I hope to keep this up

I just (not really) realized that I have what to say in my head than out loud. It’s not that I can’t say things out loud but it’s not easy to find someone who can listen to all this thought, so writing is perfect for me. My hobbies are tennis, skateboarding, and writing (more like typing). Well, I frekin just spend 15 dollars on Starbucks, oh well… I like to save up a lot, so I feel bad when I spend money. The reason being because I work so hard to get money. Well, “hard” not like doing constructing and heavy lifting, but hard meaning I have to wake up to go to work to begin with. So buying stuff outside is not an option when I earn approximately 10 dollars per hour. It’s ok. I think I’m over it now. Anyway, today so far has been a good day beside spending money. Anyhow, I just think that I will be writing my thought more now since I got my original WordPress login back after not having it for months, because I couldn’t login to the original one I created and turned out I made a new account that I obviously didn’t want because I didn’t have all my old stories! So I don’t know what happened, I think God interceded on this behalf and maybe He was like “well, she’s going a lil cray cray, having to type on Apple note app.” So here it is I got everything back and so I had to upload like 11 previous writing back to back at 3-4 am this morning. And it was cool, I gained random unintentional subscriptions because of that which you know don’t follow my account if you just wanted me to follow you back because I honestly won’t and never will. This has been fun. I don’t know but I’m assuming that most people who have a blog may, May MAY MAYY one day thought of writing a book someday, and I have had that thought sometimes, and of course today too. I wanted to write a book and like most people who may MAY, wanted to start writing a book, they don’t know what to write about and let me tell you, ME, I can write just fine when I wanted to but when I do want to, I just froze(n)d. It’s like my brain is playing a trick on me. Like my perfectionist mix attitude pops in and ruined the creativity because I’m scare of messing it up and make this boring, uninspired, unnatural story that felt forced and unoriginal and lack real world and voice that people can see and touch. Honestly, I have been listening to Thai music recently and it calmed me down a bit. It kind of this nostalgia vibe to it that brought me back to where I started. Anyhow, maybe God wanted be to be a writer, because this have been something I’ve been doing nonstops for the past year because things seemed to come up and that made me wanted to write about—mostly things or situations that distressed me. And I think that is because I am receptive of how I feel (well most of the time). Actually, I take what I said back because if I am being honest, I low key, most of the time, don’t know how I feel like I couldn’t pin point exactly how or what to feel like I can’t just identify it and I think that’s why I like typing so much because I am able to understand or hope to understand the situation or how I feel better. I do that by talking as well but it is not as effective as just typing it out well I take that back as well because it’s just depends. More often than not, it’s not that effective.

Anyhow, I thought I had write more about what is happening currently. I’m waiting umc yo started my 1 am shift. Monday is actually my dad off, but Sam sent an email asking if anyone wanted to cover more shift this 3 weeks from now they can, so here I am money collecting hunger just couldn’t denied the offer. I love making money but I am always at a battle of making money and loving what I do. Somehow I always ended up choosing what I thought I had liked more than making money itself. I have been having this thought recently (meaning today) that I maybe I wanted to go back to wait table because maybe I will earn more money and I love that it’s physically demanding. I think I am going to really enjoy my work today though because I just feel good. And I thank God for whatever people have been partying for me. God is always good. I am not but like I always say, my God is always.

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