11%

“Only 11% women know this” was the caption of a video I recently watched and I honestly felt resonated with the message.

I don’t know if this is an earthly message or what, but how I see the role or a picture of a husband and a wife is an image of two strong individual standing next to each other.

I, sometimes, heard that a great woman supports her man and amplify his ability to take care of her and family.

I know that my role as a potential wife is to love, encourage, and support my husband in what ever he does. I also know that if I make him happy, he, too, will make me happy in return. It goes both way.

As a man, I look for someone who will serve me–emotionally and physically. Of course, for the all things I expected to receive, I will also give.

The marriage that I see something very beautiful. If God truly blesses the relationship then it’s going to be amazing and wonderful.

Once I learn that giving the right way is when I do so in the name and glory of God.

Everything is going to be ok. When a man doesn’t care for you, examine how you’ve care for him in your own life and if that doesn’t being reciprocated then it’s time you walk away.

Bike Presentation

This is my school assignment I drafted on my blog because I like writing it on here more than in Word or Google doc.

Funding bike plans is not a one-size-fit-all meaning that federal, state, local/regional, as well as private sources often work together, doubling its effect to fund for the plan as it often require a lot of money, but still less than let’s say a high way project.

The type of funding needs will depends on the type of the project, whether that just be drawing small bike lane on a few block of the neighbored or having to expand  the street to adding bike lanes will will require more construction and thereforeand therefore also depends if there is funding available too., fund availability, or expediency, which is a mean to achieving an end.

Several sources will often be used. The choice depends on the availability of particular funds, the nature of the projects, and how fast are these funds are available.

Advocacy Advance is an organization that mostly used federally funded source to help local communities and organizations fight to persuade their states and local governments for a bike plan. They’ll help the local governments with how to extend those federal funds for infrastructure projects. As well as help build campaign for an actual proven plans or starting ballots for when lawmakers are not serving the community interest. Campaign – to implement a plan to get community on board with the plan.

Ballot – start the plan for voting, making the plan more official

 

One of the leaders to use federal funds to pay for bike lanes  is Memphis, TN. They used Fereal program such as Surface Transportation Program (STP), the Congestion Mitigation and Air Quality Improvement Program (CMAQ), and the Highway Safety Improvement Program (HSIP).

 

STP – give fund for state and local community to improve Federal-aid highway, bridge and tunnel projects on any public road, pedestrian and bicycle infrastructure, and transit capital projects, including intercity bus terminals.

 

CMAQ – funding source to State and local governments for transportation projects and programs that meet the requirement of the Clean Air Act. Funding is available to reduce congestion and improve air quality for areas that do not meet the National Ambient Air Quality Standards for ozone, carbon monoxide, or particulate matter (nonattainment areas) and for former nonattainment areas that are now in compliance (maintenance areas).

HSIP – is core Federal-aid program with the purpose to achieve a significant reduction in traffic fatalities and serious injuries on all public roads, including non-State-owned roads and roads on tribal land.

 

Eugene, OR used a state bicycle and pedestrian grant to build its first separated infrastructure.

Development impact fees are one- time charges collected from developers for financing new infrastructure construction and operations.

 

A bond is an investment that works like an IOU. It’s a loan to a company or government that pays investors a fixed rate of return over a specific term.

 

Many U.S. states and cities have funded transportation projects through local taxes and bonds approved by eligible voters.

 

General Revenue is a unallocated funds collected by the local and states from business and property owner. These are the money that can be used for any purposes (homeless shelter).

All in the Head. All About Perspective.

It’s late, precisely 1:12 am in the morning. I made an instant coffee, knowing that I would need it tonight to finish my 2 of my assignments and a powerpoint presentation. I still have to also make the PPT, bibliography, as well as start practicing the presentation. I need to know what I am talking about first. I have a test on Friday that I also have to study for.

I called my friend today. I vented my problem to her. She give me advice. She basically told me that it is up to me and that we’ve been over this many times now. She basically got tired of my ****. Anyhow, my other friend, who I typically talked to, said that I basically have an emotional struggle, which I laughed because it’s not necessarily false.

I attempted to called my mom. She didn’t answered. I then called my dad, he picked-up. I cried in front of him. He tried to comfort me until he got a little frustrated at me and basically told me to be some senses. He basically told to get-up-and-get-going-on-with-my-life.

Claudia, one of my friends, asked if I am settling. I didn’t want to settle, but I am hung-up on this problem–this emotional struggle.

My heart and brain completely says to different things. My feelings want to do what its wants, which is getting back into being in a relationship. My brain and conscious and sometimes my value, dignity, and pride prevented me from doing all those things I wanted. If I can just live life. Doing whatever I want to do, what would that turn out. Live life however I want to–being free. No bondage. Would I then be happy?

I want to get back with him, why can’t I? No one supported my decision. No one. Absolutely none. I’m the only one who want to do what she wants. Aren’t I am my own protagonist in this life? In this story? Can we work things out.

He doesn’t bring any good in me. In fact, more than anything, he can make me become negative just like himself. So why do I want to be with someone like that? He has depression and is not even completely over his ex-gf. Well, why, then, would I want to be with someone like that? Is it as simple as love? Is it truly that stupid? What if this love is not even reciprocated? What if he will just toss me aside? What if he just going to dump me at the end? What if he changed his mind? What if he changed his behavior–treat me badly, abuse me, curse at me, and ignored me? If he does all that, would I still love him?

Think. Really. If it because I had that with him that’s why it is hard to get rid of?

I am wide awake. People tell me to be strong. They told me that there are better people out there for me.

Can I accept that he will not going to ever fulfill me? I am 22 years old.

If he rejected me, am I going to be ok?

Can you live without him? Yes, I can.

Enough of thinking about him.

Enough of waiting on him.

Enough of being miserable.

Enough of crying about him.

Enough of caring about him.

Enough of everything that has to do with him.

He doesn’t care about you, Cam. He doesn’t. Not nearly as you would care about him. He also doesn’t love you nearly as you love him. He doesn’t value or protect you as much as you would about him. He didn’t choose you. He just doesn’t say it. Do you really need him to tell you directly that. That he doesn’t love you. Is that what you wanted to hear?

Please learn to accept the truth. Stop lying to yourself. Stop dwelling in this misery hole. You need to get up already. It has been 5 months of restlessness. You’re doing this to yourself. He has moved on. You haven’t. He is gone. You stayed at the same, exact spot. It is time that you do something, please do something. Just something. Gather yourself. Stop thinking about him. Gather all your broken pieces and leave as you are.

Love is a Type of Drug

Today, I learned that people typically become addicted to drug, not fully because once they stoped taking it, they experience withdraws. But because they missed or craved the good feelings drugs produce. That’s why those who stopped taking the drugs for months or years experienced relapse because they once experience the goods these drugs made them feel. Anyhow, it hit me today after class that there was a movie called Love and Other Drugs, or something like that. And it also l hit me again that, love is, in fact, a type of drug. I didn’t crave love or attachment because I didn’t want to experience withdraws. I crave it or think about it or miss it because I remembered the good feelings I once associated with. The stronger the drug elicited, the more I craved it, the harder it was to eliminate. As human, we learned through our experiences. There are chemicals being produced when two people began to feel good about one another. As a result, when the other person is absent, we begin to crave that drug. I had never had any drug, thus far, that is as strong as him. My first drug was me trying it out and realizing that there are better drugs out there. With my second type of drug, I just could never had enough of it for some reason, like I always seemed to crave it to a point where it became unhealthy and I don’t think it was doing me any good. Of course I missed it. The drug is one call-away. Isn’t it sad. Life, honestly should be easy and simple. I want it, I go get it, sort of thing. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just have it when I craved it. I might not even like him, but I absolutely love touching him. Ok, so I like touching him. It’s scary. Why does it have to be with him then? Why not having it with somebody else. I don’t know. I need to be able to live without this drug. Oxytocin, dopamine, I don’t know what the other ones are. It smells good. I like the smell very much. What should I do? I would be lying to myself. Because I also see that we’re not for each other. Also, I would be lying if I said that I just wanted the physical closeness without the actual commitment. I didn’t just want a drug that is shorted-lived I want the ones that is good for me. The ones that make me healthier. The ones that is sustaining and forever-lasting. One thing I know for a fact is that I need emotional support from a partner and I don’t know if he could provide that for me. I do enjoy his company and what I had with him isn’t what I have had with anyone before. It’s easier to form that with someone but to really connect with them on a deeper level I don’t know if that’s as easy to find. If I could just used him for the drug without emotional attachment, as high or euphoric as that sounds, why is that any different from prostitution. I mean I don’t want to be frank about it. But thoughts sometimes take me to places. We didn’t connect on a deeper level like I had wanted. I am not going to lie that I’m scared of what he could do to me. How he still hung up on his other drug, etc. I don’t want to wait. I can’t. I don’t want to. I either could have him fully or not at all.

Now that I think about it. I’m going through a withdraw and sure I am craving the goods despite the bad. The bad outweighs the good sometimes in my case. I am an addict for oxytocin and dopamine and many other chemicals from physical closeness. Maybe I can just get it from him, only to realize that I still cannot avoid the inevitable withdraw symptoms. It’s the inevitable that can’t be changed. Overtime, I will become tolerance of the drug and I will need more of it for the same effect. Once I become tolerance, I just need to, I don’t know, stop taking it for a while and then it’ll started to feel good again. Is that what love is? Should it be like this. I miss Chad Evans. I miss the drug with such high tolerance and withdraw. He may be craving another drug that isn’t me. And may as well be using me as a rebound in hope that I could provide him with the same, equal or more powerful effect. And if I didn’t, then he’ll simply go back to his old elicit drug.

Vent

Sometimes, doubt or negativity is something I need to watch out for. They shouldn’t have a hold on me. People will think what they want to think. I can’t control that. All I can try to do is how I choose to interpret certain data. If is it useful, I will stored it on file. If it is junk, then it is going to the trash.

I want to be a good writer. A writer that communicates with majority of people. Random thought.

Anyhow, back to topic. It doesn’t matter what people think of what I am doing or my work. It doesn’t even matter. It only truly matters to what it matter and important to me. Do what I do, the thing I believed in. Is it something I find passionate. Is it something I am excited, feel the fire for. Does it empowers, excites, or motivates me. How does the work or the things I believed in makes me feel. It only matters when I find it matters. This is not a battle against others as much as, it can, but only if the moment is call for. It is battle against self.

I cannot live life free from other people. I need their interactions. I am starting to get confused a little. Hahaha. There is balance to everything. Enzyme operates the best when it is at their optimum pH level. We, too, works like enzyme. We can learn so much from God given nature. Philosophy as well. How nature works.

People probably won’t care what you have to say until they think you’re worth listening to. I learn that from one of my relatives. It is also their choice. I go to them once I know they’ll be able to offer or know what they’re talking about. You will learn what to talk about to different people.