Learning the hard way

If you were immature, stubborn, or naive like me in regards to loving relationships then this personal reflection will be relatable. I have my values when dating. The most important is for my relationship be centered on God because for everything that I do I always wanted to be reminded to bring all the glory to Him and being in a relationship is no difference than how I think, behave, drive, or eat. I always wanted to be minded of who I do what I do for—God in heaven; my Savior. My brain knows what I ought to do but my heart doesn’t cooperate with my conviction to do know is right. The mistakes I made allowed me to realized that knowing isn’t enough, but to be purposeful and stick through what I wholeheartedly believe is a must. I need to believe with my brain, but my heart also definitely needed agreement. My heart and brain must work together to follow-through, know when to stop, and cut something-someone that are hazardous to my life. I had compromised my No. 1 must have in a person and lied to myself and the relationship ended up hurting me more than anything I’ve ever felt. For many months it seemed like I had this ghost following me everywhere I went: familiar-restaurants, a particular type of car, and certain foods or activities. A 5-month relationship turn into a year of pain and guilt recovery. Some of us (me included), had to learn lesson the hard ways for whatever reasons. I was reckless and significantly under-estimated the enemies on what seemingly like a harmless battle◽️. I lost so much of myself and I was trying to find myself and recovered from the defeat I felt within me. The pain was so great that the next time around when I see red flags I will know to trust my God-given intuition and wisdoms to discern potential enemies covering in pure white (also known as an anti-Christ). These are innocence lambs covered-up by the heart of wolves and sharp, shape claws. There are so many red flags if I had taken a step back and ask God as well as listen to Him and what signs He methodologically unveiled, I would be safer. I can’t taken back all the mistakes and bed memories I faced, but as cliche as this next line will sound, I will learn, repent, and be equipped towards the next, potentially, more dangerous battles. God know what my weaknesses are and He will never abandon me. I know God saved me from my sins and doesn’t hold grudges. His love is the purest, incomparable to any kinds of this world.

I realized that one of the hardest actions for me to take in relationship is to say no. I struggle with keeping the peace and compromising what actually is important to me. I ignored the conviction, but instead working to toxically please the hidden ones. I learn to discern signs God showed me early on in the relationship, because He knew that this situation will eventually lead to destructions. I definitely didn’t trust God to be my absolute counselor and instead followed my fleshly-desires full oh guilts and shames. God indeeds forgive those who asked under His name for forgiveness yet it doesn’t mean that I won’t face the consequences for my decisions.

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