Emotion is running. Stomach twitching and spinning. I look for true love. I do. Isn’t it crazy. I’m not going to act rashly. In this tiring, I’m going to wait. Whatever I’m waiting on. I’m going to wait. One guy can’t complete me. I truly wish I could be looked at that way. That someone can look at me that way. Someone steady, dependable, and comforting. Someone not angry, easily upset, and unstable. I’m going to wait my Lord. You know all things–my flaws, lack of, imperfections. That person has them too, but somehow it will compliments mine. Perhaps I’ve not been at that stage, of being vulnerable with someone. Perhaps it has to be unlocked. I can’t choose to be vulnerable. The other person simply has unlocked it? That sense of peace. I yearned for it. I want someone who will bring me closer to you as well. You know that perfect timing. Help me with my dreams and goals, oh God. Broke my selfish heart, coldness, passive aggressive, self center ness, me ideology, and over sensitivity. I prayed Lord. I need you Lord. My life is a chaos from my own hands. It’s a mess. A broken, weary, painful mess. It’s burdensome. It’s selfish. It’s confusing. I’m scare of the future. My goals, dreams, and relationships. I am scare of my disappointments. That’s because I’m trying to take it in my own hands. I didn’t realized I made myself God. I try to take matter in my own hands instead of trusting you, relying on the one True God. No wonder, I created a mess. No wonder I experienced disappointment times and times again. I look a safe place, an everlasting joy in relationship. The one that is centered on you. I expected many things that resulted in dissatisfactions. No wonder my stomach felt queasy. I kept listening to others while ignoring your voice. I kept taking advice from other when I only to listen and be stilled. Jesus, please forgive for the mess I’ve created. I repented and I don’t want to take matter in my own hand, but to lay them at your feet. My dreams, goals, relationships, and people I give them all to you at your feet. I need you, Jesus. My heart long for your goodness. Help me to wake up with strength in order to go to church tomorrow. I don’t wan to look for anybody, Lord. I only want to look at you. I want to trust you. Please help me stay on task–to follow my Shepard. I’m weak, but you’re strong. I was lost and you found me.

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