I couldn’t believe I am feeling this way

I am not sure why, I am feeling this way. I don’t know it is me or her. Well, right now I only will understand my feelings. I have confessed that since I left home after I came to visit my family for the Thanksgiving break, I missed them so much. When I finally arrived back to my apartment and I felt the emptiness of the place and there was no family, not my sister or my dad. I was upset and even more upset now as I am typing, so I finally moved on quickly, didn’t know how I did it, but I simply moved on and didn’t think much about them.

Since, Thanksgiving day, I didn’t really called them either. I didn’t remember trying to call them as much. I knew that my dad would try to FaceTime me, but I didn’t take the call seriously and I didn’t even try to call back. My sister also tried to call me, but I also simply ignored. I think I am starting to taste the medicine.

To be honest, I have always been not good at keeping in touch with anyone. I simply don’t and I think it’s rooted in my selfishness or whatever they may be.

I think, this is God trying to teach me something. I think he’s trying to teach me to care for others. I know that I am selfish, but I also realized that I am very selfish.

Now, I am starting to feel sort of neglected by my sister whom I have not been thinking much of. I am starting to realized that she did missed me, but I right now I think I am sort of unintentionally pushing her away, pushing my family away and not considered. All those FaceTime called that I missed and did not attempted to call back. I must tell them and addressed it to them, because it is uncaring and selfish. I am not sure how to feel right now. I honesty am don’t know.  I feel awful, and wronged against them.

I have not been good with any of them, uncaringly. I simply do my own thing and did not pay much attention to them.

I think I must try now. I cannot expected a plant to grow beautifully on their own. I must also do the work, such as watering, giving it nutrients, pruning it, loving it, and caring for it.

Jesus please helps me as I will not be able to achieve this on my own. I am selfish, prideful, and uncaring or inconsiderate of others. Please help me see the thing that I have been blind to, please help me open my eyes O, God.

Jesus, I asked of you to help me strengthen my relationship with my family and relatives through your power and love. Please show me how to love them and be selfless when I am with them, O God.

Jesus, please help me, please help me.

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