When I am bad at keeping in touch

I have to say that I am not the best at keeping in touch. I am not sure if I am just unconsidered, not thoughtful, or plainly selfish when I come to contacting people whom are close to me,  my family for instance.

I am in college currently and I am taking 17 hours this semester in order to graduate by 2020. It can be challenging when most of the time, I have to admit that school consumed the majority of my thought and energy from the moment I wake up at around 6 am to 8 pm at night. My family, I don’t think they understand that I have classes and having to complete homework. I don’t think they had understand because I am the first in my family to go to college.

My dad would often mentioned that I should call him, but right now, I am not sure why FaceTime isn’t working for me and him. He had answered my call and then it would automatically disconnect after 5 seconds later. You may asked why not just call him, well I could, but I am on a pay-as-you-go phone plan, which is definitely not the best option.

Oh, well, I truly hope they had understand me. I know that they will, but I still can’t help but to express concern about the topic because I did not want them to feel that I don’t care about them. I am at fault and if they are not okay with me, I would have to realize the consequences. I simply have many things going on with the addition of my being unconsidered at keeping in touch.

I am recently dating a guy. This may have contributed to about 5% of me not calling my family.

My being bad at keeping in touch with my family made me realized that I am, indeed, selfish and unconsidered. However, my behavior made wonder about my dating relationship as well because if I couldn’t keep in touch with my family then how am I going to keep in touch with others outside my fam.

I don’t know.

My friend wanted to room with me next semester. However, I think I preferred having no roommate. Why? Well, I like doing my thing, placing stuff where I want, cook smelly, delicious Thai food, listening to my musics without my headphones, and many other things. I will let her know about my honest decision. However, God knows the condition that serves me best whether or not He views having a roommate would be best for me.

I have a physics test tomorrow  morning at 8 am. I studied with my friend, Dylan last night. However, I definitely need to look over the test questions one more time myself and make a notecard. Man, I thank God for my friend, Dylan. This guy is the best teacher I have ever met and super helpful. I have no idea I would met a person like Dylan, an awesome teacher and friend.

I just got a text from him and we are going to study together, which is super duper awesome because I had just finish eating and I was feeling really sleepy and it is close to my bed time. I have hard time staying up once I felt sleepy. But since, I will be studying with my friend, it will definitely help keep me awake to study. I am so excited!

Thank you Jesus for bring kind people into my life. I owe my life to Him, to be under his care, guidance, and vision. Jesus is my rock.

Skate and Friend are FUN

Since I was young, about 6 or 7 years of age, I remembered enjoying rollerskating around the house. It was fun, fast, and required balance.

Today, I went to skate with my sister, who does not really wanted to skate, but she was willing to along side with me. She knows how much I enjoy skating for fun.

The feeling of moving the legs, the farther the feet push against the ground, the faster I move. The feeling of the air brushing through my face. The tightened of my calves in order to move forward and my arms going back and forth to achieve the desire balance, speed, and position. The experience was grand!

Last time I was skating, I got to meet a group of boys that skated really well! They were smooth, fast, and furious (like the title of a movie, Fast and Furious). They made skating looks easy and appealing. They could skate backward and done interesting tricks. They absolutely love to stop abruptly to startle their friends and also love to play tag, you’re it!

So I got a hold of one of the boys in the group, after realizing that he was not a boy, but a young adult because he was three years older than I was. I asked him if he could teach me how to skate backward. He sort of trying to teach me how to do so, but it was actually a 7 years old boy, who could skate so well, that taught and offered me tricks on how to skate backward. He and his dad participated, but I did not achieve the move fully, but was beginning to learn so. It was a good start to my new skating-moves. I would have to say that I had actually improved my backward skating move today. I was sort of understanding about the move, but what I learned today was not to think too deeply about the motion because it made me moved stiffly, but rather to simply not look at my feet and as Nike says, “Just Do It.” So that was what I did, I just do it and the result was better! If I had a chance to skate again, I definitely wanted to improve my speed; I wanted to skate backward faster, because it is where the fun behold! I also will wear something more comfortable. I was wearing a thermal legging underneath my jeans and it was absolutely not the most comfortable to skate wearing such. I preferred wearing a good knee pads, gym shorts, and sport t-shirt while skating.

One highlight of the day was that I met a little girl named Angel and her mom, who has a nickname called Red. Red told me that she did not like the color red even though, some people called her so. I don’t remember how she acquired the name, Red, but it was certainly an interesting name. Angle, on the other hand, is as sweet and nice as her name suggested. She was friendly and helpful as she was trying to make sure I would not fall, even though, she had fallen more than three times herself, while I only fallen once. Oh, little Angel. She was so talkative and gave my sister and I a group hug before Skate World closes.

Another interesting occasion also happened at Skate World today. Even before the winter break started, I had applied to numerous jobs to work at my hometown. I applied for opening positions at a nearby groceries store, fast food restaurants, and to be a barista. I have not hear back from most of them, but for the ones that I wanted to work for such as a job to be a barista and a bagger at a grocery store, I was rejected on all of the positions at a groceries store and I think that I probably will not be getting a job as a barista either, considering the fact that I will only be working for two weeks if hired. The employers highly do not wanted to train someone who only will be working for two weeks!😆 So I think, this reasons heavily influenced why I was not offered a job 😓.

But guessed what! It is also likely that I will be getting a job soon because I went to Skate World today, not planing on getting a job there, but asked two of the employees who worked there, whether they are hiring tight now and both said, “Yes,” so I called the manager, gave him a genuine smile, and asked if he was hiring and he said the same thing and both employees told me. I told him about the 2 weeks working time frame and he was about to give me the results that other employers had previously told me, but I talked my way through until he told me to meet him tomorrow after 2 in the afternoon, and that’s when I knew, I could be getting a two week winter break job like I had hoped.

The only thing right now that would be holding me back from getting the soon to be, hopefully, funnest job I ever will have is that I might not be able to spend time with my lovely little sister, Gift. I love her so much. She makes me laugh. I can probably say that she is my best friend. I thank God for strengthen our relationship because we are getting closer to each other because of his blessings. Anyway, if I were to get this job, which hopefully will allows for me to skate as I had wanted because it is a job we are talking about here ultimately. The main reason why I was interested in the job primarily was that I could skate more; however, it might be such case. But, yeah, if I were to get this job, it would also mean that I will not spend much time with my sister or my dad. There are something that money cannot buy such as time and love. I will ask for God guidance, but I also feel like I sort of already knew the answer and I think that if I were to ask my dad, he would also tell me that it is okay not to work. My sister, on the opposite end, might supports my decision, but I can also see that she did not really want me to work either because she like having me around. It seems to me, right now, that I might not be able to have this job after all and it is not a guarantee that this job will allows for me to skate more either. I will probably be assisting customers and not skating as I wish. 🤔 So yeah.. too bad so sad, no spending money for this winter break. 😤

Before I went to Skate World, I also met up with my good high school friend, Tooba. We chatted at Starbucks, even though she arrived approximately 40 minutes late for our date. I was sort of a little frustrated at the time and considered leaving as I waited for her. I texted her wanting to say something intended to sound unappreciated about the situation, but I did not, because I thought about Jesus. I knew in my heart that Jesus will wanted me to turn the other cheeks. He reminded me of my own mistakes because I had been late in the past as well. He reminded me that we are not perfect, so when we met I greeted her with a hug. She apologized and I can saw how that she was sorry, so I dismissed the mistake. Tooba handed me a gift that she brought with her to  give to me. I was touched and was so glad that I decided on not leaving because that would affected our friendship and great conversations that we were to have. Before, I met Tooba, I had prayed that the Lord would lead the conversations and that he would allow me to be selfless and to have a nice, intimate conversations, that they would flow well, and the Lord saw that the requests were good, so he granted me a great time with my friend, Tooba amongst the aroma of coffee, people waiting for their drink at Starbucks. We had such a great time that I wanted to hangout some more, but we eventually went home because I did not want the drinks that her brother and my sister had asked us to order before we leave to be melted.

Anyway, today was fun and it is getting late, so I am heading to bed. Goodnight!

I couldn’t believe I am feeling this way

I am not sure why, I am feeling this way. I don’t know it is me or her. Well, right now I only will understand my feelings. I have confessed that since I left home after I came to visit my family for the Thanksgiving break, I missed them so much. When I finally arrived back to my apartment and I felt the emptiness of the place and there was no family, not my sister or my dad. I was upset and even more upset now as I am typing, so I finally moved on quickly, didn’t know how I did it, but I simply moved on and didn’t think much about them.

Since, Thanksgiving day, I didn’t really called them either. I didn’t remember trying to call them as much. I knew that my dad would try to FaceTime me, but I didn’t take the call seriously and I didn’t even try to call back. My sister also tried to call me, but I also simply ignored. I think I am starting to taste the medicine.

To be honest, I have always been not good at keeping in touch with anyone. I simply don’t and I think it’s rooted in my selfishness or whatever they may be.

I think, this is God trying to teach me something. I think he’s trying to teach me to care for others. I know that I am selfish, but I also realized that I am very selfish.

Now, I am starting to feel sort of neglected by my sister whom I have not been thinking much of. I am starting to realized that she did missed me, but I right now I think I am sort of unintentionally pushing her away, pushing my family away and not considered. All those FaceTime called that I missed and did not attempted to call back. I must tell them and addressed it to them, because it is uncaring and selfish. I am not sure how to feel right now. I honesty am don’t know.  I feel awful, and wronged against them.

I have not been good with any of them, uncaringly. I simply do my own thing and did not pay much attention to them.

I think I must try now. I cannot expected a plant to grow beautifully on their own. I must also do the work, such as watering, giving it nutrients, pruning it, loving it, and caring for it.

Jesus please helps me as I will not be able to achieve this on my own. I am selfish, prideful, and uncaring or inconsiderate of others. Please help me see the thing that I have been blind to, please help me open my eyes O, God.

Jesus, I asked of you to help me strengthen my relationship with my family and relatives through your power and love. Please show me how to love them and be selfless when I am with them, O God.

Jesus, please help me, please help me.