Pain

Look, you have caused me so much pain, so much pain. That I didn’t even know was actually more painful than my worse period cramp. It means that much. I absolutely hate you for it. I hate you. I hate you for doing this to me. And I don’t want to hate you. Because I know that it’s not right. It’s not right to hate someone in God’s eyes. Jesus I know I this upon myself l. I am being hard on myself, but Lord please make it stops. Please allow me to come to term and forgive and let go please. Please. I don’t want to be swayed. I want to remain strong and courageous. It’s painful, but I want to be strong and not looking to go back to the awful experience. The past 4 months had been nothing more but pain. There were a lot that were missing and I felt it. He was dishonest from the start. And I was stupid. I was stupid to kept proceeding. I was stupid to let it destroyed me til today. I can’t accept this. What should I do my Lord. What should I do. Please help me. If I’m not to do anything, please lord I ask for peace and gentleness. You learned Biden is light and your word is kind. Please send angle to me Lord. Please send angles and Holy Spirit to heal my soul. This angry, frustrated soul. I don’t want this. I want to move on and be happy, more importantly go back to you. I feel like I’m lying just to get out of this sadness. Lord, you know my heart; good or deceiving. But Lord, I need you for good or deceive, I need you. Always.