Accountable

I don’t trust myself because from past experienced I knew that my intentions aren’t most pure. I don’t trust it. I trust God, but I don’t trust myself. I know I got x,y, and z to work on and I messed up on a daily basis. Whom am I to have all that accountability and be there for someone when I don’t even know if I could help–even myself. I am scared of being caught up in the messes of people’s lives that seems to enter mine. I have been hurt from others and myself in the past when I got caught in their sins and life decisions. I am not the person to be counseling anyone right now. And I don’t even know if I will be effective at doing so. I don’t want to hurt their feelings and mine. A lot of it is me trying to make them better, but neither am I. And that person needs a friend and I don’t know if that is his purest of intentions. I trust my intentions often times and it is telling me that I don’t believe he would hold me accountable. I have to hold myself accountable–carrying the load. If being friend is the intention then I might could be one, but it is also up to the person to have the same goal. God is bigger than all my fears, but I don’t know which side to take or which decisions to make. I am clueless and I don’t want to make another mistakes I’ve made in the past. And I am not quite sure if I would be communicating effectively. People say stuff easily all the times, but do they have the conviction to change and actually do that they say would do. I trust myself, in this categories, than I do with other, specialty people that are grey in the friendship or not friendship area. But at the same time, right now at this stage in life and from what I gathered, I will not date, but look at them as a brother. Perhaps this should be the approach. Too view them as a brother in Christ. And just feel like he has many baggages more than I could handled. And I don’t know if I have the patient and the sympathy to be the person to be there for someone when I barely know them. Anyhow, I don’t trust in this process. I trust God, but what is He telling me.

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