Why I suck at not doing things at the last minute

I had to wait to the last minute to complete a task. There is definitely a better idea than doing such. Perhaps, somehow I will be a able to trick my brain to start and complete a task well while not having to wait to do it at the last minute. I guess is to just do it. The not so simple task can in fact be perform simply-easily. Stop prolonging the task, stop letting something come in between the intention. DO IT.

(Meal Plan) for the fall semester

For breakfast:

  1. 3 soft boiled eggs with 2 toasts
  2. smoothies
  3. oat meal and smoothies
  4. bananas

For snacks:

  1. mixed nuts
  2. dates
  3. banana

For lunch: (In case of emergency)

  1. Veggies/black-bean burger = $4.00
  2. Tuna sanwich = $3.39
  3. fresh plates (lunch and dinner) = $8.27
  4. veggies bowl at the SUB =

For lunch: (home-made)

  1. salads
  2. guacamole with chips and salsas
  3. spagetti
  4. pad thai?
  5. omelet with rice and ketchup
  6. veggies bowl
  7. fried rice
  8. veggies burger
  9. tuna sandwich

For dinner: (home-made)

  1. guacamole chips and salsa
  2. veggies burger
  3. lots of fruits
  4. fish with Spanish rice
  5. fried eggs with rice
  6. salads

For dinner: (outside)

  1. Panda Express = $ plus tax
  2. Chipotle = $6.50 plus tax
  3. Fresh Plate = $8.27 plus tax
  4. (Tuesday) Rosa’s Café – Taco Tuesday = $

For lunch: (after church)

  1. Cracker Barrels = $ 8.69 (Plate) $11.57 (3 fishes)
  2. Jason’s Deli
  3. Thai Kitchen
  4. Pei Wei

 

Risks. Decision.

This world is full of people who had no idea what they want to do. They’re chasing something that isn’t their “passion.” It can money fame, relationship, whatever. Something that feel like they need to have but actually does not need it, at least at the moment. So it is important to chase and find something that you like at the moment and just go for it because when are you going to do it? Literally when? In the next 3 years? OMG, it seems like a long time. If you like something and wanting to do it then do it. Do it. Do it as soon as you can. We have to realize that our idea and how we are or how we think we are has a lot to do with societal expectation of us. Who says we can’t be homeless, who says we shouldn’t do art. We hears all these things that others, some voices, suggestions, advice? tells us to do. Society determines “income” with our job. Whatever they feel are valuable will have more price. Healthcare for example have high cost because we associate life and service to be more valuable and therefore it costs more than perhaps something that isn’t as life threatening such as picking up trash or cleaning the bathroom pays. Now, society put on a price tag on what they decide to pay. If we have a messy bathroom, now that is necessary. But heart problem is more urgent therefore, it ought to be done now and it costs more. Now those “advices” from whoever you received, we are going to assume for most cases that they meant well, yes, perhaps, but they may not necessarily correct. Really, they may not be right either. They makes mistakes too, perhaps they ‘re older, but they , too, make mistakes. We all do! And it is okay to make mistakes and the word mistakes is also made up and has been given a negative connotation to it. If mistakes = awesome then we know that mistakes means awesome, connotes positivity. However, we tends to associate the word mistake to “you messing up,” well learned from it, move on, etc.

Now in some scenario, those advices are conflicting with us. I remembered that my dad told me that being a doctor is a good job. Why not you try it. If I remembered correctly, that is what he sort of inferred. Since that day, I sort of having an idea of what is it to be a doctor. You help patients, taking care of the sick, helping them get better and feel better.

My dad looked at the photo of his oldest sister, which he obviously admired her, because she is considered “successful.” She earned the societal standard of the word “success.” Being a medical doctor is considered to be a respectable occupation. The society considered doctor, lawyer, successful business/company owner (CEO*) to be respectable because they supposedly contribute to the societal needs. They’re making big impact. They saves lives, saves someone from wrong, saves someone life in term of not having to be locked up when they may not be guilty, they produce goods and products like shampoos, conditioners, foods, medicines, etc to our home. So whoever makes the most impact earns the bucks.

Now a good question is what I do I want to do in life? I want to create something for me to feel proud and accomplished; to make an impact, mostly to making myself feel value and useful. Well, what is next when I feel proud and accomplish doesn’t last as it was initially started. That why, musics producers kept on producing musics, that is perhaps also why new company came out with a new product, or perhaps that is why a chef or restaurant came out with a new menu.

Don’t say we can’t do something because we can.

Right now, I am not yet been doing something that I was meant to do. I haven’t really started on the journey of doing the thing I want. I have always been creative. I am detailed oriented. I am a quick learner. I like to create. I enjoy drawing and painting. I am good at these detail oriented work. Therefore working with numbers is the same way. I like math. I like to floss and brush my teeth. I fold my cloths. I prep my meal. I like to write to discover and express. I think being a surgeon maybe a job for me since, I am stable, detail and can handle stressed*. * the stressed part needed to be validated. I don’t care about having to work hard* as long as I enjoy what I do. I don’t want to work hard at the things I don’t really enjoy or the thing I didn’t want to do. That is why, doing some school assignments doesn’t resonates with me. However, I still would have to do it. I might simply go to become a fashion designer. Now, there are cloth out there. There are many competition.

As a human, we are constantly making mistakes from the first day we learned to walk, they’re taking that step to talk (arguably innately, unless you have some sort of specialty, or disability hindering them from pursuing this act) well anyway, when we were young we were taking this risk of learning how to walk. Now when we first learning how to walk, we sort of just walk. Honestly, I don’t remembered the first time I started walking. I don’t think my parents do either. But, we just walk because we’re design to walk. It is innate. And when we do walk, we don’t think about failing. We didn’t expected to fall. The falling parts just happened, we may cry, we may not cry. Whatever it may be, …..we eventually get back up to walk again.

This is how choosing what to do is like in a sense. I should just go for what I found interesting, go for it. Just simply do it, whatever, I like, just go for it and see it for myself whether or not it is a good fit. Choose what I like without ANY societal expectation, statistic, data, and sort of “advice” you may hear in the past. Just choose what you like and go for it. Whatever, it may be. Take the risk of failing. Think of the time you learned something new because you wanted to and it happens or it may fail. Whatever just go with it.

I tend to be a person who like to be sure of making sure the rock that I am going to take a step is stable. I like to be sure before I approach. This comes when I am choosing a major, relationship, etc. I need to be sure before I do things. I didn’t like disappointment. I didn’t want to get hurt. I didn’t want to having to change or waste my time and money. I didn’t want to be hurt basically.

I have to admit that hurting is part of getting back up to walk. Hurting is good. Hurting is challenging. Hurting is putting yourself at risk (not physically risk like dying but emotional and psychological risk). Hurting is necessary. Hurting is good. Hurting is getting back up.

It is more clear than ever that I wanted to find something and go for it. I want to be a designer. I like to create my own thing. Make my own thing. Entrepreneurship is somewhere in me. I had thought of creating my own application. I had thought of creating jewelry and sell them on Etsy. When I was little I sold stuff that I put effort in. I am a seller and I like to create my own line of things. However, I need to think of what I want to do. I had thought of opening restaurant. I want to create my own empire of things that is what I want. I am somewhat still in conflict.

Beneath God. Always. However, I will always consider God.

Disappointed–Type

When you feel disappointed, well type.

I just went through a breakup. I missed a lab final that made my A turns into a B. I am about to take finals that I haven’t really studied. I am hungry and had to wait 3 more hours to eat. I am unorganized and spoiled.

I don’t know what to say except that disappointment keep me grounded. It made me feel small and un-prideful. I made me reached out to people for help. It made me feel that some people will offer to help and that they care, when they really don’t have to.

It gave me a better perspective that life keeps on going even though, I am disappointed. It made me think of a much harder hardship. There is someone today who just lost a loved one. There is someone today who feel as if they cannot see the light and waiting to see the light. There is someone today who just not feeling well and is about to left this world.

What I am going through is an event that happened to occur. It is okay.

Today was fun

So, I went to workout today and it was nice. It is good to workout once in awhile because honestly, our body needs it. Even though, I bike to classes, this type of exercise is not intended nor on an interval, which is why intentional workout should be added in routine. The sweat and the feelings while exercising and after exercising is rewarding and I feel good that I had made a decision to excercise. My main purpose for working out  is to get my body energize and my heart pumping, for my system to feel alert and alive, for it to be awake and not lethargic. I did core, sit-up, plank, and some other exercise I do not the name. I mainly workout with my body and I typically don’t use the machine. The only type of exercising machine I used today was the stair ones, which move on an interval. It works similar to an escalator, and I workout by walking up the elevator or in this case the stairs. Working on this machine targeted my calves muscles and my thighs, which I had like for this part of my body to be firm and lean. My motive for working out is to burn fat and calories, as  well as to be leaner and fit. I had like to move easily and gain the agility to stay healthy and feel good about life and my body. I ran for quite sometimes, I did not over exhausted my running because today is my first day and ideally, I had like to keep this up by coming to the gym regularly. I had like my exercise to be fun and not seem like chore or something I had to do because then I will not be likely to come back. I had like to be more punctual, which if I have to be honest, I typically don’t come to the gym regularly. I maintain my weigh by eating nondairy or non-meat, except I do eat seafoods and eggs.

I am not fat or muscular. I am fine, but if I workout more often then I am certain that my stomach would be more lean and tight, which I liked 🙂

Anyway, I also played badminton today at the badminton’s club in the gym, which was fun. I met new people and some I have already seen. One new person I met was named Bryan. I learned that his parents are from Mexico. I guessed he was perhaps Arabic or Indian Asians, however, I was incorrect. He mentioned that the badminton’s club mainly consist of Asians and there is perhaps one white person and I thought that was funny. I didn’t view it in that that way, but now that he mentioned it, it was certainly true.

Anyway, I think Bryan was trying to get to know me better by mentioning if there is any film I had like to see, which I told him honestly that I barely know what’s on air. Plus, I already have a bf. Therefore, it wouldn’t be fair for my bf or for me to proceed.

I am glad that I am reminded to blog again. Blogging certainly is good for my brain and emotion, since this allows me to reflect on thing I enjoyed about my day. For me, this blog acts as my diary. I type a story about my day, what happened and I highly think that this will lead to the appreciation of life, making a better choice and decision, as well as happiness.

To be honest…

I am not sure what I want, I think I know what I want, but then, there are times when my interest switches. I think I wanted to be a doctor, it has pretty much been this career. Maybe my dad place this idea on me as a young child and it has been on my mind ever since. Or maybe I do truly wanted to be a doctor even before he suggested to me. I don’t know.

You know what kind of life I had the idea of wanting to live? A life simply doing what I want, why can’t I just do that then if I lose interest in that one particular thing, then most likely there is something else I wanted to pursue. I hardly met anybody with 2 or 3 jobs. A doctor, but also an architect and an artitst. A doctor and an entrepreneur, who own a business like a little shop. Okay, these type of people do exist, of course. It seems like once you are a doctor, that is most likely your one and only job.

Being an architect has been a dream of mine, since little. I like to build and create thing with my own hand. I thought I wanted to be a surgeon, a general surgeon. One because of the stability—I suppose, the salary, reputation, respect, and credential. The helping aspect also attracts me, a job or I had say career with purpose of healing. It seems like a job that is very much so hands on, which I like.

Now back to being an architecture thing, the job seems really cool as well, building, making model, artistic, but it seems as if there is not a high demand in the market, which I should be smart about…?

I recently dated a guy, but I kept having this thought of lowering our status to being good friend. We first met at a tutoring center, then we met again on the same day at our school movie theater. Then we met again later twice in a different SI session, which is a peer-led classes for physics. I don’t think I like him as my boyfriend. I like him more of a friend and maybe when we started talking, I am just or perhaps may appear to be quite friendly or flirty? So this may gave him the impression of me liking him. I don’t think I like him that way.

Now this made me questioned whether I can actually like someone like that, lol. I don’t know. My friend, Khahn told me that once you find someone you truly like, you will know. I am not sure how that work, honestly. How can you just know with a blink of an eye? I pretty sure now than ever that I wanted to be just friend with him and I think I am going to tell him once he got back from spring break. Seriously, he included many things about the future with me. He talked about traveling, taking pictures together, etc. He is sweet and genuine; a good human-being.

Honestly, I don’t think he like me like that either, but since we’re each other first girlfriend and boyfriend for about 2 weeks that is why both of us may seem to be curious of how this will turn or how this dating thing really works. At this point, if he were to find another girl (beside me) I would be happy for him since he is a nice person. I honestly know that I wanted a friend more than boyfriend and I will let him know that.

Back to life, I don’t know if it is okay. I am sure it is— to live life doing what I love and then switches when I am bore or find something else more interested in doing. I want to live like that. Pick something I want to do, then once I get there, realize that it is not truly what I want then switch to do something else. There is no rule to living. Who set a right or wrong way to live, simply do what you want, yeah? Just do what bring happiness. Can I live like that? Drop out of college to pursue art school or whatever it may be. Live life, have God as my Rock, and do what I pleases that of course align with God’s plan and to rely on His help.

Live life doing what you love and if you find something else you like more then do that. No boundary.

Which is why being kid was fun, we live doing what we love, but we sort of lose that trying to do the thing that fit the standard that isn’t truly our own. Why do we have to lose the fun as an adult, why. We can still do the things that we love, whatever we want that is good that bring us happiness. I am not talking about go to party and being wasted or steal, but good thing that bring us true happiness. Because, really once the party is over, getting that headache, or being caught, the fun in that did not lasted, it quickly ran out—they don’t bring us true happiness.

God wanted to tell me these things. I think I can live life however as long as I have and continue to trust Him. He knows everything.

Now, though, what is it that I want to do? Write a book, learn metal jewelry art, get an A in all my classes? These are my lists so far. Go to the park, sit at a coffee shop doing homework, call my parents, shower, do number 2, wash the dishes, travel, shadow a doctor and sometimes a nurse, a dentist, live life, live life, live life, doing what you love, pursue your dream, living it, making it real, put in the work, be happy doing it.

I ate way too much dark chocolate..

Now, I just realized that I ate a little too much dark chocolate. I felt awful. My head felt heavy and my stomach felt a little abnormal. This made me realized that too much of something I perceived to be good for my body can, in fact, be unnecessary.

Since I switch my diet about 2 years ago to be come a pescatarian. My diet excluded dairy and meats such as chicken, beef, and pork. However, I still consume seafood. I eat eggs though and honey. I don’t like the label “pescatarian” that much, I just make choice in what I want to eat. I mean, if there is someone’s birthday, I will eat a small slice of cake   that has milk in it. On a regular basis, I simply typically don’t consume the other foods I decided to not eat.

This is choice, it is similar to someone who doesn’t want to eat broccoli or whatever it may be. It is pretty much base on choice. People sometimes asked why I don’t eat so and so. My replied was simply because it is choice base, it is my decision 🙂

I just felt better maintaining this diet. I am less prone to eating “junk” or processed food that contains unnecessary chemicals my body doesn’t need. I may occasionally wants those things when started the switch. Now, I have to say that I don’t crave the processed food because I know they are not needed. I, sometimes, wanted to buy a bag of veggie chips, but I reasoned through and decided not to buy it, because I can easily finished it in 2 days, just like that. The reason why we crave something we know we shouldn’t be craving is because our brain remembers how we like those food in the past, how those food (sugar, fried food, etc.) made us feel. It felt good eating those food when you’re eating them, until (for some people like myself) we regretted eating them afterward :/

My dad, on the other hands, rarely, I mean rarely consume any processed sugar. The way he gets his sugar are from consuming fresh/dry fruits and vegetables, which is the best sugar for our body because it doesn’t have to do the extra work to break the sugar down. We are helping our body work less by making the decision to eat the better sugar, so our body can produce other necessary enzymes to maintain healthier, more youthful looking skin, hair, and nails. It is like the excess that worthwhile. Our moods will also reap the benefits of healthy eating, it will make us feel good about making the decision to eat healthy.

Now back to my dad, who doesn’t typically doesn’t eat the processed sugar, I was thinking that his biology or taste bud maybe different than people who are more prone to eating processed sugar. He like salt and sour more than sweet, whereas my mom and my younger sister like sweet than salty or sour. Our biology may have contributed partially to what we like, however, this is where will-power plays the role and how decision-making is stronger than what we supposed maybe wired or prone to consume.

Healthy lifestyle is very much base on choice and will-power. It can also helps us be disciplined. I remembered the time when I decided to switch my diet, it is not a one night switch, it takes some time, but overtime my brain (the moral side) own over the pleasure side and I kept on it ever since I began. Looking back, I can see the benefits from my skin and hairs and how I feel about my health. It is worth the while. 💜💙💚💛❤️