Post-Graduation Virtual Ceremony

Man I can’t believe it. I am overwhelm with unexplainable joy and full of gratitude from congratulated words by friends, teachers, family and relatives. These people mean the world to me for just taking their time to Love, Like, or Comment on my post about sharing my virtual graduation link on Facebook. I mean blessed Facebook for providing a platform and opportunity to connect with my relatives, friends, and family from Thailand. I am so touched and thrilled by all the comments and likes I’ve received. You have to idea how much you taking time to congratulate means to me. It means the world. It means you sharing your experience with me. It means you still remember me and I do still and always will remember you even though I have not been back to visit in years. I hope to visit soon, very soon because I need to catch-up with them and just hug them and to see how they’re all doing. I miss them. Thailand is part of my amazing, wild, and wondrous childhood that I could not trade for anything else. I am blessed to my have time there and it will always be my home. So to all my relatives back homes as well as loved ones back home and here, to all the friends and families, I appreciate you guys. I would make sure to visit you in Thailand when I go back just like the time you took to acknowledge my post. I never thought graduation was a big deal, but it became a big deal because of you all. You’ve made it very special for me to celebrate. Even though this graduation strictly seems to only congratulate me. I wanted to use this time to congratulate you for being part of my life, my childhood, and has a say and shape who I am today. You’re all part of it and part of my journey. Thank you for stopped your scrolling to give a thought of me. I really am thankful.

Well well it is the Class of 2020

Well well, I am back at it again for another doodling project of mine. The fun and it was always part of the unplanned because I write whenever I feel “things.” I write because I want to let my feelings out. I don’t know if I am a feeling kind of person necessarily, but if I think hard enough, my actions were driven by how I feel. I don’t really plan things. I hardly do. It is a moment sort of thing. I do plan sometimes, but I certainly did not plan on writing about my graduation! And that I am indeed part of the Class of 2020! The corona, the almost going to war, the crazy Trump presidency, I mean lots of things had happened and still is happening like the Covid-19. Needless to say, I am feeling the celebration.

It is weird that I didn’t actually want to celebrate, like I couldn’t careless about graduation celebration ABCD. One, I don’t feel important. Two, I don’t like that graduation symbolizes success crap. Three, I don’t have three. But I honestly have a mixed feeling when it comes to graduation. I think it is cliche and too inside the box. Like everyone had to do the same thing. Isn’t it repetitive, yeah. I don’t know I feel like a party pooper, but I only like graduation probably only for the inspirational speech and people decided to goof off when they walk on stage, that’s it.

I have a mixed feeling because, I mean you hear people say this all the time, but it does feel weird to go into the “real” world as if you living isn’t real enough. I guess a more descriptive way of explaining is the fear of the unknown. Think about it, most of you and me, we were in school for how many years already, 20 for me. I started school at maybe 2 or 3. Crazy right. Like we’re used to the system and surrounding. The basic waiting and waiting for everything. We hardly ever have to start anything ourselves. We were told what to do and now who is going to tell us. We have to leave and bye bye. You do not belong here anymore. I am having a crazy stomach feeling as I am typing this. If I am correct, it is the feeling of nervousness. I am used to the system. I am sad. I think that’s why I was feeling meh about this whole thing. It is kind of scary and I didn’t think I was going to feel this way. It is a moment thing. I feel this way right now but I will feel better later; by the time I finish writing. I remembered always wanting to leave pre-school whenever I arrived there. I didn’t like that place but what’s funny is that I am kind of half hearted feeling that way right now just the opposite. I am not sure what I am feeling weird about. I think I might know, may be it is feeling of the “I could have” sort of idea, like the feeling that I can’t take any of it back, because it flew by and you just missed it until you realized when it is too late. It is like the feeling that you didn’t know what you have until it’s gone. It is the feeling of regret and that is not the feeling I particularly enjoyed. It is the worse feeling in the world. The question is what am I regretting about. Is it not getting drunk, is it not partying, is not not smoking weed, is it not knowing what else I could have’s. Is it not studying enough for exams when I know I could do better? I think I fear of not living to the fullest. I fear I wasted it something; time, moment, opportunity, relationship, idk. I fear that, no matter what it had be. It is funny because when I graduated from high school, my church teacher gave me a book called “How to Not Waste Your Life,” isn’t ironic. I feel like it didn’t reap the experience well enough, I fear losing. I fear what I can’t take back. It is weird, but that’s how I feel. I do want to go back, actually no I can’t go back. It is impossible, from what I know there is no such thing as a time machine. It is only in movies. I hear people say all the time that the past makes up who you are and yes, I have to agree to that and stick to it; believe that it is true. I do fear change. I am scare of not making the past pretty enough for my best work. Like I am doom because my past was not the best I can do. I think these feelings are; I don’t know if it is normal.. I am sure I am not the only one experiencing this crisis ever in the world. I tried to look on the bright side to everything. I do. Life is too short to be miserable. I am grateful up until this point actually. I feel lucky a lot and I had to fight for things and things just does not come to me I have to work for it. No matter what they are I have to work at it. I mean God helped shape me too and I owed that to Him. He is my comforter. He is the one that brought all the people I’ve met.

I have to say that more than anything I am grateful and that is the IT word. I just am. For everything. For what I have, eat, sleep on, type on, play game on, talk to people on, FaceTime my dad, mom, drive, ride, cook, bake, grill, clean, wash…

I just am glad to exist and living, but it is time to actually Live, to feel alive to love and to laugh.

What I learned

What I learned a hope to improve is the amount of time ones should learn to get over a break up. People often said the amount of time to get over a breakup varies on the couple/relationship etc. I had though that if the break up was bad or the relationship was messy then, for me at least, might take some times than a clean cut, nice break up.

I tried not to talk about it on my blog as of now. As I’m going through it and I also don’t want to jinx anything. Because so far, I thank God for the motion.

Little improvements are still progress and that is the best I could have been thankful for.

I think about it less and less as times go on. The intensity also decreases.

I’m thankful for everything. I also sorry for something.

Life is…

Life is peaceful and calm. Emotion is steady. It’s 3:03 PM on Tuesday. My Thanksgiving Break began. No wonder it feels nice.

My love language couldn’t be any stronger than what it is and that put me in a good mood. After I washed the dishes, she made me cereal and I was touched. I know it might sounds weird, that I felt tough just because she made me cereal, but I am.

Last night, I thought about how I haven’t been as thankful as I should and I think not being so could make life not as happy as I could be.

So, I wanted to be thankful for everything that happened thus far. Although, there had been experiences, in which, I regretted. However, I can’t dwell on the idea because sometimes the past remains the past and as much as I want to, I can’t go back and fix it. All I could do now is with the moment that I have.

I didn’t quite regretted a lot in life, but I could now say that I regretted one thing and I don’t if this will continue to be the thing I regretted, or over time I will learned to see that the good in it; that it happened for a reason–that it were meant to end the way it did.

I love how I started of hopeful, but slowly transitioned to a little sad story.

Anyhow, I hope I will do ok more and more each day and I hope he’s doing ok as well.

Bike Presentation

This is my school assignment I drafted on my blog because I like writing it on here more than in Word or Google doc.

Funding bike plans is not a one-size-fit-all meaning that federal, state, local/regional, as well as private sources often work together, doubling its effect to fund for the plan as it often require a lot of money, but still less than let’s say a high way project.

The type of funding needs will depends on the type of the project, whether that just be drawing small bike lane on a few block of the neighbored or having to expand  the street to adding bike lanes will will require more construction and thereforeand therefore also depends if there is funding available too., fund availability, or expediency, which is a mean to achieving an end.

Several sources will often be used. The choice depends on the availability of particular funds, the nature of the projects, and how fast are these funds are available.

Advocacy Advance is an organization that mostly used federally funded source to help local communities and organizations fight to persuade their states and local governments for a bike plan. They’ll help the local governments with how to extend those federal funds for infrastructure projects. As well as help build campaign for an actual proven plans or starting ballots for when lawmakers are not serving the community interest. Campaign – to implement a plan to get community on board with the plan.

Ballot – start the plan for voting, making the plan more official

 

One of the leaders to use federal funds to pay for bike lanes  is Memphis, TN. They used Fereal program such as Surface Transportation Program (STP), the Congestion Mitigation and Air Quality Improvement Program (CMAQ), and the Highway Safety Improvement Program (HSIP).

 

STP – give fund for state and local community to improve Federal-aid highway, bridge and tunnel projects on any public road, pedestrian and bicycle infrastructure, and transit capital projects, including intercity bus terminals.

 

CMAQ – funding source to State and local governments for transportation projects and programs that meet the requirement of the Clean Air Act. Funding is available to reduce congestion and improve air quality for areas that do not meet the National Ambient Air Quality Standards for ozone, carbon monoxide, or particulate matter (nonattainment areas) and for former nonattainment areas that are now in compliance (maintenance areas).

HSIP – is core Federal-aid program with the purpose to achieve a significant reduction in traffic fatalities and serious injuries on all public roads, including non-State-owned roads and roads on tribal land.

 

Eugene, OR used a state bicycle and pedestrian grant to build its first separated infrastructure.

Development impact fees are one- time charges collected from developers for financing new infrastructure construction and operations.

 

A bond is an investment that works like an IOU. It’s a loan to a company or government that pays investors a fixed rate of return over a specific term.

 

Many U.S. states and cities have funded transportation projects through local taxes and bonds approved by eligible voters.

 

General Revenue is a unallocated funds collected by the local and states from business and property owner. These are the money that can be used for any purposes (homeless shelter).

Tired

I am so tired. It is more like a disappointing sort of tired. When you hope for something and you didn’t really get it. Or perhaps I forgot that God is in control always. I genuinely lost track of thing. I didn’t pray as much or do bible studies as much and I honestly don’t think that I am going last without God’s help and mercy.

I am messed up times and times again. I am prideful as well as selfish. It is  disappointing and I am not sure if adulating is the right word. I simply wanted to be such and such, but it seems almost hopeless for me at time. Whenever I get bad grade mostly. It is tiring and simply sad. I am not sure how to get out of this. Should I keep on going like this or should I adjust and change strategies. I am not sure.

Please God help me to accomplish my task at hands. I am hopeless and really need help. Oh God please help me to be the person I ought to be for you. Help me to form a good relationship with others and to treat and see other as how I want to be treated and to love them.

 

 

God Never Fails

You have no idea that I was disappointed when I found out that I had missed a chemistry lab final that I had a 94 in the class, but since I had missed the lab final and if I couldn’t take it then I would end up with a C in the class, which is not a failing grade, however, since I had an A (before the final), it would be disappointed because I tried to get good grade in the lab.

With the hope to improve the situation, I went to the professor’s office, however, she wasn’t there at the time, so I simply waited on her at a chemistry tutoring room next door to her office. It wasn’t long until I saw her in the hallway. She seemed to be in a rush, which I didn’t knew at the time I approached her that she was on her way to the bathroom before I stopped her to discuss my situation. She quickly told me to email her with my student ID and my chemistry lab section number in order for her to open to lab final for me to complete. However, she also told me that whatever I’lll make on the lab final will be 50% off of what I get, which means that even if I scored a 100 (which is not simply to score) that I will instead get a 50. This condition is the consequence of having not taken the final on time. This made me sad and disappointed, because I had a 94 in the lab, which means that I could potentially ended up in the class with an A, however, even if I scored a 100 on the final it will scored as 50 in the grade book, which means I will get a B in the lab.

I was sad and was a tiny bit annoyed at myself for having missed the final, however, I told myself that it is okay because no matter what God got me and He has a plan. That whatever I am going through, it will work out. Even though, I messed up, but my God is greater, bigger, better, and stronger than anything I am going through. And that it will work out at the end because He is God.

So, I decided to emailed Dr. T. my ID and lab section with an added description about 3 paragraphs long of why I care and if she would be willing to help me and not take 50% off of the grade that I will make on the final.

I received her email later in the day that only said “the final has been reopen for you and that you have until 9 p.m. tonight to submit it.” I was sort of expressionless because I had hoped that she would mentioned something along the line of “I will consider.”  She told me that she had sent 2 emails, which I did opened, but did not read throughly. Notice the underlined word, “NO EXCEPTIONS.”

Screen Shot 2018-05-13 at 1.42.58 PM

Anyway, I went ahead and took the final (which is online, but it is not easy) with a help of a friend I had never met, except through a group me, which is an app where students help other students with reminders, group study, reviews, etc. Dylan, a guy whom I texted to help me with the final replied saying that he could help me. I was so thankful and most of all to my God.  So, Dylan whom scored 92 himself and helped 2 other people scored an 88 was being so kind to help me.

So, after I finished taking my final with Dylan. I thanked him from the bottom of my heart, saying how much I truly appreciate his help. He replied saying that he wasn’t that much of an effort, but ohh.. trust me, I am so thrilled. This made me realized that he is really kind.

After we departed, I went to have dinner with a friend, workout afterward, and my day pretty much ended.

Last night, my prayers were also for the chemistry lab grade that hopefully I could get an A, however, I also added that God knows.

Until today, as I am typing, I went on blackboard, which is a site where my grades are posted and I saw …Screen Shot 2018-05-13 at 1.38.00 PM

I was so thrilled that a 94 had gone down 2 points to a 92, which may or may not be rounded to a 93, but it hardly matters because 90-100 is an A! I realized that Dr. T did not take off 50% of the final grade that I made! Which is a miracle that only God can performed and provided! Throughout my walk with Him, God has continuously shown himself to me in a way that I knew were from Him. God is so good and is always there for me that no matter the result, I know that He is God, who truly got me and even if I got a B in the course, I remembered thinking this to myself that even if I got a B in the lab that God has a plan, and He knows best.

This particular event reminded me of a story of Peter (if I had remembered the story correctly) when Jesus made him walked on water, but then Peter started to have doubts, which made him fallen and about to drown. At that moment, God is working with Peter, performing a miracle with Him, but Peter lost sight and started doubting God, so as a result he drowned. The story goes something along this line if I had remembered it correctly. But the point of referring to this story is a reminder to myself to trust in God, which means to realized that He knows. God is omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent (all knowing, always there, and all powerful). And to be humble that it is not me, but because of Him, of His grace, His wisdom, His power, and His love. 

This event happened and all I want is to praise God, to give Him the Glory for He is good, merciful, and just. I am so thankful to Him, so thankful. Praise be to God.