thought that he was a nice person. I can feel the vibe. He would smiled.

So, this time is when me met again at another of our SI session, this time he sat next to me and I helped him with the stuff we went over at the end of the SI. He complimented that I should be his physics teacher. I was just happy that I was able to help him understand this hard subject. Then, we walked out together and talked for almost an hour, until I had to depart to get help with chemistry 2 lab. Oh, I forgot, we decided to exchange number.

We texted a bit and then more and more. He would tell me funny and interesting stuff about his roommate named Derek. It was funny and I laughed at how he had to go through all of those situations.

One thing that I did not know enough about him is his place in Christ. He have gone to church, however, he has not been going to church while he is in college. I would have to say that I was not a regular Sunday church attendy either last semester, but it is definitely my priority every Sunday this semester.

I will be continually to pray to my Creator about where is he going with this. God will always and will be my desired priority in life because he is the source of living water, causing us to not be thirsty if I get the water from Him.

My prayer to this is that, he will guide me to show His love towards him and that God will used me to show him, His love. I prayed that I will have a sensitive ear and spirit of what the Holy Spirit and God are telling me. I pray for courage to be a faithful representer of Christ, to be the disciple leading others to the lighthouse.