I am not sure why, I am feeling this way. I don’t know it is me or her. Well, right now I only will understand my feelings. I have confessed that since I left home after I came to visit my family for the Thanksgiving break, I missed them so much. When I finally arrived back to my apartment and I felt the emptiness of the place and there was no family, not my sister or my dad. I was upset and even more upset now as I am typing, so I finally moved on quickly, didn’t know how I did it, but I simply moved on and didn’t think much about them.
Since, Thanksgiving day, I didn’t really called them either. I didn’t remember trying to call them as much. I knew that my dad would try to FaceTime me, but I didn’t take the call seriously and I didn’t even try to call back. My sister also tried to call me, but I also simply ignored. I think I am starting to taste the medicine.
To be honest, I have always been not good at keeping in touch with anyone. I simply don’t and I think it’s rooted in my selfishness or whatever they may be.
I think, this is God trying to teach me something. I think he’s trying to teach me to care for others. I know that I am selfish, but I also realized that I am very selfish.
Now, I am starting to feel sort of neglected by my sister whom I have not been thinking much of. I am starting to realized that she did missed me, but I right now I think I am sort of unintentionally pushing her away, pushing my family away and not considered. All those FaceTime called that I missed and did not attempted to call back. I must tell them and addressed it to them, because it is uncaring and selfish. I am not sure how to feel right now. I honesty am don’t know. I feel awful, and wronged against them.
I have not been good with any of them, uncaringly. I simply do my own thing and did not pay much attention to them.
I think I must try now. I cannot expected a plant to grow beautifully on their own. I must also do the work, such as watering, giving it nutrients, pruning it, loving it, and caring for it.
Jesus please helps me as I will not be able to achieve this on my own. I am selfish, prideful, and uncaring or inconsiderate of others. Please help me see the thing that I have been blind to, please help me open my eyes O, God.
Jesus, I asked of you to help me strengthen my relationship with my family and relatives through your power and love. Please show me how to love them and be selfless when I am with them, O God.
Jesus, please help me, please help me.
I just had a talked with a, about to be resigned, professor who if he were not to retire, would have been my professor to intro to computer science class, next semester. However, he told me that his wife is ill, therefore, he needs to spend this time together and potentially travel to Spain with their two daughters. He was a person whom told me about this term “mindfulness.” It is a term I have heard of before, but did not put in much thought to it. He also mentioned the word, “ego.”
Professor Benitez Noe has all grey hair, not that much wriggle, and a great smile and teeth. If I had to guessed his age, he might be well around, about 65-68 years of age, taking into context that he would still be teaching. He got his doctorate at the University of Purdue, a pretty well known university and the Purdue.owl website, is the website, in which, I used to do a better citation.
Anyway, I don’t know what the Bible tells me about these terms, mindfulness and ego. If I searched, it would be interested to see these terms in the Bible.
Now, that Dr. Benitez mentioned the term, ego, I am starting to question myself that I might have had experienced this term before. I simply didn’t know that it has a term in itself. I wonder if ego and pride correlates. I, for sure, knew that pride is something I have experienced with and still am praying about it. I know that Jesus has been working within me about pride because I had been feeling really good recently and meeting people is not wrenchingly uncomfortable.
This is certainly interesting to me. Perhaps, one of the reason why I didn’t get an A in genetics was part due to myself, referring to my ego. I didn’t put in my best work for this class and I should have waited to take this class later in the year. I approached it incorrectly when my background in biology isn’t quite solid, rather my studying skills isn’t quite solid either.
Anyway, I learn something today and should might as well be celebrated for and talking to Dr. Benitez was certainly interesting. He seems wise.
From now, I will continue to hold on to Jesus and ask for his direction. I will still be praying about my sins and trusting in Him to work on those. This is certainly a fascinating day, having conversation with people and learning about their experience is treasure.
I love and thank you, Jesus for this opportunity. I learned about the words ego and mindfulness was intriguing. I will look into them more. Is it in God’s plan for me to look into this?
3 days counting from today will marked the end of my first semester of my sophomore year in college. Boiiii. Wow. It’s bitter sweet. The sweet part is that will be able to start the next semester new and fresh. The bitter part is the uncertainly of the grade I will be making for classes this semester. I have to say that the performance is certainly not my best, but failure will truly be a failure if they aren’t learned. Ummm, I don’t know if this saying is true, or does it simply meant to make me feel a little better about the disappointment, to make a negative experience seems a little positive. Oh well, it works, at least I can think positively and improve…h-o-p-e-f-u-l-l-y. Anyway, I have been making a 4.0 since the beginning of college, and I am a tiny bit worry (I try not to worry as God has a plan for me and tomorrow has the worry in itself and I should not be focusing on the now as much as I do for the eternal) because I still have a chance to make an A in genetics if I score an A on this final, which if the “what ifs…” stuff kept creeping into my thought then I probably won’t be doing as well. Ugh. Just do your best and don’t add the worries because it is not helping that much. Just try your best. Try your best. Anyway, this genetics class, I enjoy more of it now than in the beginning of the class, for sure. It was a doable sort of class for me to make an A in, since the beginning. What was holding me back then was absolutely very little except ME. It was doable, I know I can make an A in this class. Not that genetics isn’t difficult, it certainly can be, if I didn’t study. I was a sloth back then, not alert and wasn’t serious on my studying and understanding the material enough. Anyway, it wasn’t like AP physics (in high school) where I didn’t really understand, genetics is something I can see myself understanding, making sense of it, and seeing the relevant. Boiii, is the expression I can say to myself now. Boiii, why didn’t you do it, sort of expression.
In reality, I still have a chance of making an A in genetics and in general chemistry. I’m writing this post on Sunday night at around 10:30 p.m. I will take a stats final tomorrow (Monday), gen chem on Tuesday, and genetics on Wednesday, and after that is the “Winter Break Begins,” dashing through the snow~
It will be dashing through the ditch, if I were to have the self doubt moment that in the back of my head and sort of unconsciously, not willing to try and do my best then, I might be for real, may not like how I end this semester.
This is such a MIND Game, it is also how I make the decision, THINK, and ACT upon.
Let’s do the best that you can and we’ll see how it’s going to be finished. I hope to hear a good news. Help me, Lord.
What a decision to make when it comes to deciding on what to major in college. If all jobs in the world pay the same, which of course is not the reality, then I probably would love to learn how to make metal jewelry such as earring, necklaces, and bracelets. However, I do consider a factor in what the world needs, meaning what degree I choose to pursue in college will most likely land me a job after graduation, because for me, going to college is to eventually get a job, potentially a career. I sort of certain that I wanted to go to a med school, but not all pre-med will be accepted, therefore, I think it will be a good idea to major in something that will hopefully be a return in investment spent on college and eventually assist with the future.
I am was sort of interested in a degree in nutrition, however, I was reluctant to declare it for a major because there is not a high demand for a dietician in the market per say. I was also interested in graphic design or web design, however, people said that this skill can be self-taught, and a college degree is not require necessarily. I was also interested in biology, however, I am pre-med and I am already taking quite a bit of biology courses in a sense, and therefore, I think I can hold on to taking classes that I am interested in such as immunology, virology, histology, microbiology, etc in medical school or maybe buy a textbook and read about it instead, which highly may not happen unless I strongly feel about reading them 🙂
Life is structure and specialize. Even a college major is (mostly) limited to pursuing one thing head on and not in pursuing multiple tasks. Well not all human desires and interests are structure, some people have multiple interests, which most do, but they will still be limited to choosing mostly a particular degree.
Over the Thanksgiving break, my dad and I had a talk about my undecided college major, which I should soon decide on, eventually, because I am already a sophomore in college. He was talking about how our world still revolves around money, as long as we use this media of exchange and measure value, therefore a degree in business should be worth it, right? I am not sure about that, I have no idea enough to say whether or not a degree in business would land me a good, happy job.
My dream job, I think, is to become a medical doctor, but in life, there is also “the what if” such didn’t work out then I should have a back up plan. I would love to wake up and do the work I enjoy doing and I think that’s surgery. It involves working with tools and very much hands-on, which has always been something I enjoy! I love playing tennis, table tennis, badminton. Do you see the correlation? All of which involve an instrument and that’s why I am quite positive that my dream job is to be a surgeon.
Aside from my ultimate goal, I think that being an accountant would allow me to perhaps work in a bigger cities and hopefully have some autonomy working in an office and dealing with numbers, which will be quite repetitious. I actually do not mind, I think, working in an office and doing my own thing as an accountant. I will get to wear a suit, perhaps, dress “professionally” and live preferably in a bigger cities doing fun, city stuff.
I don’t know… wherever I ended up is ultimately in God’s hand. But He being a just, free, and loving God, he does allow for me to make a decision and will support me if he sees that it’s good.
I know for sure that whatever I do that I must do so to glorify Him, which will in turn, also bring me joy and happiness.
Form now on, I simply wanted to do and be involve in the things I enjoy, I will never stop believing in Jesus and seeking Him, but I will also will search for thing that I have interest in while in college doing this undergrad.
One thing became apparent to me that I am no longer interested in the sorority, I am still part of. Ironically, today was actually the day, I got initiated to be an active member. I even got a charm in Greek letters emblemed in the our sorority’s name; however, I haven’t told anyone about deciding to not be part of it next semester.
I did enjoy my time there a lot. It was God’s plan for me to be part of it in order for me to grow closer to Him, which I did, felt it, and knew it. However, I will still be praying to Jesus whether it is in his plan for me to become inactive and not merely my own decision.
If I were to decide to be inactive, I will defiantly need to be in touch with a church, so that I can still have a Christian community that help me grow in Him continually.
Next semester though, I definitely wanted to take a metal smithing course, which is a brand new art course at my college.
Along with that, I might decided to major in accounting. I also wanted to learn about stocks. I am not sure if stock will be cover in my accounting course.
Yeah, I think, accounting will be a useful major to pursue and I have an enough interest to learn about them. I don’t hate number and certainly the autonomy in the job.
To end this, I wanted to thank God each and everyday I am living and pursuing him. My life has been more meaningful and together because of Him. I was able to be a better self because of him in my life.
I have had 2 great days in a row and it was all because of Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and God.
People often say that God will grant us happiness when we walk with him and that he will satisfy, fulfill, and reward us for a walk with him. I remembered praying about wanting to experience the journey with Him, and the past two days has been amazing, and I cannot wait for more of his plans. I have been praying to him about wanting to love people just as he would want me to love them. I also asked him for direction and guidance of how to love his people, his creation.
I have also been praying to him about my pridefulness and because I got a lot of those going on and it is causing me to be unable to connect with people and to view them just as broken as I am. I want God to show me how to love people, to be kind and gentle. I want to view people according to how God would want me to see them.
I also been praying for my action to reflect Him, so that when people see me, they can ask me why I am this or that way, then I can point and credit God and to tell them that it is because of Him I am this way and that without him I am super broken and unstable in all of my ways.
I want to be God’s good representation, to be the little light house on the hill for the broken, the lost to see, and once they arrive, I will welcome them and tell them about the one who built this house, the one who furnished the floor and ceiling. That this light house was a wreak, but because of God, this light house is under going a lifetime improvement and is waiting until the day that the builder return to proclaim his great name!
How uncoincidental is God’s work. I’ve been praying to him about wanting to love people according to Him. I am on a plan (devotional) on my Bible App about Love Like Jesus. And just a couple of minutes ago as I was opening my Instagram and the feature image popped up about “Love one another,” just according to my prayer to Christ. I am in awe and amaze of God’s work and timing. Thank you, Jesus.
Another praises adding to this is what a delicious lunch I had today! I warmed up my leftover burrito bowl I bought yesterday from the Market at Stangel/Murdough student residential hall. I do not have leftover because I finish all my food most of time time, unless I am in a hurry or the food was too much. The reason for my leftover was the ladder. In addition to my leftover burrito bowl, I decided to make scrabble eggs to go with it, which tasted great. I found out about adding milk (I use almond milk) to my eggs made them soft and fluffy just as how I liked them. I remebered thinking how this lunch tasted great, was more delicious and special, which I thanked him more.
I also had a great time listening to lectures in my sociology and genetics class. At the end of my sociology lecture, I decided to tell Dr. Koch how entertaining his lecture was today (as the talk made me smile and I had great time listening to his stories), which I also thanked God more.
Today is such a good day for me. It is 70 degree Fahrenheit outside and I am writing this on Tuesday Nov. 7, 2017. I typically do not enjoy cold weather, but today feels different, I actually don’t mind the cold.
I started of my day a little startled because I had a class to go, to take my 4th exam for my sociology class, at 11 am, but I had woken up at 10, which I told myself before I went to bed that I would wake up at 5:30 am to study. I looked at the time on my phone, which automatically adjusted for daylight saving, which shown 9 o’clock, so I breathed a little easier because of that.
I grabbed a banana, peeled it the correct way :P, and took a bite while also getting dressed. I realized that I need something warm because it was 40 degree something Farenheit outside this morning.
I then went to my kitchen where there is a little dining table in my apartment, so I sat and study for the remaining time while also ate a bowl of cereal for extra filling.
It was at 10:46 that I decided to packed my stuff and put them in my backpack, hopped on a bike, and rode to class. It was chilly outside as expected, but the cold didn’t bother me as much as I used to feel.
I got to my sociology class and was welcomed my the music of choice from my professor’s playlist. Dr. Koch opened his music before he began his lecture each morning, which created such a good atmosphere coming to class.
I sat at the very edge of the seating, I tended to avoid the middle seats and I also tend to pick to sit at the left side of the room. If you were to stand in the back of the lecture hall, you would be able to find me at the front to the middle row in the very left side of the room, which I suspected was where my brain felt most comfortable being.
I sat and looked over my note one last time before I take the test, but I was quickly distracted by Dr. Koch’s, all A’s, card trick that he often performed before we take the test on exam day. His card trick would always ended up flipping all 4 A’s cards as a sign for us to make an A on the test. This one particular card trick that he showed was by far my favorite, out of all the ones I have seen, maybe also because today was a great day in particular 🙂
Dr. Koch is an interesting lecturer, professor, and person. I have never met anyone like him before, which is of course, but his personally is quite distinct and will not be forgotten easily.
Now as I am typing my reflection, it doesn’t escaped my mind of why or how today has been particularly good because of the Father (God), Son (Jesus), and the Holy Spirit’s blessing and allowing me to feel good and contend.
This day reminding me of God’s grace that he has for me and reminding me of the conviction why I should continue to trust him, believe in him, and to place him first above all else, “moment by moment.” God is so good to me and his grace is immense and goes beyond my comprehension.
Dr. Charles Stanley
I have to confess that there has been time, actually recently (yesterday) that I planed on not attending chapter for Sigma Phi Lambda, which is a non-phanhellenic sorority and the greek letter translates to “Sister for the Lord.” Sigma Phi Lambda hold their chapter every Monday, which I attended regularly except one time in the beginning of the semester. Yesterday, which was Monday, I had planned on not attending chapter because I wanted to finished my homework. Well anyway, back track a little to yesterday when I came back to my apartment to make myself a lunch, which I made omelet, toast, and cut avocado. As I was eating, I opened YouTube and remembered that I wanted to hear one particular sermon from the Dr. Charles Stanley from InTouch Ministry, filmed at his church in Atlanta, Georgia. I found Dr. Stanley message about 2 months ago and I was hooked at how transforming his sermon impacted me. His sermon speaks to me and allows me to think and to be a better daughter to God. This one particular sermon was one of the many that Dr. Stanley preached. However, this particular one was the first video I saw of him, Taking Control of Our Thoughts– Dr. Charles Stanley, got me hooked. Dr. Charles Stanley is definitely my favorite pastor.
Anyway, so I had planned a week before that I will not attend chapter yesterday; however, chapter was a place not only to socialize with other Phi Lamb girls, but also an event that provide opportunity to sing praises and worship Christ and hear good testimony, teaching, and encouraging talks from the members. So, yesterday, as I was eating my lunch, I opened Dr. Charles video, Planning Without God – Dr. Charles Stanley. What I got out of his sermon changed my mind about not attending chapter. He mentioned that God cares about every aspect of our life and that it would be foolish not to ask for his direction and guidance when he would be glad for us to ask and to rely upon him. Dr. Charles’s message was so touching to me and it just made me happy that I can ask God about little things because knowing that he cares “about every aspect of my life” reassures and comforts me. It was just awesome that he cares so much for us than we could even care for ourselves, but we sometimes wanted to have our way, which Dr. Charles would say to be such a foolish act when God is omnipotent.
After finishing Dr. Charles’s sermon, I simply prayed to God about whether or not I should attend chapter and the answer was a loud, big, yes that I should and attending would be pleasing to God, to worship Him.
Another point that Dr. Charles’s mentioned was how important it is to LISTEN to God. To listen to what he wants us to do, act, think, or speak. God gave us the Holy Spirit that dwells on us and guides us. The Holy Spirit is a great Gift from God. I am so thankful for the Holy Spirit.
Chemistry SI Session Versus Chapter
On every Monday and Wednesday, are days that I also have an SI session for chemistry, which I found to be quite helpful for preparing for an exam. Attending my SI session on Wednesday is not a problem, since I am pretty much free on Wednesday. However, since my chapter starts at 7 and ends at about 8:15 pm, my SI session, on the the hands, starts at 7:30, which has a timing conflict 😦 . Will it be an opportunity to sing praises and worship God or go to the SI session Anyway, Sigma Phi Lamb also have a point system—going to each Phi Lamb event will earn a certain point(s), depending on the hour(s) of the event. The point system acts as a little incentive for girls to attend the activities and to meet the requirement to still be in Phi Lamb. The minimum is to make 20 points, which I has already completed. I can simply not attend any Phi Lamb event from now on and I will still be covered because I met the required points. However, it is more to it than that…
After realizing that I will go to chapter, I was rationalizing with myself that perhaps I can simply stay at chapter, sing a couple of worship songs, and then leave at 7:15 to make it in time for my SI session that starts at 7:30 pm. I was being so “cleaver” with this plan in trying to make my way around. However, as I was signing praises to God, I realized that being at chapter is more important than going to an SI session and it would pleases Him more than me trying to do my own thing for myself. I wanted to attend the session to make a better grade in chemistry, but God says that he has a plan for me, a plan to prosper me and not forsake me, something along this line, a verse in a bible. His plan for me will exceeds mine. The question is will I trust him. Will I trust him, to worship him and not attend the SI session. Will I trust him with my grades and beyond.
God shows me that if I am willing to trust him and to place him first above earthly things, he got me.
His Mercy & Power To Rescue
So I didn’t complete two of my homework, one for chemistry and the other from statistics, were past due dates, but somehow God’s power help me to go to both professor for each class, talked to them, and both of them were willing to extend the due date for me. God is greater than any of my worries or fears if I am willing to listen and obey his request.
I will be praying that my faith and my trust in Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit will continue to be strengthen, so that I can go out and to not be waver by the earthly perception, expectation, and ideas.
Other than a wonderful day, I thank him more.
This occurred to me that when I am around other Christians, it was easy for me to feel belong and comfortable. However, I will be praying that beside being around other believers, my identity in Christ will be convicted within me, especially when I am among nonbelievers. That when I around nonbelievers, my identity in Christ will be where my heart rests and falls onto for guidance. That no matter where I am, who I talk to, sit next to, or listen to—-my identity in Christ will supersede because I am His. To act, to speak, and to think in a godly manner and that I would know who I am in Him. That will be my prayer that when I not around other believers that the Holy Spirit would guide my action and thinking and to be the little house on the hill 🛤.
I will still be praying for me to love people for they are God’s creation and that I will love them just as God also loves me and them. I wanted to be able to love people, nonbelievers and believers alike, just as God does.