9/11

It was during my thanksgiving break was when I get to spend time with my families and we spend time by cooking, eating, and talking to them. I am not sure how conversation unfold, but my uncle, my sister, and I eventually got to a political discussion, on what is happening today in America. I have asked myself why U.S. goes to wars with the Middle East and Vietnam, which I believe many has to with profits and root cause of why people goes to war has a lot to do with money and power. Whenever, my sister and I fight, it has to do with resources, in which I did not want to share and want all of it myself, since I believe it is mine that’s why we argue and even fight. Sometimes, I simply did not like her and think negatively of her, which in reality I am only interpreting from only my point of view and only seeing things from my perspective, which can be faulty and not correct.

I had like to compare the way my sister and I fought to why U.S. decided to enter wars with the Middle East and Vietnam. I struggled finding a topic I am interested in writing. This topic is probably the closest to what I found to be interesting and mysterious. Is the reason why U.S. go to war truly pure in intention or is it for personal gain, for power, perhaps all, perhaps one reason more than the other, but was using the more ideal reason to gain public approval and support to enter the war. There were many question more than answers and I had like to do research in hoping to get closer to the truth of why America goes to war because I believe there are pattern in why we go to war in the first place.

I believe sometimes, going to war are one of the ways, in which to resolve certain situation. I believe war for freedom and equality seems justifiable; however, a war can also be about control and greed, a money war or a political war. Looking back if I decided to share resources with my sister and treated her as I want to be treated, then we wouldn’t have argue or fight in the first place. Sometimes, however, both side do not want to negotiate to reach a common ground, therefore, the problems and grudges remains, such as what’s happening in the Arab and Palestinian War or the Korean War.

United States, compare to other older civilizations like the Persian, Ancient Greek, Chinese, Mayan, Egyptian, and etc., is a relatively new country, being only 242 years old according to the WorldAtlas. The U.S., however, began to emerged its resources during the industrial revolution, many were being modeled after Great Britain. Hands-labor were being replace by machines for faster and mass production, which in turns increase productivities, resources, and eventually the standards of living for many Americans at the time. After the industrial revolution, America was getting rich at that point (U.S. History) and money is power. Now that America have the resources, it means that we can do more things and achieve a lot more than we could before. Now, we can actually mass produced weapons, tanks, machine guns, bombs, grenades, and destructive chemical weapons. We might want to sometimes test their effect in an actual war and making profit of off the war that is going on, which is why U.S. began to emerged as a super power after World War I and II, because we were not directly involved with the war, except bombing Nagasaki and Hiroshima, which is a different style of war compare to how Hitler decided to march to Russia, we on the other hands used planes to attack.  Europe at that point experienced a lot of damaged after the war while America, luckily being far enough from the chaos, did not greatly suffered the post-war damaged, but emerged as the super power (economically) it strongly pride–America was rich and prosperous.

To ask why U.S. decides to go to war is a broad question that has more than one easy answer. However, in this paper, I argue that all the war we entered has to do with money. In a sense, America view itself as the top country that other less developed countries should model itself after ours system because we believe we are the best and we pride ourselves in that. Most countries nowadays that one travel to may be surprised to see how many Starbucks, Exxon Mobile, KFC, Seven-Eleven, Subway, Duncan Donuts, and McDonald’s is at the corner of the streets. Western, more specially America’s business grew in these countries as some may refer it to was neocolonialism, in which we appeal and let other perceive us as ideal to gain their acceptance through other means than colonialism or imperialism. According to the U.S. News, despite some anti-immigrantion sentiments from our culture today, the U.S. is the country that accepts the most immigrants, with Germany placed in second, and United Kingdom coming in third. People who lives in other countries still view America as the land for opportunity and generally still perceive this country to be one of the best place to reside. The more America became allied with the rest of the world, the more we can do business with them, the more we make money and spread our influence.

The Middle East seems to not be cooperating with us economically, therefore, my assumption is that we will try to find reasons to get involve with them, which is why we are in war with them currently. Asia, Europe, and Africa seems fine with us, however, the Middle East seems like the odd balls. We can also perceived this in the way people dress. Most Asians, European, and African no longer dress in their traditional attire for their everyday look, however, they dress according to the American and European fashion influence. However, they will still dress in their traditional attire for a special occasion such as wedding ceremonies and national holidays. The Middle Eastern, on the other hand, I still sees the way they dress mostly to their ethnic background and not so much with Western influences, which is intriguing.

It is a daunting task to review the timeline regarding the U.S. involvement with the Middle East. Since Mohammad Mossadeq, the newly elected became the prime minister of Iran after Ali Razamara death due to shot gun, Mossadeq’s plan to nationalize oil industry in Iran, preventing foreign intervention from Britain from controlling Iranian economy. Mossadeq became the Man of the Year from Time Magazine in 1951. In 1953, Churchill appeals to Eisenhower to overthrown Mossadeq, “worrying that Mossadeq’s nationalist aspirations will lead to an eventual communist takeover.”

The U.S. seems to use communist take-over as the reason to engagement in many of the wars. It perhaps seem that all the wars we engaged in was an indirect war against the Soviet Union, which seems questionable. Sometimes, I wonder are they really enemy of each other as to black and white.

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Hi

I don’t really know what I’m doing writing this out. I feel betrayed. I feel that I can’t trust her. I feel like things aren’t the way that I thought they were. Like JP said, we are most comfortable when things are in order. When things are the way we expect them to be, for good or bad. But when things suddenly change and we realize in one moment that the things that we took for fact are in fact not true, then we question everything we “knew”. The introduction of chaos into our order. I’ve dealt with these problems for a long time. I can’t trust people. I don’t trust people because everyone lies. I don’t trust other guys, they have there agendas, I have mine. I hate being angry. I hate feeling like I want to beat somebody. Why do I hate people as much as I do? I don’t hate people. I hate those that don’t hold certain values that I do. I wanted to kill the guy she was texting. I felt betrayed by her. There’s no better way to say it. Now I want to trust her, but it’s difficult. I don’t know if her mistake was made out of ignorance or malicious intent. Only time can answer that question truthfully. In the future what am I going to do? I’m scared of being hurt again. I don’t know to deal with this kind of thing. I run away in my head but I can never escape it. I have to face it and face my insecurities. The things that I have that won’t ever go away. I think everyone and everything is against me. Maybe it is true? I was pissed off at what I saw. I like her too much to hold something like this against her too much. But this certainly damaged my trust. Is she taking this as seriously as I am? No. Will she? I don’t know. I wonder if she knows what it’s like to feel that way. The way I feel when I read stuff like I did. I’m more disappointed than angry. What else is there to say? I just have to wait to see if things get better. See if she understood what I said and want to change, or not. I’m afraid that I’ll get hurt again like I did before. I don’t know if I can live through it.  So in that sense, I guess I’m really having to trust her with so much more. Even if I don’t know if I can trust her. Guys like him need to just off themselves. Yea it’s dark and harsh. So is the world. Doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Maybe I’m wrong and twisted. But I’m not a bad person at heart. When it comes down to the things that separate the honest people from the scum of the earth, I’d like to think that I’d prove myself. I’d never do what he did. Not even close. I really hope he falls into a deep depression like I did. I want him to feel just a fraction of the pain I did. To not want to get up in the morning. Have everything lose its value, even himself. How bad did he want her? Probably pretty bad based off of what I saw but he is a manipulative, terrible person. Why does this stuff seem so obvious and straight forward to me? But no one else can seem to understand? Like it’s some really complicated topic that requires a lot of thought. Maybe God is punishing me for something. This will probably happen again. So how will I deal with it then? I’m worried to know. I care for her more than I probably should but I can’t help it. You can’t chose how you feel about people. It’s weird but this kind of situation makes me appreciate all of the good guys I’ve met in my life. The few. The world needs more people like them but no. More terrible people with no values or sense of right or wrong. Just what they want. Ignorant sub-human garbage that has no respect for anything. These people that talk like that are the ones that stab you in the back the second they get the chance. The worst type of people in the world. And yes, I mean the worst out of everyone. I just hope she doesn’t like me less. I only get as mad and disappointed as I do because I care so much. I pray that she doesn’t betray me in this way again. It will be ugly and I don’t want to experience that myself. Please God, don’t do that to me. I also saw what she really thinks of me in those texts. I’m just another guy. But one that doesn’t share her same definition of “dating”. Some terrible justification to not be faithful or just ignorance. It doesn’t matter which one. Do I really mean so little to her that she would be willing to just throw it away to have something with some piece of trash like that guy? What am I missing? What’s so wrong with me? Hopefully her opinion of me will change in time because I can see it’s not very good. I’m scared. Please God not again. You know what it did to me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How do I even begin this, the honest truth is I didn’t want to expect a lot out of anything. I am not as serious because it is pretty early, only time will tell. I am scare that I won’t be able to love or to love fully and stupidly. It is scary. I am selfish, but what I did wasn’t meant to hurt him. It wasn’t intended to be that way at all. I just like to talk and “flirt”, even if I don’t think it is flirting. Anyhow, everything for me takes time. People come and goes. Who knows what the future holds. No one, only God knows. God knows my heart. There is that part in me that still like to play around; for fun. But to be honest, when I am more serious with someone, I don’t play around with them. I don’t flirt with them. I hold back a little or preserve them. Those who I talk to a lot are those that I knew that I wasn’t serious to begin with. Don’t worry that I will like them because I already made the decision early on. I know who I am interested in. I don’t just get with any guy, oh no, not at all. I have values. It might contradict your view, but texting doesn’t require any effort. Meeting the person does, spending time with the person does, talking and getting to know them does. You’re not just another guy. I hope you’re not just another guy. You shouldn’t feel angry or worry (but I want to make you disappointed or not trust especially in the beginning stage where things are not as establish in the grey area and where uncertain flows) because it is fun and I don’t want anyone to feel bad. Just knows that it is really no big deal. I can’t tell you how to feel. Never settle and I don’t ask you to trust me, trust in God, don’t trust in me. People will fail you, but He never fails. I pray that our relationship will be center on God that if this is meant to be that he will revel and strengthen and bless this relationship for His glory, but if it’s not that he will revel it early on, so that both of us will be able to learn and move on. So far, I want this relationship to be beautiful and nourishing; for it to be a place where I will be reminded of God’s pre-gift. Chad, I am thankful for you and the way you are. You are a kind introverted person. You’re interesting. Sometimes you’re like a child and sometimes you’re a oldie from having back pain. You’re melo. You are a person outside my family who I am comfortable being around with. Another reason why,  it is hard to not as natural for me to introduce you as my boyfriend is because I don’t know what is going to happened. I don’t know how long I will be your girlfriend for. I don’t know and not sure about labeling because I don’t want to tell people you’re my boyfriend and the next thing is you’re not. I had rather wait for at least 3 – 6 months to fully say for certainly that Chad is someone I am confident to call my boyfriend, even though calling him a boyfriend would be an understatement.

Regarding the problem that we had–your ex and my like to have fun, I think it’s meant to make this relationship stronger. Edison didn’t fail, who knows how many time before he saw the light. For some reason, this relationship is not what we hope for, I wanted to let you that you can trust God and that he’ll help you find your person; whoever it maybe. Who knows that the future holds. Right now, I pray that my relationship with you will make you be closer to Him if there is anything you get out of this relationship. We met for a reason. I like you and I am thankful for your seriousness and kindness towards me. You’re crazy and awesome in your own way. You care. I admire that about you. I am so tired right now I can feel my body shutting down. Chad, I thank you.

Ummm

Today is a Friday, opps never mind, it is a Saturday instead; a family week at my college where parents just seems to be flooded everywhere. It is nice to witness family time, but honestly, I wish I get to see mine as well, but again, there is a part of me that think it is okay and I can simply unto Thanksgiving to see them. uhhhh…

This week, I am determine to accomplish tasks I’ve set my mind to, finish MOST of my school works and get in-touch with my potential jobs at the lab. LET’S DO IT!

Yahhhhh..

You got this, do it, do it, do it.

Anyway, writing has been therapeutic. It is a pathway for me to release, especially when I live alone.

There is this guy is sort of like. But, I think he might be too young for me. There is also another guy I haven’t met, who is older, for sure, like 5 years older. Anyway, it is kind of fun. I, no the other hand, is by any means love stuff like this, the getting-to-know phrase. Being a introvert that I am, I don’t know if anyone will able to know me really. But again, I have goals and dreams that I want to pour my focus into, if someone were to come into my life, they must be worth it. If I see their effort and if I see their passion, I will also pour mine, in the right way. Does this sounds selfish, well, it can be, but I am looking for someone who will stick around, dependable, caring, and serious, so…I can wait. I am not in rush.

After a Relationship

I am feeling somewhat alone and wanted someone to go out and eat with today. I can text some of my friends, but it seems to me that there is this one person I had like to share my time with.

Before, my getting in a relationship, I was doing thing by myself just fine. I had go to Chipotle and order a veggie bowl and bring it back to eat at my dorm just fine. Which this convinced me that I can do it now just fine as well. I had like to text some of my guy friends, however, I don’t want to give a wrong impression of me liking them because I don’t and am only looking to be friend.

Encouragement

I just finished my physics test, I bombed it. I thank God for allowing me to be optimistic, realizing that He is in control and He knows all thing.

I am not worry about the future because He is my Rock, my God, my Creator. He will lead and guide me as long as I am holding on to Him and have my eyes fixed on Him.

I am pretty sure that next semester for me is when I will go on a pre-nursing route. I think God is guiding me in this direction. I will listen. For the classes I am taking now, I will try my best and hold on to Him.

I thanked God for bringing good people into my life who gave me encouragement. I don’t know what the future will be like, but I am not anxious. Everything will be okay.

God, where are you going with this?

So, where should I begin this. I might have met a person who I felt good about meeting. Although, I am at first I was wondering about where is God wants me in this? I met a guy, who I thought is adorable. He’s nice and cute. Why am I thinking as if most girls would say this when they met someone. It’s such as common phrase.

I met him at a tutoring center in college. We happened to need help with the same physics class we are taking. I remembered that I talked to him first. I asked in the air, “Are you guys doing physics?. Something along this line, then he replied. I couldn’t recall vividly what he said, but yeah, that how we met.

We met again in the same week when I went to see the Blade Runner that on show at our college’s theater. I recognize his back and when the movie ended, we said hi, and talked about “Did you finish your homework in physics?” I said “No.”

One thing about him though, whenever he was about to leave, he would always said, good luck with physics, or good luck with whatever I was doing at the time. I thought that was nice.

We met again at our physics SI, which is sort like a peer-led tutoring. I was just talking to him casually and when the SI ended he went out with someone he knew.

I honestly did not think much about any of this situation, from the beginning to the SI. I just thought that he was a nice person. I can feel the vibe. He would smiled.

So, this time is when me met again at another of our SI session, this time he sat next to me and I helped him with the stuff we went over at the end of the SI. He complimented that I should be his physics teacher. I was just happy that I was able to help him understand this hard subject. Then, we walked out together and talked for almost an hour, until I had to depart to get help with chemistry 2 lab. Oh, I forgot, we decided to exchange number.

We texted a bit and then more and more. He would tell me funny and interesting stuff about his roommate named Derek. It was funny and I laughed at how he had to go through all of those situations.

One thing that I did not know enough about him is his place in Christ. He have gone to church, however, he has not been going to church while he is in college. I would have to say that I was not a regular Sunday church attendy either last semester, but it is definitely my priority every Sunday this semester.

I will be continually to pray to my Creator about where is he going with this. God will always and will be my desired priority in life because he is the source of living water, causing us to not be thirsty if I get the water from Him.

My prayer to this is that, he will guide me to show His love towards him and that God will used me to show him, His love. I prayed that I will have a sensitive ear and spirit of what the Holy Spirit and God are telling me. I pray for courage to be a faithful representer of Christ, to be the disciple leading others to the lighthouse.

Failure Lead to Success?

Not to sound pessimistic, but not all failures will lead to success if that failures aren’t learn. I am not sure how to feel good about this because I obviously felt bad after realizing that I could have done much better on my second chemistry exam. Exhale. Really, I was under prepared. The test is not impossible to make an A. I definitely could make an A, IF I was better prepare and be MORE ALERT. I am disappointed, deeply. But, there is nothing I could do about it now since it has already passed.

I have another exam tomorrow. A statistic test and another one on Tuesday and Wednesday. I need to prepare for the statistic exam ASAP to avoid disappointments, negativity, and all sorts of self-doubt and self-blaming emotion.

I am not sure how to cope with failure in exam or in life. When I did some google searching, I am hoping to find something relating to “what does the scripture says about failure.” I sure God is bigger than any failure in my life. But my mind, at this moment, I only see and feel what I want to see and feel, so the bigger picture is definitely not into focus. I felt that I deserved to feel this negativity since I made the decision.

Right now, my worry or fear is that I would repeat this mistake twice; again and again. I don’t want that. I absolutely terrify of that. I cannot even think about it.

I am having a conflict here. I wanted to put God first in my life, but right now, at this moment,  I will still put God FIRST in my life. I also will increase my work ethics as I truly wanted to go to medical school. It’s my dream. Thinking about it makes me hopeful, but the short sighted reality is that I have 1 more test this week and 2 more tests the week after.

Life can be hard if I make it hard.

I needed to have better strategies for studying and planing each and every step well to have a smoother life in college. I need to make sure that I plan accordingly. Whatever I am doing right now is not working. It very rushing and not clever. I need a clever planing. I only have 4 classes this semester. It’s not unbearable. I just need to make a better sense of myself, start making smart decision, plan ahead, and to be on top of things! That’s what’s calls success! Start reorganizing your life and don’t ever lose sight of God.