(Meal Plan) for the fall semester

For breakfast:

  1. 3 soft boiled eggs with 2 toasts
  2. smoothies
  3. oat meal and smoothies
  4. bananas

For snacks:

  1. mixed nuts
  2. dates
  3. banana

For lunch: (In case of emergency)

  1. Veggies/black-bean burger = $4.00
  2. Tuna sanwich = $3.39
  3. fresh plates (lunch and dinner) = $8.27
  4. veggies bowl at the SUB =

For lunch: (home-made)

  1. salads
  2. guacamole with chips and salsas
  3. spagetti
  4. pad thai?
  5. omelet with rice and ketchup
  6. veggies bowl
  7. fried rice
  8. veggies burger
  9. tuna sandwich

For dinner: (home-made)

  1. guacamole chips and salsa
  2. veggies burger
  3. lots of fruits
  4. fish with Spanish rice
  5. fried eggs with rice
  6. salads

For dinner: (outside)

  1. Panda Express = $ plus tax
  2. Chipotle = $6.50 plus tax
  3. Fresh Plate = $8.27 plus tax
  4. (Tuesday) Rosa’s Café – Taco Tuesday = $

For lunch: (after church)

  1. Cracker Barrels = $ 8.69 (Plate) $11.57 (3 fishes)
  2. Jason’s Deli
  3. Thai Kitchen
  4. Pei Wei

 

Tired

I am so tired. It is more like a disappointing sort of tired. When you hope for something and you didn’t really get it. Or perhaps I forgot that God is in control always. I genuinely lost track of thing. I didn’t pray as much or do bible studies as much and I honestly don’t think that I am going last without God’s help and mercy.

I am messed up times and times again. I am prideful as well as selfish. It is  disappointing and I am not sure if adulating is the right word. I simply wanted to be such and such, but it seems almost hopeless for me at time. Whenever I get bad grade mostly. It is tiring and simply sad. I am not sure how to get out of this. Should I keep on going like this or should I adjust and change strategies. I am not sure.

Please God help me to accomplish my task at hands. I am hopeless and really need help. Oh God please help me to be the person I ought to be for you. Help me to form a good relationship with others and to treat and see other as how I want to be treated and to love them.

 

 

Missing

It was a 3 months time together. It was not that long, at all. Other couples were together for 6 months and this couples (my roommate) already forgotten her boyfriend in 3 weeks. Wow to that. I am still sort of thinking about mine. I am not sure why. I just am. Well, it will be better eventually, meaning I wont think about it and that little things wouldn’t remind anything. Today, I went to saw the incredible 2 and a scene in the movie reminded me of the 3 months and at the end of the movie, it has the name of the 3 months. Wow, how cool. What a coincidence. Honestly, I know time will eventually help. It didn’t help when I found out I got a bad grade on my midterm. I am bummed really bummed…

Anyway, it is interesting how I am still thinking about the 3 months. It was not at all that long. But it did made me learned lessons and made me happy as well as anxious. I have problem with commitment. It feels sort of helpless and restricted, which I don’t like. I absolutely don’t like having to depend on something. More importantly being vulnerable and getting hurt. I think it partially have to do with my pride and childhood. My childhood isn’t like crazy or scary. My parents didn’t get a divorce and I was not living with a nanny. It just that I don’t like when my parents (mostly my dad) left me to go somewhere (I think he went to his friend’s house). It felt like it at the time, to be left. I am stubborn as well. I was angry and hurt. I think at that moment, I lost my trust in him. I have my walls up. I simply was not secure, so decided that I don’t need him. I worry and wanted things my way. I have my pride as well in order to protect against being hurt. Therefore, when it comes to having a relationship, it will takes me awhile to let loose. I may seem like I am having a good time, but it will takes time for me to trust anyone. It wont be easy. I am not easy. Therefore, they need to be my friend first and know my flaws. I have many. God knows. He knows my wall, my pride and my self-centeredness. I built them for my own protection. Some may asked, just reduce the wall, just let loose. Well, I am not sure exactly about the process.

There is a self-fullfilling prophecy, which is when a person become or live-up to what they believe about themselves because someone expected them to be a certain way or they believe it themselves.

Anyway, I should not dwell on the 3 months. I have high expectation. It is somewhat true that a girl look for someone to be like their dad. I think it is somewhat true in my case. My dad is considerate. He helps me and see the little things to help me. It doesn’t have to be big. He doesn’t buy me expensive stuff, but he would cook and help me carry stuff. I feel care for by my dad, so the potential person, at least must have this attribute. I have my standard and I think it is better to find that person and if not somewhat then perhaps it is better off to simply be by myself. The relationship should enhance both of our lives. Anyway, I am not sure why I am still thinking about this person. At least I know that I can like someone 🙂 I want someone who loves God.

Anyway, writing about this helps in a sense that I bringing out what I am feeling… Human feelings are honest. It is true and I shouldn’t feel like it is embarrassing or prideful enough to discuss the weaker side of things.

Lonliness

Oh, boy. Who ever thought, I had felt bored and perhaps lonely. It is not that I thought of myself as indivisible, but honestly, I don’t feel lonely, until perhaps now. I think it is good that I feel this way because when people told me, “But wont’t you be lonely?” I quickly responded to them, “No! But I can see why you would say that.” This made me realize that people do feel lonesome at times, especially in college. I honestly, do not typically feel lonely because I occupy myself with stuff I needed to do. Well, I don’t know, now, I didn’t occupy myself, so I am experiencing something quite not fun here, loneliness perhaps boredom that could quite turn into loneliness easily. I used to be really comfortable with quietness, the quieter, the better. I am typically very much so happy being by myself. Now, I wanted to go back to that phrase of being able to again enjoying my own company.

It is sad that I am feeling this way, it is truly is. I am not sure if God has place me into this position in order for me to learn something, otherwise wouldn’t. I am not sure why I am feeling this way. I have the MCAT that needed to be studied. I am taking a class in biomedical ethics that can always be learned ahead. I also can organize my room. Additionally,  I can also review old materials for the MCAT and even learned organic chemistry that I will take this fall. I can name many things that can be completed, however, where is my heart at?

Perhaps this is a side effect of a break up. I read in an article that after a break up girl will typically cry like crazy, while the guy seem to be okay initially, however, not in the long term like a month or two months later. Honestly, I think that I am a guy in this situation. I was feeling totally okay right after the break up because I feel like it was meant to be. However, I think I am feeling the side effect now, the lonesomeness. 😭😭. Anyway, the not so intelligent thing to do is to jump right into another relationship. Actually, I don’t want to restrict myself, but honestly, it would be wiser to not be in a relationship in college, in my case. I don’t need this, not now at the very least because there are goals that is ahead.

Dear God, I am not sure why I am feeling this way. I feel alone for the very first time. Perhaps, it is the side effect of my break up. It is sad. It is truly is, but I think you has place this in my life a reason and that I should rejoice. There is a verse in the Bible that mention to rejoice and give thanks even in the mist of suffering. And I knew that I am feeling something because there is a knot in my stomach. I am simply sad and I admitted it. I know there is a reason I am feeling this way, otherwise, I may not have learned what it is like to feel lonely. It kept me grounded and humbled, which is something I have been prayed for. Oh God, you’re greater than anything I could ever face in life. You are my God, my Rock, and I need as well as follow you.

God Never Fails

You have no idea that I was disappointed when I found out that I had missed a chemistry lab final that I had a 94 in the class, but since I had missed the lab final and if I couldn’t take it then I would end up with a C in the class, which is not a failing grade, however, since I had an A (before the final), it would be disappointed because I tried to get good grade in the lab.

With the hope to improve the situation, I went to the professor’s office, however, she wasn’t there at the time, so I simply waited on her at a chemistry tutoring room next door to her office. It wasn’t long until I saw her in the hallway. She seemed to be in a rush, which I didn’t knew at the time I approached her that she was on her way to the bathroom before I stopped her to discuss my situation. She quickly told me to email her with my student ID and my chemistry lab section number in order for her to open to lab final for me to complete. However, she also told me that whatever I’lll make on the lab final will be 50% off of what I get, which means that even if I scored a 100 (which is not simply to score) that I will instead get a 50. This condition is the consequence of having not taken the final on time. This made me sad and disappointed, because I had a 94 in the lab, which means that I could potentially ended up in the class with an A, however, even if I scored a 100 on the final it will scored as 50 in the grade book, which means I will get a B in the lab.

I was sad and was a tiny bit annoyed at myself for having missed the final, however, I told myself that it is okay because no matter what God got me and He has a plan. That whatever I am going through, it will work out. Even though, I messed up, but my God is greater, bigger, better, and stronger than anything I am going through. And that it will work out at the end because He is God.

So, I decided to emailed Dr. T. my ID and lab section with an added description about 3 paragraphs long of why I care and if she would be willing to help me and not take 50% off of the grade that I will make on the final.

I received her email later in the day that only said “the final has been reopen for you and that you have until 9 p.m. tonight to submit it.” I was sort of expressionless because I had hoped that she would mentioned something along the line of “I will consider.”  She told me that she had sent 2 emails, which I did opened, but did not read throughly. Notice the underlined word, “NO EXCEPTIONS.”

Screen Shot 2018-05-13 at 1.42.58 PM

Anyway, I went ahead and took the final (which is online, but it is not easy) with a help of a friend I had never met, except through a group me, which is an app where students help other students with reminders, group study, reviews, etc. Dylan, a guy whom I texted to help me with the final replied saying that he could help me. I was so thankful and most of all to my God.  So, Dylan whom scored 92 himself and helped 2 other people scored an 88 was being so kind to help me.

So, after I finished taking my final with Dylan. I thanked him from the bottom of my heart, saying how much I truly appreciate his help. He replied saying that he wasn’t that much of an effort, but ohh.. trust me, I am so thrilled. This made me realized that he is really kind.

After we departed, I went to have dinner with a friend, workout afterward, and my day pretty much ended.

Last night, my prayers were also for the chemistry lab grade that hopefully I could get an A, however, I also added that God knows.

Until today, as I am typing, I went on blackboard, which is a site where my grades are posted and I saw …Screen Shot 2018-05-13 at 1.38.00 PM

I was so thrilled that a 94 had gone down 2 points to a 92, which may or may not be rounded to a 93, but it hardly matters because 90-100 is an A! I realized that Dr. T did not take off 50% of the final grade that I made! Which is a miracle that only God can performed and provided! Throughout my walk with Him, God has continuously shown himself to me in a way that I knew were from Him. God is so good and is always there for me that no matter the result, I know that He is God, who truly got me and even if I got a B in the course, I remembered thinking this to myself that even if I got a B in the lab that God has a plan, and He knows best.

This particular event reminded me of a story of Peter (if I had remembered the story correctly) when Jesus made him walked on water, but then Peter started to have doubts, which made him fallen and about to drown. At that moment, God is working with Peter, performing a miracle with Him, but Peter lost sight and started doubting God, so as a result he drowned. The story goes something along this line if I had remembered it correctly. But the point of referring to this story is a reminder to myself to trust in God, which means to realized that He knows. God is omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent (all knowing, always there, and all powerful). And to be humble that it is not me, but because of Him, of His grace, His wisdom, His power, and His love. 

This event happened and all I want is to praise God, to give Him the Glory for He is good, merciful, and just. I am so thankful to Him, so thankful. Praise be to God.

Lessons Learned About a Relationship

One thing, I learned after a break up is to be absolutely sure (in the future) that I am certain, 100%, wanted to be in a relationship with the person and that there is no”luke warm” feelings or thought such as I like him, but… or sure, why not.. sort of thought when considering dating someone.

The Lord taught me as well that the person who read and follow God’s word, has similar values that come from God, is more likely to treat the girl/guy they are dating in a manner that God directs and desires. For me, I had like to be friend with a person before I want to be in a relationship with him because friendship last longer and getting to know the person as a friend first is important.

I also learned to wait for the physical contact until wayyy later in the relationship. Instead spend time talking to the person and getting to know him/her. Of course, this should come naturally because you have an interest in the person. The conversation shouldn’t feel force, but flows naturally when talking to someone you like to know more. The conversation should feel enjoyable and the longer the relationship, the different topic of conversations should will “pop up,” allowing you to see different sides of the person, getting to know more of who they are. As long as you want to be around the person and wanted to know about him/her then that is a good indication that you like someone. Think about the subject you like to learn, you tend to do well in it, so anything you like, you tend to be good at, because you enjoy doing and doesn’t feel like a chore. If you can talk to the person and that person is your best friend, then the relationship should be stronger. The main focus for a relationship is the communication, small, big, deep talk, any sort of talk, honesty talk, the list goes on. The physical side of a relationship may not be as important as the communication in the beginning of a relationship. However, you may ask, how will I know if I have chemistry with the person? The answer to this question is that you’ll just feel it. You will sometimes feel like hugging or kissing the person, but from my experience (however this is totally up to you) waiting for this physical side of thing is better and should be determine wayyyyyy later I the relationship. And by wayyyyy later has no particular timeline, you will know when you feel ready and that your relationship feel solid and you feel like you learn so much about the person and that you’re both truly ready for the next step. Also, treat physical intimacy (that is not sex because sex is a gift from God and should be waited until marriage) with cautious because the Lord mention about purity and lust in the Bible. It will be alarming when both parties feel the void in the relationship with physical contact because the communication isn’t as strong. The physical intimacy will arrive when both want to validate that our communication is strong. If I have to set a timeline, and if I were to date someone in the future, I would spend as much time talking to the person in public, with a group of friends, etc. I wouldn’t bring him to talk at my place. I would meet him in public where it is easier to talk more and to get to know the person. There are so many locations to talk: the park, a coffee shop, literally could be anywhere. Also, do different activity together to find out more about him/her such as go on a hike, play bowling, watch movie at a movie theater, volunteer/community service etc.

I also, will not control and be pushy about the relationship, I would not expect or rush anything, but simply spend time and getting to know the person. I would absolutely not expect because if I were to expect something and my expectations weren’t met then I set myself up for disappointments. I simply will evaluate the person according who he is and I will be mindful that the beginning phrase of a relationship is the trickiest part. The beginning of a relationship is the impress-the-person phrase, what’s valuable and weights more is the later part of the relationship when the beginning phrase has passed. Caring for someone and him/her caring for you in a relationship in a later term should indicate how the person will treat you if he/she were to marry you in the future.

Another advice I learned is that the relationship itself will not be able to full-fill me in the way that only my Creator can. If both parties love God and seek Him, it is a better indication that both parties will love each other more purely because both love God.

Now that I am typing about relationship and dating, I knew that right now I don’t think I had like to date anyone anytime soon, because I had like to work and be happy (be closer to God and seek his fulfillment) and another is that being in a relationship requires maturity, selflessness, and commitment. It is work that shouldn’t feel like work when you truly enjoy the person.

The reason why I ended my first 3 months relationship is because I am simply not ready to be in a relationship. This relationship tired and worries me more than had helped me academically and mentally. I simply know that this relationship is not right for me in a sense that I am not secure about the relationship. In another word, my first relationship is not solid and requires work and attention from both parties. It is also important that a relationship I am in be a God-centered one, a relationship that will help me grow closer to the Lord, not farther away. A relationship should make you be a better person, introduce you to new things, feel fun, exciting, caring, and nurturing. A relationship should not bring you down, makes you worry about nonsense and makes you feel crazy. A healthy relationship should makes you healthier.

If I can sum up the advice I give to you and especially to myself about dating is 1. to date someone when I am absolutely, 100% want to date the person, 2. do not force a person to do anything, 3. wait for physical intimacy, 4. get to know the person as a friend first, 5. evaluate the relationship whether it makes me feel closer to God, and 6. do I like the person, wanting to know more about him, therefore, date him.

 

When I am bad at keeping in touch

I have to say that I am not the best at keeping in touch. I am not sure if I am just unconsidered, not thoughtful, or plainly selfish when I come to contacting people whom are close to me,  my family for instance.

I am in college currently and I am taking 17 hours this semester in order to graduate by 2020. It can be challenging when most of the time, I have to admit that school consumed the majority of my thought and energy from the moment I wake up at around 6 am to 8 pm at night. My family, I don’t think they understand that I have classes and having to complete homework. I don’t think they had understand because I am the first in my family to go to college.

My dad would often mentioned that I should call him, but right now, I am not sure why FaceTime isn’t working for me and him. He had answered my call and then it would automatically disconnect after 5 seconds later. You may asked why not just call him, well I could, but I am on a pay-as-you-go phone plan, which is definitely not the best option.

Oh, well, I truly hope they had understand me. I know that they will, but I still can’t help but to express concern about the topic because I did not want them to feel that I don’t care about them. I am at fault and if they are not okay with me, I would have to realize the consequences. I simply have many things going on with the addition of my being unconsidered at keeping in touch.

I am recently dating a guy. This may have contributed to about 5% of me not calling my family.

My being bad at keeping in touch with my family made me realized that I am, indeed, selfish and unconsidered. However, my behavior made wonder about my dating relationship as well because if I couldn’t keep in touch with my family then how am I going to keep in touch with others outside my fam.

I don’t know.

My friend wanted to room with me next semester. However, I think I preferred having no roommate. Why? Well, I like doing my thing, placing stuff where I want, cook smelly, delicious Thai food, listening to my musics without my headphones, and many other things. I will let her know about my honest decision. However, God knows the condition that serves me best whether or not He views having a roommate would be best for me.

I have a physics test tomorrow  morning at 8 am. I studied with my friend, Dylan last night. However, I definitely need to look over the test questions one more time myself and make a notecard. Man, I thank God for my friend, Dylan. This guy is the best teacher I have ever met and super helpful. I have no idea I would met a person like Dylan, an awesome teacher and friend.

I just got a text from him and we are going to study together, which is super duper awesome because I had just finish eating and I was feeling really sleepy and it is close to my bed time. I have hard time staying up once I felt sleepy. But since, I will be studying with my friend, it will definitely help keep me awake to study. I am so excited!

Thank you Jesus for bring kind people into my life. I owe my life to Him, to be under his care, guidance, and vision. Jesus is my rock.