What I learned

What I learned a hope to improve is the amount of time ones should learn to get over a break up. People often said the amount of time to get over a breakup varies on the couple/relationship etc. I had though that if the break up was bad or the relationship was messy then, for me at least, might take some times than a clean cut, nice break up.

I tried not to talk about it on my blog as of now. As I’m going through it and I also don’t want to jinx anything. Because so far, I thank God for the motion.

Little improvements are still progress and that is the best I could have been thankful for.

I think about it less and less as times go on. The intensity also decreases.

I’m thankful for everything. I also sorry for something.

Life is…

Life is peaceful and calm. Emotion is steady. It’s 3:03 PM on Tuesday. My Thanksgiving Break began. No wonder it feels nice.

My love language couldn’t be any stronger than what it is and that put me in a good mood. After I washed the dishes, she made me cereal and I was touched. I know it might sounds weird, that I felt tough just because she made me cereal, but I am.

Last night, I thought about how I haven’t been as thankful as I should and I think not being so could make life not as happy as I could be.

So, I wanted to be thankful for everything that happened thus far. Although, there had been experiences, in which, I regretted. However, I can’t dwell on the idea because sometimes the past remains the past and as much as I want to, I can’t go back and fix it. All I could do now is with the moment that I have.

I didn’t quite regretted a lot in life, but I could now say that I regretted one thing and I don’t if this will continue to be the thing I regretted, or over time I will learned to see that the good in it; that it happened for a reason–that it were meant to end the way it did.

I love how I started of hopeful, but slowly transitioned to a little sad story.

Anyhow, I hope I will do ok more and more each day and I hope he’s doing ok as well.

Remember this feeling

Remember this feeling you have right now. When you are going. When you keep going. When you’re getting better, stronger. When know you’re doing better. When you’re pushing through. When you’re happy the fire is burning. When you starting to feel hopeful. When you starting to love yourself. When you’re growing. God has a plan. He always does. Things that happened to you, through it, He remains unchanged, faithful, and awesome. You’re in good hands. He loves you so so much to sent His Son to die for you on the cross, so that you can be redeemed and made known to Him. God is love. He is love and you’re loved by Him. When you’re o.k, this is more than enough. Know that things happened for a reason. It does. Trust in the process. Don’t force the outcome. And always gives thanks to God. Thank Him for the provision He has and His goodness.

If you forget, come back to this message and remind yourself times-and-times again until it’s nailed to you. Love yourself. God is love. Love yourself well in the process and don’t forget to love others too.

What do I want?

What do I want exactly?

What do I want from him. Nothing. I want nothing from him. I am ok with having absolute nothing. It seems pessimistic, but nothing. I want and care for nothing. It’s ok the way it is. It is. It is ok. A O-K. 👌

There is more to life than one aspect that isn’t fulfill because there are more aspects to be fulfilled. You should thrive to make yourself happy. Care for yourself. Love yourself. Love yourself more. Be good to you.

When you seem to be able to give advices

When you seem to be able to give other people the proper advice or the advice that you think is best, but the one who you should be giving it to the most is, to yourself.

The paragraph above, truly resonates with me. It’s something I’m telling myself to understand and fully believe.

I met Crystal in a chemistry lab, she was my assigned lab partner for the semester. We worked well together because both of us cared about having good experimental results. Often time, when we waited for the experiment to do its magics (reactions), we would use that time to talk about life. I don’t share about my personal life voluntarily. It’s not something I often do. But Crystal didn’t mind, she was having a relationship problem, so she vent it out to me.

She said that she didn’t [sometimes] feel loved by her boyfriend, which I can certainly relate. As I went through something similar and it was good I went through it.
It was the one of the best things that ever happened to me for good. The experience twisted and turned my stomach. It has a quenching pain. It was just good.

I ended the relationship, only to later realized that I want it back, but I couldn’t quit pinpoint exactly why I wanted it when it wasn’t the best for me.

I told her to love herself more and value herself and to not let a guy turned her life upside down in a rollercoaster. Because he can’t. She (me) shouldn’t let him or anyone ever.

Even though, I told her the best advice I could think of, I am also speaking those advice to myself. God put me in this situation where I was giving advice to her, but in fact, I was giving advice to myself. He used her to tell me the things he wanted me to know more fully. I know them in my head, but I don’t listen to it. And that’s the problem.

I love him (an ex) and I would maybe give my world to him. But I can’t give my world to him because I don’t know if I can give the world to myself.

I missed him dearly and knowing that and focusing on the feelings is not the best thing I’m doing to myself right now. I’m going through something absolutely preventable. As magical as this sound, this symptoms could be cured. I am optimistic that it could be cured with a snap of a finger, to wake up.

It can’t be as clear as it could be. It’s as clear as the night and day. I need to be able to believe it. I do. I always ended up disappointing myself in relationship. It’s like I expect a lot out of it. I have my ideal everything planned out. They’re just not on board. They can’t ever be if it’s not from God.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I need to be still. There hasn’t been days that I didn’t think about it. I want to snap out of it and to be happy. I can’t afford to live a life like this. A sad, regretful, and longing life.

Life shouldn’t be so hard. It shouldn’t be this complicated. It should be better, fun, and more meaningful.

“Let’s be friend.” Never has I ever heard it saying to me. Checked.

There is not anything I can do anymore, except to pray.

Jesus, I know you’re there. I know you do. Please help me believe and feel that you do. That you have great plan. You do. Lord. You do. I’m sorry for what I’ve done, Lord. When I chose what I want instead of what I’ve been taught by you to live. I messed up, my Lord. I did. Big time. More than I could’ve ever thought I would ended up in. All the things I tried to build, clashes, broken–into pieces. I feel horrible, Lord. I sinned. I’m broken and I am in need of you. To rescue me. I am broken and completely broke. Into pieces. I lacked values, principles I hold on to. Lord, I don’t have time for anything or anyone anymore. Not even for my friends, sister, or family. I’m down in this hole all alone by myself. I am not as happy as I should be. I let a guy turned me upside down and pinned me down to a rollercoaster ride. I let him do it. I let it happened to me. I allowed him to. It doesn’t have to be this way. It doesn’t. We’re not for each other from the very start. From the very beginning. We weren’t. It. I have hard time believing in so, even though my head said no, my heart rejected. The heart wants what it wants. My head trying to tell me otherwise. In reality, everything is all in my head.

Lord, I did wrong, Lord. I did. I am sorry I disappointed you, again and again. I messed up. And I don’t want to ever repeat this mistake again. It costed me. It’s costly. I am ashamed and guilty of what I did. I am sorry, Jesus. I am. Please forgive me. Forgive me this ugly sin.

Heart break is not a bad thing

Sometimes, heart break may be the best thing that ever happened to you. It makes you realized so much. It makes you feel alive. Like you’re living. Through the pain, you’re living. It’s magical. It makes your eyes suddenly magnified.

Sitting and brooding will not makes things better

The truth is sitting and brooding over negative emotions done more harm and good. The easiest, most obvious cure, is to get up and do something!

Life’s worth more living. It is. Think about the positives. There is so much to look forward to.

When you go forward, you keep going. Just keep going. Just keep on pushing. Everything will be ok. It will be better. Have hope and keep your head held high. Smile at others and more importantly smile inside to yourself.