Sitting and brooding will not makes things better

The truth is sitting and brooding over negative emotions done more harm and good. The easiest, most obvious cure, is to get up and do something!

Life’s worth more living. It is. Think about the positives. There is so much to look forward to.

When you go forward, you keep going. Just keep going. Just keep on pushing. Everything will be ok. It will be better. Have hope and keep your head held high. Smile at others and more importantly smile inside to yourself.

11%

“Only 11% women know this” was the caption of a video I recently watched and I honestly felt resonated with the message.

I don’t know if this is an earthly message or what, but how I see the role or a picture of a husband and a wife is an image of two strong individual standing next to each other.

I, sometimes, heard that a great woman supports her man and amplify his ability to take care of her and family.

I know that my role as a potential wife is to love, encourage, and support my husband in what ever he does. I also know that if I make him happy, he, too, will make me happy in return. It goes both way.

As a man, I look for someone who will serve me–emotionally and physically. Of course, for the all things I expected to receive, I will also give.

The marriage that I see something very beautiful. If God truly blesses the relationship then it’s going to be amazing and wonderful.

Once I learn that giving the right way is when I do so in the name and glory of God.

Everything is going to be ok. When a man doesn’t care for you, examine how you’ve care for him in your own life and if that doesn’t being reciprocated then it’s time you walk away.

Bike Presentation

This is my school assignment I drafted on my blog because I like writing it on here more than in Word or Google doc.

Funding bike plans is not a one-size-fit-all meaning that federal, state, local/regional, as well as private sources often work together, doubling its effect to fund for the plan as it often require a lot of money, but still less than let’s say a high way project.

The type of funding needs will depends on the type of the project, whether that just be drawing small bike lane on a few block of the neighbored or having to expand  the street to adding bike lanes will will require more construction and thereforeand therefore also depends if there is funding available too., fund availability, or expediency, which is a mean to achieving an end.

Several sources will often be used. The choice depends on the availability of particular funds, the nature of the projects, and how fast are these funds are available.

Advocacy Advance is an organization that mostly used federally funded source to help local communities and organizations fight to persuade their states and local governments for a bike plan. They’ll help the local governments with how to extend those federal funds for infrastructure projects. As well as help build campaign for an actual proven plans or starting ballots for when lawmakers are not serving the community interest. Campaign – to implement a plan to get community on board with the plan.

Ballot – start the plan for voting, making the plan more official

 

One of the leaders to use federal funds to pay for bike lanes  is Memphis, TN. They used Fereal program such as Surface Transportation Program (STP), the Congestion Mitigation and Air Quality Improvement Program (CMAQ), and the Highway Safety Improvement Program (HSIP).

 

STP – give fund for state and local community to improve Federal-aid highway, bridge and tunnel projects on any public road, pedestrian and bicycle infrastructure, and transit capital projects, including intercity bus terminals.

 

CMAQ – funding source to State and local governments for transportation projects and programs that meet the requirement of the Clean Air Act. Funding is available to reduce congestion and improve air quality for areas that do not meet the National Ambient Air Quality Standards for ozone, carbon monoxide, or particulate matter (nonattainment areas) and for former nonattainment areas that are now in compliance (maintenance areas).

HSIP – is core Federal-aid program with the purpose to achieve a significant reduction in traffic fatalities and serious injuries on all public roads, including non-State-owned roads and roads on tribal land.

 

Eugene, OR used a state bicycle and pedestrian grant to build its first separated infrastructure.

Development impact fees are one- time charges collected from developers for financing new infrastructure construction and operations.

 

A bond is an investment that works like an IOU. It’s a loan to a company or government that pays investors a fixed rate of return over a specific term.

 

Many U.S. states and cities have funded transportation projects through local taxes and bonds approved by eligible voters.

 

General Revenue is a unallocated funds collected by the local and states from business and property owner. These are the money that can be used for any purposes (homeless shelter).

Love is a Type of Drug

Today, I learned that people typically become addicted to drug, not fully because once they stoped taking it, they experience withdraws. But because they missed or craved the good feelings drugs produce. That’s why those who stopped taking the drugs for months or years experienced relapse because they once experience the goods these drugs made them feel. Anyhow, it hit me today after class that there was a movie called Love and Other Drugs, or something like that. And it also l hit me again that, love is, in fact, a type of drug. I didn’t crave love or attachment because I didn’t want to experience withdraws. I crave it or think about it or miss it because I remembered the good feelings I once associated with. The stronger the drug elicited, the more I craved it, the harder it was to eliminate. As human, we learned through our experiences. There are chemicals being produced when two people began to feel good about one another. As a result, when the other person is absent, we begin to crave that drug. I had never had any drug, thus far, that is as strong as him. My first drug was me trying it out and realizing that there are better drugs out there. With my second type of drug, I just could never had enough of it for some reason, like I always seemed to crave it to a point where it became unhealthy and I don’t think it was doing me any good. Of course I missed it. The drug is one call-away. Isn’t it sad. Life, honestly should be easy and simple. I want it, I go get it, sort of thing. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just have it when I craved it. I might not even like him, but I absolutely love touching him. Ok, so I like touching him. It’s scary. Why does it have to be with him then? Why not having it with somebody else. I don’t know. I need to be able to live without this drug. Oxytocin, dopamine, I don’t know what the other ones are. It smells good. I like the smell very much. What should I do? I would be lying to myself. Because I also see that we’re not for each other. Also, I would be lying if I said that I just wanted the physical closeness without the actual commitment. I didn’t just want a drug that is shorted-lived I want the ones that is good for me. The ones that make me healthier. The ones that is sustaining and forever-lasting. One thing I know for a fact is that I need emotional support from a partner and I don’t know if he could provide that for me. I do enjoy his company and what I had with him isn’t what I have had with anyone before. It’s easier to form that with someone but to really connect with them on a deeper level I don’t know if that’s as easy to find. If I could just used him for the drug without emotional attachment, as high or euphoric as that sounds, why is that any different from prostitution. I mean I don’t want to be frank about it. But thoughts sometimes take me to places. We didn’t connect on a deeper level like I had wanted. I am not going to lie that I’m scared of what he could do to me. How he still hung up on his other drug, etc. I don’t want to wait. I can’t. I don’t want to. I either could have him fully or not at all.

Now that I think about it. I’m going through a withdraw and sure I am craving the goods despite the bad. The bad outweighs the good sometimes in my case. I am an addict for oxytocin and dopamine and many other chemicals from physical closeness. Maybe I can just get it from him, only to realize that I still cannot avoid the inevitable withdraw symptoms. It’s the inevitable that can’t be changed. Overtime, I will become tolerance of the drug and I will need more of it for the same effect. Once I become tolerance, I just need to, I don’t know, stop taking it for a while and then it’ll started to feel good again. Is that what love is? Should it be like this. I miss Chad Evans. I miss the drug with such high tolerance and withdraw. He may be craving another drug that isn’t me. And may as well be using me as a rebound in hope that I could provide him with the same, equal or more powerful effect. And if I didn’t, then he’ll simply go back to his old elicit drug.

Vent

Sometimes, doubt or negativity is something I need to watch out for. They shouldn’t have a hold on me. People will think what they want to think. I can’t control that. All I can try to do is how I choose to interpret certain data. If is it useful, I will stored it on file. If it is junk, then it is going to the trash.

I want to be a good writer. A writer that communicates with majority of people. Random thought.

Anyhow, back to topic. It doesn’t matter what people think of what I am doing or my work. It doesn’t even matter. It only truly matters to what it matter and important to me. Do what I do, the thing I believed in. Is it something I find passionate. Is it something I am excited, feel the fire for. Does it empowers, excites, or motivates me. How does the work or the things I believed in makes me feel. It only matters when I find it matters. This is not a battle against others as much as, it can, but only if the moment is call for. It is battle against self.

I cannot live life free from other people. I need their interactions. I am starting to get confused a little. Hahaha. There is balance to everything. Enzyme operates the best when it is at their optimum pH level. We, too, works like enzyme. We can learn so much from God given nature. Philosophy as well. How nature works.

People probably won’t care what you have to say until they think you’re worth listening to. I learn that from one of my relatives. It is also their choice. I go to them once I know they’ll be able to offer or know what they’re talking about. You will learn what to talk about to different people.

Not Everything I Hear is True

I sometimes don’t know if the advice that people give to me are the wisest. Even though they met well, it doesn’t mean that their advice and worldview is always correct. The thinks that I see the world as if it always beautiful etc. She makes it seems like I was living in illusion. As if I was raised shielded from the danger of this world. Dangers are there, I know, but it doesn’t mean that I will look for it. Sometimes it may  e looking for me, but I have a God that is my shield and even if I messed up, He is still me redeemer. I knows she cared about us and want the best for us, but sometimes, lessons that I learned are the ones, in which, I experienced it myself. It revealed to me that I can be arrogant too. This is something that I don’t necessary want for myself. It will only going to hurt me. Being arrogant isn’t the best God wants for me. I don’t know if having a little bit is ok. I don’t know, but I want to be able to view it as objectively as I can. There will perhaps always be something wrong. Things that hurt me. Things that hurt my feelings, etc. I am honestly trying each day, trying to go through task I was assigned. I am living my life and it is a beautiful thing. I am going to continue to believe in what I do and I will see how it is going to play out. Good or bad I will find out and adjust to the outcome accordingly. I’m not even at all perfect. I don’t think I will ever be. Sure, I was perhaps raised to be a certain way, but that doesn’t mean that I will let that dictate my life. I love my parents. They loved me and wanted the best for me. I know. But it is their job to let me fly too. To let me learn things on my own. My mom supports me always. So does my dad. They’re the two biggest encourager for me. So is my sister. I am thankful for what they have given me. I came to understand many things as well. They raised me as their friends. They also let me be me. They didn’t restrict me. They let me be free. That is the best thing I could have ever asked for. Sure, I didn’t do drug or what not. Nevertheless, I know I still have many flaws. But I don’t want those flaws to be my identity, it doesn’t identify who I am. I am imperfect. Whatever, you may called it. But, that is not going to be something that I want it to define me. I can always and will always grow, messed up, learned, analyzed, then grow from it. Growing until I am dead. Until, I have no more. Until, God is taking me to hopefully his kingdom that He prepares for me.

Yeah, this is me at 22 years old with this kind of thoughts. I don’t know if this thought is right nor wrong. Or whatever, but it is the thought I have on Nov. 7th (my first ever bf birthday) that I am not going to tell him even though I still remembered. If something is toxic in my life. No matter what it is, I can and must cut it. Detoxify.

Perhaps the area of my love life hasn’t been like I wanted to be. At this point, it is not really my focus. It is just not. There is so much more thing to do, to learn, to explore. I explored this side of things a little bit now. Now, there are other things I look forward to. I am learning still. Always learning. Life is too short to be miserable. To think that it is negative or to think that it is too dangerous. It may be, but I could careless. Life doesn’t need me to keep going. It doesn’t. The sun will still rise even if I am not here. Darkness will cease even if I stoped breathing. The world keeps on moving, progressing its cycle. I am here to praise and believe in my God and all the promising He has for me. I could careless other may have said. They cannot change my perspective on life. I see it like I see it, perhaps I am blind. Perhaps it is delusional. Perhaps it is totally false, well, like I say the world could careless about me or my worldview. There is so much out there I haven’t seen or experienced. So much. So much. I am still learning. Living. At 22 years old. I have dreams and goals. I am living. I am not going to stop. Ever. Ever. I want to keep on living. Living for Christ. He builds my spirit. Living the life He has given me. He gives me brain, legs, mouth, and arms. I can do so much with what he has given to me. I forgot, also ears.

I love my family. I do. My relatives too. They’re the people I go to when I am at my lowest point in my life. I appreciate them. I will take what I find useful from them. Yet, this is my life and it is my story. I am the narrator. I am the protagonist. I run my life. God guides me. He helps me. He gives me choices. I am using what he gives me.

Thank you for calling me na ka. I appreciate your phone call. I will also make time to call you from now on–to talk to you not only when I need to talk, but because I simply wanted to talk to you. You’re important to me. Therefore, it is my responsibility to cherish these relationships. Because I don’t want regrets. I wanted to be able to say that I have loved them well and they know I love them well.

For those that I’ve crossed. Thank you. I’ve learned what I wanted in a partner. I’ve learn to say no. I’ve learn to still choose what’s best for me. I’ve grown from it. And that’s to celebrate.

Cheers to learning.

Church

Well today, I went to church with Chad and Schuyler. Both should get along because who doesn’t get along with Schuyler Holland. I mean this guy is literally so friendly, kind, and genuine. Also very funny. He’s very punny as well. Then there is Chad. Umm, yup there is Chad.

Chad deserves his own paragraph because Chad just like Schuyler and me, I mean we’re all individual people, but yeah Chad is different. Perhaps, for now, he is. He is someone I grow to like. Someone I came to perhaps love. Someone who also brought me pain. Someone I don’t know where he is at. I’m sort of trying let go maybe. Sort of taking a step back with my troops. He is busy with his work. I get it. I will be busy too, but I can always find time for him because he has become someone I will make time for. I don’t know if he feels the same way now that I starting to like him. I scared of being hurt. You know what I am just going to go for it. I am going to do what I want to love and care for him even if it might be disappointed. I will bring him my grandma’s medicine for mosquitoes bite. Because I thought of it.

Anyhow someone (Emerson) once told me to not be afraid. I told me that I’m afraid of being disappointed in love. You know what I am not going to be scare of it anymore. I will do what I want. I will overcome this fear of rejection. Even if he rejected me well, then I learned so much, so so much. So so much more than being rejected. God is protecting me, watching over me. He has something for me. Perhaps he wanted me to learn to love. I don’t care anymore if what I did will got me rejected, because then so let it be it. Let me get rejected, let’s test it. Now I have a hypothesis that I am going to be rejected well, let’s test the hypothesis.

I also don’t know if I will be able to like Chad for a long time. That’s the question. Another test experiment. Will I still love him? With his personality. Am I merely just attracted to his look. I wasn’t in the beginning. I mean a little bit, not a lot. But I grew to like him. I found him more and more attractive. His hard shell. His hard demeanor. Not wanting to hold my hands sometimes. Etc.

Oh well, let just says it’s hard to predict him. I never knew his intention. I might be over thinking it, but I just quite don’t understand it at times. Anyhow I’m going to be patience and wait. I’m going to guard my heart, but still give. I have to ask myself why am I doing this. Perhaps I want my love to be returned. I want his heart. I want him to love me. Is this right? So I’m doing it to get my love return? What if it’s not well then I’ll know that I’ve given my all, it’s just simply not being return and I think I can live with that knowing that I’ve done my best.

What if we’re not meant to be together. What if the past has shown itself. Well, the past want my best. It wasn’t my best. Therefore, doubt is still there. So this time, I will actually tried, it’s just a few thing of my day to do.

I’ve not really done that. But I can. Because I love the person.

Dear Lord, please protect and give me self-control. Please allow me to not be loose in my way and to guard my body and heart. I asked you to help not to settle and not be blindsided by simply his looks. That I truly see through him and see if he’s in fact is or is not the guy for me. I asked that you give me patience, kindness, and love for everyone. I asked that you help me with my choices and decisions. I asked that I will not be fool that you would give me freedom. I asked that you help keep my heart strong.

I asked that you will make me grow. Thank you Jesus for giving friends and families. I prayed that I’ll learn to focus most on the things above for that is where I will be. That I will prepare myself, for the things of the above.

thank you, Jesus for everything. Please help me focus my priorities and to be content, Lord. In your name. Amen.