Lessons Learned About a Relationship

One thing, I learned after a break up is to be absolutely sure (in the future) that I am certain, 100%, wanted to be in a relationship with the person and that there is no”luke warm” feelings or thought such as I like him, but… or sure, why not.. sort of thought when considering dating someone.

The Lord taught me as well that the person who read and follow God’s word, has similar values that come from God, is more likely to treat the girl/guy they are dating in a manner that God directs and desires. For me, I had like to be friend with a person before I want to be in a relationship with him because friendship last longer and getting to know the person as a friend first is important.

I also learned to wait for the physical contact until wayyy later in the relationship. Instead spend time talking to the person and getting to know him/her. Of course, this should come naturally because you have an interest in the person. The conversation shouldn’t feel force, but flows naturally when talking to someone you like to know more. The conversation should feel enjoyable and the longer the relationship, the different topic of conversations should will “pop up,” allowing you to see different sides of the person, getting to know more of who they are. As long as you want to be around the person and wanted to know about him/her then that is a good indication that you like someone. Think about the subject you like to learn, you tend to do well in it, so anything you like, you tend to be good at, because you enjoy doing and doesn’t feel like a chore. If you can talk to the person and that person is your best friend, then the relationship should be stronger. The main focus for a relationship is the communication, small, big, deep talk, any sort of talk, honesty talk, the list goes on. The physical side of a relationship may not be as important as the communication in the beginning of a relationship. However, you may ask, how will I know if I have chemistry with the person? The answer to this question is that you’ll just feel it. You will sometimes feel like hugging or kissing the person, but from my experience (however this is totally up to you) waiting for this physical side of thing is better and should be determine wayyyyyy later I the relationship. And by wayyyyy later has no particular timeline, you will know when you feel ready and that your relationship feel solid and you feel like you learn so much about the person and that you’re both truly ready for the next step. Also, treat physical intimacy (that is not sex because sex is a gift from God and should be waited until marriage) with cautious because the Lord mention about purity and lust in the Bible. It will be alarming when both parties feel the void in the relationship with physical contact because the communication isn’t as strong. The physical intimacy will arrive when both want to validate that our communication is strong. If I have to set a timeline, and if I were to date someone in the future, I would spend as much time talking to the person in public, with a group of friends, etc. I wouldn’t bring him to talk at my place. I would meet him in public where it is easier to talk more and to get to know the person. There are so many locations to talk: the park, a coffee shop, literally could be anywhere. Also, do different activity together to find out more about him/her such as go on a hike, play bowling, watch movie at a movie theater, volunteer/community service etc.

I also, will not control and be pushy about the relationship, I would not expect or rush anything, but simply spend time and getting to know the person. I would absolutely not expect because if I were to expect something and my expectations weren’t met then I set myself up for disappointments. I simply will evaluate the person according who he is and I will be mindful that the beginning phrase of a relationship is the trickiest part. The beginning of a relationship is the impress-the-person phrase, what’s valuable and weights more is the later part of the relationship when the beginning phrase has passed. Caring for someone and him/her caring for you in a relationship in a later term should indicate how the person will treat you if he/she were to marry you in the future.

Another advice I learned is that the relationship itself will not be able to full-fill me in the way that only my Creator can. If both parties love God and seek Him, it is a better indication that both parties will love each other more purely because both love God.

Now that I am typing about relationship and dating, I knew that right now I don’t think I had like to date anyone anytime soon, because I had like to work and be happy (be closer to God and seek his fulfillment) and another is that being in a relationship requires maturity, selflessness, and commitment. It is work that shouldn’t feel like work when you truly enjoy the person.

The reason why I ended my first 3 months relationship is because I am simply not ready to be in a relationship. This relationship tired and worries me more than had helped me academically and mentally. I simply know that this relationship is not right for me in a sense that I am not secure about the relationship. In another word, my first relationship is not solid and requires work and attention from both parties. It is also important that a relationship I am in be a God-centered one, a relationship that will help me grow closer to the Lord, not farther away. A relationship should make you be a better person, introduce you to new things, feel fun, exciting, caring, and nurturing. A relationship should not bring you down, makes you worry about nonsense and makes you feel crazy. A healthy relationship should makes you healthier.

If I can sum up the advice I give to you and especially to myself about dating is 1. to date someone when I am absolutely, 100% want to date the person, 2. do not force a person to do anything, 3. wait for physical intimacy, 4. get to know the person as a friend first, 5. evaluate the relationship whether it makes me feel closer to God, and 6. do I like the person, wanting to know more about him, therefore, date him.

 

Down..down

It is easy once you’re feeling down to keep digging down. Down, down, dow..n.

It is so easy to just keep going down. And because it is easy that’s why it keeps on going. Don’t we just like thing is be easy, simple. Yes, most of the time we do.

That’s why when disappointment sets in, it is harder to be optimistic, in my case. People deal with disappointment differently. Some will relied on loved one, exercise, food, alcohols, drugs, sex, etc. Anything that would ease the pain, temporarily.

What makes human, human is that we are sensitive. We are raised to be sensitive. I don’t know how life is going to be from now. I woke up, eat, do some work, shower, read a little, then sleep again. The cycle repeats.

Disappointed–Type

When you feel disappointed, well type.

I just went through a breakup. I missed a lab final that made my A turns into a B. I am about to take finals that I haven’t really studied. I am hungry and had to wait 3 more hours to eat. I am unorganized and spoiled.

I don’t know what to say except that disappointment keep me grounded. It made me feel small and un-prideful. I made me reached out to people for help. It made me feel that some people will offer to help and that they care, when they really don’t have to.

It gave me a better perspective that life keeps on going even though, I am disappointed. It made me think of a much harder hardship. There is someone today who just lost a loved one. There is someone today who feel as if they cannot see the light and waiting to see the light. There is someone today who just not feeling well and is about to left this world.

What I am going through is an event that happened to occur. It is okay.

Relationship

Done For Me – Charlie Puth

Well, relationship is crazy when you make it. Hey, honestly, I learned and it is okay. At least I learned a lot about myself. I do. I learned about how selfish I am when it comes to having a relationship with someone. I also learned that I am needy and have high expectation. But then, from now on I am not going to dwell. It is the feeling I have when I ran a mile. I wanted to complete the task I set my mind to, but it was so hard and I am weak. I tried and it is painful to keep going, but I know that I wanted to keep going.

Now this guy, I know I like him and being the selfish person that I am. I expected his love as well. I don’t know how this is going still, but I know that I am going to learn how to love someone this time. I am going to. I will try my best.

I will be strong-er. If there is not something I learned from this relationship, well, then there is no point. At the very least, I ought to be strong, to stand on my two feet. God would like for me to be strong as well. There is no point to being sad and perhaps this is what college are suppose to teach me. The experiences. There is no point in worrying if there is someone else out there or not. Make today the best you can. You don’t hav to focus too much on the future, just make today the best that you can.

Get rid of all the expectations. Do the best you can. Be the better version of yourself. Learn from the mistakes, but not dwell on it.

Also, unlike your parents’ love, which has already been given and even bigger is God’s love. Relationship that I am going to have with someone right now, I am NOT going to expect unless I have done all I could.

My Daily Devotion

My Today’s Daily Devotion contains a great and thought provoking message for us/me to be our our authentic self. It gave an example of how God doesn’t look at us in the mirror and wish that he sees someone else. This is powerful. We/I ought to be pursuing God in order for us to be transform by Him because He progressively helps us be the best version of ourselves, someone who we ought to be and  perhaps are already are, just not realized it. We may hinder ourselves from being someone God knows is true and genuine. He calls us to be someone He knows we are.

Today, as I played badminton, there are things I regretted and wish I had done differently. However, I cannot dwelled on the thing regretted because that is leading to negative thought.

Next time, I would definitely be competitive and encouraging. I will be more kind and have compassion. But when it’s game time, I ought to do my best, to set my mind not on beating the other person to pieces, but to play fair and kind. Winning has different form. I can win a game and feel really good about the game or win a game, but not as good. This is where mindset comes in and in any sports, it is a mind game.

How do some players manages to win more than lost. Wow, practice, of course, because practice provide the player sense of confidence. “I have worked really hard and I ought to show what I have been doing all these time to prepare for this match.”

Relating back to the MCAT, practicing it will provide the confidence for the test.

We perform our best when we believe we can accomplish the task–when we believe in ourselves. Sometimes, having someone believing in us contributed to some, however, definitely not all. We just ought to be the one to believe, we can do it.

Well, how to gain it, practice. Seek. Not be lazy. Be kind. Be humble. and have humility.

Today was fun

So, I went to workout today and it was nice. It is good to workout once in awhile because honestly, our body needs it. Even though, I bike to classes, this type of exercise is not intended nor on an interval, which is why intentional workout should be added in routine. The sweat and the feelings while exercising and after exercising is rewarding and I feel good that I had made a decision to excercise. My main purpose for working out  is to get my body energize and my heart pumping, for my system to feel alert and alive, for it to be awake and not lethargic. I did core, sit-up, plank, and some other exercise I do not the name. I mainly workout with my body and I typically don’t use the machine. The only type of exercising machine I used today was the stair ones, which move on an interval. It works similar to an escalator, and I workout by walking up the elevator or in this case the stairs. Working on this machine targeted my calves muscles and my thighs, which I had like for this part of my body to be firm and lean. My motive for working out is to burn fat and calories, as  well as to be leaner and fit. I had like to move easily and gain the agility to stay healthy and feel good about life and my body. I ran for quite sometimes, I did not over exhausted my running because today is my first day and ideally, I had like to keep this up by coming to the gym regularly. I had like my exercise to be fun and not seem like chore or something I had to do because then I will not be likely to come back. I had like to be more punctual, which if I have to be honest, I typically don’t come to the gym regularly. I maintain my weigh by eating nondairy or non-meat, except I do eat seafoods and eggs.

I am not fat or muscular. I am fine, but if I workout more often then I am certain that my stomach would be more lean and tight, which I liked 🙂

Anyway, I also played badminton today at the badminton’s club in the gym, which was fun. I met new people and some I have already seen. One new person I met was named Bryan. I learned that his parents are from Mexico. I guessed he was perhaps Arabic or Indian Asians, however, I was incorrect. He mentioned that the badminton’s club mainly consist of Asians and there is perhaps one white person and I thought that was funny. I didn’t view it in that that way, but now that he mentioned it, it was certainly true.

Anyway, I think Bryan was trying to get to know me better by mentioning if there is any film I had like to see, which I told him honestly that I barely know what’s on air. Plus, I already have a bf. Therefore, it wouldn’t be fair for my bf or for me to proceed.

I am glad that I am reminded to blog again. Blogging certainly is good for my brain and emotion, since this allows me to reflect on thing I enjoyed about my day. For me, this blog acts as my diary. I type a story about my day, what happened and I highly think that this will lead to the appreciation of life, making a better choice and decision, as well as happiness.

It has been awhile…

Honestly, it has been awhile since I write a blog. Many thing obviously had been going on, but perhaps not as significant or trigering enough for me to capture it. Perhaps, it was just me not realizing the hobby that is beautiful and important. By expressing my thought, the process is significant and reflect many characters. Anyway, writing is certainly a way to reflect and relieve, the inner thought and the piece of mind. The beauty of our mind, how it thinks, and act. I know for sure that sometimes, I am not sure why my mind think or assume a certain way. Honestly, I have no idea why I thinks the way I thinks. Perhaps it is rooted in the childhood of how one’s experience shapes the inner thoughts, decisions and processes.

Anyway, today, something significant had happened. Well, a guy said that he thinks I am cute, which is certainly interesting. Honestly, it is certainly intriguing of why we choose to like what we like.

With S., I am not sure to which extent I like him and honestly, I don’t know if the relationship will last. I am not sure if I had find the right one, how am I suppose to know. One minutes, one second, with a blink of an eye? I have been with him for 3 months, well, long enough, however, also not long enough. I like being with him, I do, however, when he came over, I have to confess, I cannot sleep well, which reflects that I am not yet myself, somehow. I don’t know, someone had told me that you know you found the right person when you can fart around them and be your complete self. I am not sure if I can be such with him.

Sometimes, I wonder if the differences in culture, faith, and other factors contributed to my not being able to feel as connected with S. But, I do like him, but to which extent and how do I know for sure. Time? I don’t know if this will last. I am not certain, even though, I wanted to know, however, it is not in my vision, but of God’s. There are things I like about S. and there are also things I am unsure of.

He seems to like me though, however, I am not sure if his maturity and sense matches mine. Perhaps, it doesn’t have to be, I just have to like the other person a whole lot, which I am not sure, if I had ever like anyone a whole lot in the past. I know I like my sister, my mom, and dad, which is mostly normal.

Will I ever going to like someone so much that I can give them anything? Sometimes, I don’t know if I am simply selfish or what, or perhaps I just haven’t found the right person, and why am I doubting myself, my feelings?

I am not sure. Our thoughts are complicated, certainly mine.

One thing for sure is, who will I…. that’s certainly too early to think, perhaps because I am on my period and my hormones are disintegrated, which should all be blamed towards.

Anyway, I cooked today and it was fun. It is relaxing and certainly made me proud.

One thing for sure is that I must look and find my satisfaction in the Word of God and not of man. Since, I have a bf, sometimes, it led me astray in term of where I find my satisfaction. I do not want that to happened because man cannot full-filled me, but only my God cans. He is my fountain. It is important that I seek God above all things, because through Him, all things and everything will be provide.

Okay, so Pradip came into my thought. Now this person named Pradip, certainly interested me. He is an interning guy, especially the way he thinks, interprets, and concludes. I have never met anyone who thinks and analyzes somethings like Pradip. Now this guy is so nice that he sent scholarship information to me. How cool is Pradip. I appreciate him and he is on my mind. Now, this makes me think that I would choose to date or marry someone not because of look or fortune, but of who they are and the quality they possess.

S. is patience with me and simply allow me to do things, he does not criticized me.

This made me question of what do I look for in a guy, this experience taught me something I wouldn’t have known otherwise. It is hard to pinpoint what I look for in a guy, however, I know that I must thrust in the Lord more because if I were to relied on my own thing, I would gone astray close to insanity, but if I were to relied on the Word of God then it is excellency.

I think the reason why I have to see S. to be fulfilled is because he doesn’t satisfy me all throughout, which I am not sure why, but certainly makes sense biblically. However, whenever I am with my parents, I am very much so happy, content, and comfortable.

I am getting very sleepy. I haven’t wash my dishes or shower, and I have to wake up to do my work tomorrow. Goodnight, it has been great to be reminded to write a blog.