Remember this feeling

Remember this feeling you have right now. When you are going. When you keep going. When you’re getting better, stronger. When know you’re doing better. When you’re pushing through. When you’re happy the fire is burning. When you starting to feel hopeful. When you starting to love yourself. When you’re growing. God has a plan. He always does. Things that happened to you, through it, He remains unchanged, faithful, and awesome. You’re in good hands. He loves you so so much to sent His Son to die for you on the cross, so that you can be redeemed and made known to Him. God is love. He is love and you’re loved by Him. When you’re o.k, this is more than enough. Know that things happened for a reason. It does. Trust in the process. Don’t force the outcome. And always gives thanks to God. Thank Him for the provision He has and His goodness.

If you forget, come back to this message and remind yourself times-and-times again until it’s nailed to you. Love yourself. God is love. Love yourself well in the process and don’t forget to love others too.

What do I want?

What do I want exactly?

What do I want from him. Nothing. I want nothing from him. I am ok with having absolute nothing. It seems pessimistic, but nothing. I want and care for nothing. It’s ok the way it is. It is. It is ok. A O-K. 👌

There is more to life than one aspect that isn’t fulfill because there are more aspects to be fulfilled. You should thrive to make yourself happy. Care for yourself. Love yourself. Love yourself more. Be good to you.

When you seem to be able to give advices

When you seem to be able to give other people the proper advice or the advice that you think is best, but the one who you should be giving it to the most is, to yourself.

The paragraph above, truly resonates with me. It’s something I’m telling myself to understand and fully believe.

I met Crystal in a chemistry lab, she was my assigned lab partner for the semester. We worked well together because both of us cared about having good experimental results. Often time, when we waited for the experiment to do its magics (reactions), we would use that time to talk about life. I don’t share about my personal life voluntarily. It’s not something I often do. But Crystal didn’t mind, she was having a relationship problem, so she vent it out to me.

She said that she didn’t [sometimes] feel loved by her boyfriend, which I can certainly relate. As I went through something similar and it was good I went through it.
It was the one of the best things that ever happened to me for good. The experience twisted and turned my stomach. It has a quenching pain. It was just good.

I ended the relationship, only to later realized that I want it back, but I couldn’t quit pinpoint exactly why I wanted it when it wasn’t the best for me.

I told her to love herself more and value herself and to not let a guy turned her life upside down in a rollercoaster. Because he can’t. She (me) shouldn’t let him or anyone ever.

Even though, I told her the best advice I could think of, I am also speaking those advice to myself. God put me in this situation where I was giving advice to her, but in fact, I was giving advice to myself. He used her to tell me the things he wanted me to know more fully. I know them in my head, but I don’t listen to it. And that’s the problem.

I love him (an ex) and I would maybe give my world to him. But I can’t give my world to him because I don’t know if I can give the world to myself.

I missed him dearly and knowing that and focusing on the feelings is not the best thing I’m doing to myself right now. I’m going through something absolutely preventable. As magical as this sound, this symptoms could be cured. I am optimistic that it could be cured with a snap of a finger, to wake up.

It can’t be as clear as it could be. It’s as clear as the night and day. I need to be able to believe it. I do. I always ended up disappointing myself in relationship. It’s like I expect a lot out of it. I have my ideal everything planned out. They’re just not on board. They can’t ever be if it’s not from God.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I need to be still. There hasn’t been days that I didn’t think about it. I want to snap out of it and to be happy. I can’t afford to live a life like this. A sad, regretful, and longing life.

Life shouldn’t be so hard. It shouldn’t be this complicated. It should be better, fun, and more meaningful.

“Let’s be friend.” Never has I ever heard it saying to me. Checked.

There is not anything I can do anymore, except to pray.

Jesus, I know you’re there. I know you do. Please help me believe and feel that you do. That you have great plan. You do. Lord. You do. I’m sorry for what I’ve done, Lord. When I chose what I want instead of what I’ve been taught by you to live. I messed up, my Lord. I did. Big time. More than I could’ve ever thought I would ended up in. All the things I tried to build, clashes, broken–into pieces. I feel horrible, Lord. I sinned. I’m broken and I am in need of you. To rescue me. I am broken and completely broke. Into pieces. I lacked values, principles I hold on to. Lord, I don’t have time for anything or anyone anymore. Not even for my friends, sister, or family. I’m down in this hole all alone by myself. I am not as happy as I should be. I let a guy turned me upside down and pinned me down to a rollercoaster ride. I let him do it. I let it happened to me. I allowed him to. It doesn’t have to be this way. It doesn’t. We’re not for each other from the very start. From the very beginning. We weren’t. It. I have hard time believing in so, even though my head said no, my heart rejected. The heart wants what it wants. My head trying to tell me otherwise. In reality, everything is all in my head.

Lord, I did wrong, Lord. I did. I am sorry I disappointed you, again and again. I messed up. And I don’t want to ever repeat this mistake again. It costed me. It’s costly. I am ashamed and guilty of what I did. I am sorry, Jesus. I am. Please forgive me. Forgive me this ugly sin.

Heart break is not a bad thing

Sometimes, heart break may be the best thing that ever happened to you. It makes you realized so much. It makes you feel alive. Like you’re living. Through the pain, you’re living. It’s magical. It makes your eyes suddenly magnified.

Sitting and brooding will not makes things better

The truth is sitting and brooding over negative emotions done more harm and good. The easiest, most obvious cure, is to get up and do something!

Life’s worth more living. It is. Think about the positives. There is so much to look forward to.

When you go forward, you keep going. Just keep going. Just keep on pushing. Everything will be ok. It will be better. Have hope and keep your head held high. Smile at others and more importantly smile inside to yourself.

11%

“Only 11% women know this” was the caption of a video I recently watched and I honestly felt resonated with the message.

I don’t know if this is an earthly message or what, but how I see the role or a picture of a husband and a wife is an image of two strong individual standing next to each other.

I, sometimes, heard that a great woman supports her man and amplify his ability to take care of her and family.

I know that my role as a potential wife is to love, encourage, and support my husband in what ever he does. I also know that if I make him happy, he, too, will make me happy in return. It goes both way.

As a man, I look for someone who will serve me–emotionally and physically. Of course, for the all things I expected to receive, I will also give.

The marriage that I see something very beautiful. If God truly blesses the relationship then it’s going to be amazing and wonderful.

Once I learn that giving the right way is when I do so in the name and glory of God.

Everything is going to be ok. When a man doesn’t care for you, examine how you’ve care for him in your own life and if that doesn’t being reciprocated then it’s time you walk away.

Vent

Sometimes, doubt or negativity is something I need to watch out for. They shouldn’t have a hold on me. People will think what they want to think. I can’t control that. All I can try to do is how I choose to interpret certain data. If is it useful, I will stored it on file. If it is junk, then it is going to the trash.

I want to be a good writer. A writer that communicates with majority of people. Random thought.

Anyhow, back to topic. It doesn’t matter what people think of what I am doing or my work. It doesn’t even matter. It only truly matters to what it matter and important to me. Do what I do, the thing I believed in. Is it something I find passionate. Is it something I am excited, feel the fire for. Does it empowers, excites, or motivates me. How does the work or the things I believed in makes me feel. It only matters when I find it matters. This is not a battle against others as much as, it can, but only if the moment is call for. It is battle against self.

I cannot live life free from other people. I need their interactions. I am starting to get confused a little. Hahaha. There is balance to everything. Enzyme operates the best when it is at their optimum pH level. We, too, works like enzyme. We can learn so much from God given nature. Philosophy as well. How nature works.

People probably won’t care what you have to say until they think you’re worth listening to. I learn that from one of my relatives. It is also their choice. I go to them once I know they’ll be able to offer or know what they’re talking about. You will learn what to talk about to different people.