This is how I feEL, PSL no whip

It’s weird because I don’t know what I am feeling exactly. For sure, I know that I will feel better if I find a better job that pays better etc. It felt sort of like breaking up with my 2nd ex. You may asked how? Well, I felt like there isn’t much that I can do to fix the situation. Even though there is always a way or may I say ways to make the situation better. But somehow there is a part of me that refused and too stubborn to try to make things better because I refused to compromised myself or perhaps what I believe in. I refused to compromised fitting myself and lost myself. I don’t know if this mentality is good or bad or neither. (Yes, this mentality is bad). I’m regretful because I felt like I just gave up, unwilling to fix—quit. I felt like there could have been more that I could have done. But I just simply left without any difference. That’s what sort of disappointing to me. I arrived just as quickly and left just as quickly. It was like I wasn’t even there and my occupying the space was just erased and never really existed. I didn’t left any impression or end on the best note. I felt like I could have done more and somehow figure what were wrong. I felt like there is a part of me that I could controlled about myself. And maybe I am wrong in the matter. (Yes, you were). Maybe this is God’s plan all along. Maybe these are some of the lessons he wanted me to learn. Maybe this is the reason and maybe this is what this job meant to me. I don’t want to resist and regret the decision I’ve made. (And you did). I didn’t plan on it ending this way. Anyhow, my aunt would say to me that I will get over my ex when I find a way better man. And that maybe true. I will get over this job that I lost if I found a much better opportunity else where. (But the problem will carry over to the next bf or jobs). I hate the fact that I didn’t overcome it. I didn’t like the fact that I didn’t endure long enough to overcome. I don’t even know if there is a good outcome to the story. It is like a game you invested so much time in but maybe it’s not winnable or have a clear, celebrated victory. Maybe I expected too much of a happy ending (yes maybe a little) that it is good on its own but acceptance is what I am gaining to the story—learn and accept the mistakes, be kind to myself, accept the fact that it had already happened, be kind to myself and be graceful to myself. Learn from the story and try to make the next time around better. As for future reference, I will have a follow-up to the story in how I will prevent and improve the possible scenarios. Sometimes there isn’t a clear right or wrong but a combination. Anyhow, next time around, hopefully, I will be better equipped and if not I would need to relearn it again. And possibly waste my time.

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