Lessons Learned About a Relationship

One thing, I learned after a break up is to be absolutely sure (in the future) that I am certain, 100%, wanted to be in a relationship with the person and that there is no”luke warm” feelings or thought such as I like him, but… or sure, why not.. sort of thought when considering dating someone.

The Lord taught me as well that the person who read and follow God’s word, has similar values that come from God, is more likely to treat the girl/guy they are dating in a manner that God directs and desires. For me, I had like to be friend with a person before I want to be in a relationship with him because friendship last longer and getting to know the person as a friend first is important.

I also learned to wait for the physical contact until wayyy later in the relationship. Instead spend time talking to the person and getting to know him/her. Of course, this should come naturally because you have an interest in the person. The conversation shouldn’t feel force, but flows naturally when talking to someone you like to know more. The conversation should feel enjoyable and the longer the relationship, the different topic of conversations should will “pop up,” allowing you to see different sides of the person, getting to know more of who they are. As long as you want to be around the person and wanted to know about him/her then that is a good indication that you like someone. Think about the subject you like to learn, you tend to do well in it, so anything you like, you tend to be good at, because you enjoy doing and doesn’t feel like a chore. If you can talk to the person and that person is your best friend, then the relationship should be stronger. The main focus for a relationship is the communication, small, big, deep talk, any sort of talk, honesty talk, the list goes on. The physical side of a relationship may not be as important as the communication in the beginning of a relationship. However, you may ask, how will I know if I have chemistry with the person? The answer to this question is that you’ll just feel it. You will sometimes feel like hugging or kissing the person, but from my experience (however this is totally up to you) waiting for this physical side of thing is better and should be determine wayyyyyy later I the relationship. And by wayyyyy later has no particular timeline, you will know when you feel ready and that your relationship feel solid and you feel like you learn so much about the person and that you’re both truly ready for the next step. Also, treat physical intimacy (that is not sex because sex is a gift from God and should be waited until marriage) with cautious because the Lord mention about purity and lust in the Bible. It will be alarming when both parties feel the void in the relationship with physical contact because the communication isn’t as strong. The physical intimacy will arrive when both want to validate that our communication is strong. If I have to set a timeline, and if I were to date someone in the future, I would spend as much time talking to the person in public, with a group of friends, etc. I wouldn’t bring him to talk at my place. I would meet him in public where it is easier to talk more and to get to know the person. There are so many locations to talk: the park, a coffee shop, literally could be anywhere. Also, do different activity together to find out more about him/her such as go on a hike, play bowling, watch movie at a movie theater, volunteer/community service etc.

I also, will not control and be pushy about the relationship, I would not expect or rush anything, but simply spend time and getting to know the person. I would absolutely not expect because if I were to expect something and my expectations weren’t met then I set myself up for disappointments. I simply will evaluate the person according who he is and I will be mindful that the beginning phrase of a relationship is the trickiest part. The beginning of a relationship is the impress-the-person phrase, what’s valuable and weights more is the later part of the relationship when the beginning phrase has passed. Caring for someone and him/her caring for you in a relationship in a later term should indicate how the person will treat you if he/she were to marry you in the future.

Another advice I learned is that the relationship itself will not be able to full-fill me in the way that only my Creator can. If both parties love God and seek Him, it is a better indication that both parties will love each other more purely because both love God.

Now that I am typing about relationship and dating, I knew that right now I don’t think I had like to date anyone anytime soon, because I had like to work and be happy (be closer to God and seek his fulfillment) and another is that being in a relationship requires maturity, selflessness, and commitment. It is work that shouldn’t feel like work when you truly enjoy the person.

The reason why I ended my first 3 months relationship is because I am simply not ready to be in a relationship. This relationship tired and worries me more than had helped me academically and mentally. I simply know that this relationship is not right for me in a sense that I am not secure about the relationship. In another word, my first relationship is not solid and requires work and attention from both parties. It is also important that a relationship I am in be a God-centered one, a relationship that will help me grow closer to the Lord, not farther away. A relationship should make you be a better person, introduce you to new things, feel fun, exciting, caring, and nurturing. A relationship should not bring you down, makes you worry about nonsense and makes you feel crazy. A healthy relationship should makes you healthier.

If I can sum up the advice I give to you and especially to myself about dating is 1. to date someone when I am absolutely, 100% want to date the person, 2. do not force a person to do anything, 3. wait for physical intimacy, 4. get to know the person as a friend first, 5. evaluate the relationship whether it makes me feel closer to God, and 6. do I like the person, wanting to know more about him, therefore, date him.

 

When you realized your homework isn’t due until Wednesday…

My chemistry online course have 3 homework assignments due 3 times per week, one that is due on Monday morning at 8 am, another on Wednesday morning at 8 am, and the last one on Friday at 8 am, and the cycle repeat the same every week. However, this upcoming week (the week before Spring Break), I realized that I will only have two assignments due on Wednesday and Friday only, instead of the usual three. I have glad, but then I also have physics test on Wednesday that I need to understand.

I am taking 17 credit hours this semester, which is the most hours I have taken in college thus far. It is doable, time management simply have got to be well-organized.

I recently met a guy, which I mentioned in my previous blog. Honestly, it is fun to date. He is my first boyfriend. We have many things in common, which I find that to be quite interesting. We will see how this will go, because this is our only third week dating. We see each other often, 6 out of 7 days a week and we spent about 2+ hours every time we meet. It is fun, but I have to say that my grade definitely has been affected by the occurrence. Why this had happened, I am not sure. I thrust in the Lord, for He is faithful and omniscient. I am not sure what the future holds, however, my God is a great, big God who have the best plan for me, who loves me. I have a great, great God in all my days and nights.

Now, in the beginning when he asked if I would like to go on a date with him. I said “umm… sure,” then the following morning at the church parking lot, I told him inside of his car that I would like to wait. Then the following week, I said “Sure,” that I would be okay to date him. He was happy. I thought I was sure, but I did felt a little nervous to my stomach because there is a part of me that is dealing with the unknown of the future. However, the following day, I met up with my friend and told her about him. She was feeling sketchy about the situation, since we just met. She thought that I was not quite sure what I want and I seemed to be second guessing myself about the dating situation. She also told me not to lead him on. Now, I am not sure why I gave her the impression that I am leading him on. But that certainly made me think whether I want to date S.

Two days later after meeting my friend, I met with another friend from my sorority to talk about dating. I learned many things from her. I learned that it is okay to hold hands and hug. I wanted to make sure that I am obeying God. S. and I laid boundary when we first dated that there should be no kissing until later in the relationship. We both agreed and I was glad he respected the request.

He is a good guy; polite, considered, and responsible. I realized that I liked him. In the beginning, I had no idea why he would want to date me, I questioned him several times, which I was apparently okay with his answers.

In the beginning, I was definitely thought about lowering our dating status to good friend   (after I had already accepted to date him, which I thought about this the next day). I simply gone with it and did not say anything about lowering our status. Part of the reason why I considered lowering our status is because of school and I also wanted to make sure that he truly wanted to date me, for real.

Anyway, so far, I like S. more than the day we first met. I am not sure where this is going, but I know that my God has a good plan. I am also glad that S. believes in Jesus because this factor is definitely important whether or not I would date someone.

So far, dating has been pretty fun. It is definitely a new experience for me and I am still learning. I like to see him and spend time with him. I typically do not spend a lot of time around others. I simply like to just do my thing. I don’t typically like to hangout that much either, but with S., I don’t mind. In fact, I enjoy his company.

Wow, this is certainly fascinating. One thing is that S. is not that complicated. His thinking is pretty much simple. He loves cars and have red hair. He also had his own YouTube channel, which I thought is cool.

Anyway, I am going to end this tonight. It has been fun writing on this page after a while of not posting this blog.

Goodnight and sleep tight. Wake up tomorrow to do your laundry and possibly study and make delicious breakfast!