I sometimes don’t know if the advice that people give to me are the wisest. Even though they met well, it doesn’t mean that their advice and worldview is always correct. The thinks that I see the world as if it always beautiful etc. She makes it seems like I was living in illusion. As if I was raised shielded from the danger of this world. Dangers are there, I know, but it doesn’t mean that I will look for it. Sometimes it may e looking for me, but I have a God that is my shield and even if I messed up, He is still me redeemer. I knows she cared about us and want the best for us, but sometimes, lessons that I learned are the ones, in which, I experienced it myself. It revealed to me that I can be arrogant too. This is something that I don’t necessary want for myself. It will only going to hurt me. Being arrogant isn’t the best God wants for me. I don’t know if having a little bit is ok. I don’t know, but I want to be able to view it as objectively as I can. There will perhaps always be something wrong. Things that hurt me. Things that hurt my feelings, etc. I am honestly trying each day, trying to go through task I was assigned. I am living my life and it is a beautiful thing. I am going to continue to believe in what I do and I will see how it is going to play out. Good or bad I will find out and adjust to the outcome accordingly. I’m not even at all perfect. I don’t think I will ever be. Sure, I was perhaps raised to be a certain way, but that doesn’t mean that I will let that dictate my life. I love my parents. They loved me and wanted the best for me. I know. But it is their job to let me fly too. To let me learn things on my own. My mom supports me always. So does my dad. They’re the two biggest encourager for me. So is my sister. I am thankful for what they have given me. I came to understand many things as well. They raised me as their friends. They also let me be me. They didn’t restrict me. They let me be free. That is the best thing I could have ever asked for. Sure, I didn’t do drug or what not. Nevertheless, I know I still have many flaws. But I don’t want those flaws to be my identity, it doesn’t identify who I am. I am imperfect. Whatever, you may called it. But, that is not going to be something that I want it to define me. I can always and will always grow, messed up, learned, analyzed, then grow from it. Growing until I am dead. Until, I have no more. Until, God is taking me to hopefully his kingdom that He prepares for me.
Yeah, this is me at 22 years old with this kind of thoughts. I don’t know if this thought is right nor wrong. Or whatever, but it is the thought I have on Nov. 7th (my first ever bf birthday) that I am not going to tell him even though I still remembered. If something is toxic in my life. No matter what it is, I can and must cut it. Detoxify.
Perhaps the area of my love life hasn’t been like I wanted to be. At this point, it is not really my focus. It is just not. There is so much more thing to do, to learn, to explore. I explored this side of things a little bit now. Now, there are other things I look forward to. I am learning still. Always learning. Life is too short to be miserable. To think that it is negative or to think that it is too dangerous. It may be, but I could careless. Life doesn’t need me to keep going. It doesn’t. The sun will still rise even if I am not here. Darkness will cease even if I stoped breathing. The world keeps on moving, progressing its cycle. I am here to praise and believe in my God and all the promising He has for me. I could careless other may have said. They cannot change my perspective on life. I see it like I see it, perhaps I am blind. Perhaps it is delusional. Perhaps it is totally false, well, like I say the world could careless about me or my worldview. There is so much out there I haven’t seen or experienced. So much. So much. I am still learning. Living. At 22 years old. I have dreams and goals. I am living. I am not going to stop. Ever. Ever. I want to keep on living. Living for Christ. He builds my spirit. Living the life He has given me. He gives me brain, legs, mouth, and arms. I can do so much with what he has given to me. I forgot, also ears.
I love my family. I do. My relatives too. They’re the people I go to when I am at my lowest point in my life. I appreciate them. I will take what I find useful from them. Yet, this is my life and it is my story. I am the narrator. I am the protagonist. I run my life. God guides me. He helps me. He gives me choices. I am using what he gives me.
Thank you for calling me na ka. I appreciate your phone call. I will also make time to call you from now on–to talk to you not only when I need to talk, but because I simply wanted to talk to you. You’re important to me. Therefore, it is my responsibility to cherish these relationships. Because I don’t want regrets. I wanted to be able to say that I have loved them well and they know I love them well.
For those that I’ve crossed. Thank you. I’ve learned what I wanted in a partner. I’ve learn to say no. I’ve learn to still choose what’s best for me. I’ve grown from it. And that’s to celebrate.
Cheers to learning.