When I am bad at keeping in touch

I have to say that I am not the best at keeping in touch. I am not sure if I am just unconsidered, not thoughtful, or plainly selfish when I come to contacting people whom are close to me,  my family for instance.

I am in college currently and I am taking 17 hours this semester in order to graduate by 2020. It can be challenging when most of the time, I have to admit that school consumed the majority of my thought and energy from the moment I wake up at around 6 am to 8 pm at night. My family, I don’t think they understand that I have classes and having to complete homework. I don’t think they had understand because I am the first in my family to go to college.

My dad would often mentioned that I should call him, but right now, I am not sure why FaceTime isn’t working for me and him. He had answered my call and then it would automatically disconnect after 5 seconds later. You may asked why not just call him, well I could, but I am on a pay-as-you-go phone plan, which is definitely not the best option.

Oh, well, I truly hope they had understand me. I know that they will, but I still can’t help but to express concern about the topic because I did not want them to feel that I don’t care about them. I am at fault and if they are not okay with me, I would have to realize the consequences. I simply have many things going on with the addition of my being unconsidered at keeping in touch.

I am recently dating a guy. This may have contributed to about 5% of me not calling my family.

My being bad at keeping in touch with my family made me realized that I am, indeed, selfish and unconsidered. However, my behavior made wonder about my dating relationship as well because if I couldn’t keep in touch with my family then how am I going to keep in touch with others outside my fam.

I don’t know.

My friend wanted to room with me next semester. However, I think I preferred having no roommate. Why? Well, I like doing my thing, placing stuff where I want, cook smelly, delicious Thai food, listening to my musics without my headphones, and many other things. I will let her know about my honest decision. However, God knows the condition that serves me best whether or not He views having a roommate would be best for me.

I have a physics test tomorrow  morning at 8 am. I studied with my friend, Dylan last night. However, I definitely need to look over the test questions one more time myself and make a notecard. Man, I thank God for my friend, Dylan. This guy is the best teacher I have ever met and super helpful. I have no idea I would met a person like Dylan, an awesome teacher and friend.

I just got a text from him and we are going to study together, which is super duper awesome because I had just finish eating and I was feeling really sleepy and it is close to my bed time. I have hard time staying up once I felt sleepy. But since, I will be studying with my friend, it will definitely help keep me awake to study. I am so excited!

Thank you Jesus for bring kind people into my life. I owe my life to Him, to be under his care, guidance, and vision. Jesus is my rock.

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When you realized your homework isn’t due until Wednesday…

My chemistry online course have 3 homework assignments due 3 times per week, one that is due on Monday morning at 8 am, another on Wednesday morning at 8 am, and the last one on Friday at 8 am, and the cycle repeat the same every week. However, this upcoming week (the week before Spring Break), I realized that I will only have two assignments due on Wednesday and Friday only, instead of the usual three. I have glad, but then I also have physics test on Wednesday that I need to understand.

I am taking 17 credit hours this semester, which is the most hours I have taken in college thus far. It is doable, time management simply have got to be well-organized.

I recently met a guy, which I mentioned in my previous blog. Honestly, it is fun to date. He is my first boyfriend. We have many things in common, which I find that to be quite interesting. We will see how this will go, because this is our only third week dating. We see each other often, 6 out of 7 days a week and we spent about 2+ hours every time we meet. It is fun, but I have to say that my grade definitely has been affected by the occurrence. Why this had happened, I am not sure. I thrust in the Lord, for He is faithful and omniscient. I am not sure what the future holds, however, my God is a great, big God who have the best plan for me, who loves me. I have a great, great God in all my days and nights.

Now, in the beginning when he asked if I would like to go on a date with him. I said “umm… sure,” then the following morning at the church parking lot, I told him inside of his car that I would like to wait. Then the following week, I said “Sure,” that I would be okay to date him. He was happy. I thought I was sure, but I did felt a little nervous to my stomach because there is a part of me that is dealing with the unknown of the future. However, the following day, I met up with my friend and told her about him. She was feeling sketchy about the situation, since we just met. She thought that I was not quite sure what I want and I seemed to be second guessing myself about the dating situation. She also told me not to lead him on. Now, I am not sure why I gave her the impression that I am leading him on. But that certainly made me think whether I want to date S.

Two days later after meeting my friend, I met with another friend from my sorority to talk about dating. I learned many things from her. I learned that it is okay to hold hands and hug. I wanted to make sure that I am obeying God. S. and I laid boundary when we first dated that there should be no kissing until later in the relationship. We both agreed and I was glad he respected the request.

He is a good guy; polite, considered, and responsible. I realized that I liked him. In the beginning, I had no idea why he would want to date me, I questioned him several times, which I was apparently okay with his answers.

In the beginning, I was definitely thought about lowering our dating status to good friend   (after I had already accepted to date him, which I thought about this the next day). I simply gone with it and did not say anything about lowering our status. Part of the reason why I considered lowering our status is because of school and I also wanted to make sure that he truly wanted to date me, for real.

Anyway, so far, I like S. more than the day we first met. I am not sure where this is going, but I know that my God has a good plan. I am also glad that S. believes in Jesus because this factor is definitely important whether or not I would date someone.

So far, dating has been pretty fun. It is definitely a new experience for me and I am still learning. I like to see him and spend time with him. I typically do not spend a lot of time around others. I simply like to just do my thing. I don’t typically like to hangout that much either, but with S., I don’t mind. In fact, I enjoy his company.

Wow, this is certainly fascinating. One thing is that S. is not that complicated. His thinking is pretty much simple. He loves cars and have red hair. He also had his own YouTube channel, which I thought is cool.

Anyway, I am going to end this tonight. It has been fun writing on this page after a while of not posting this blog.

Goodnight and sleep tight. Wake up tomorrow to do your laundry and possibly study and make delicious breakfast!

God, where are you going with this?

So, where should I begin this. I might have met a person who I felt good about meeting. Although, I am at first I was wondering about where is God wants me in this? I met a guy, who I thought is adorable. He’s nice and cute. Why am I thinking as if most girls would say this when they met someone. It’s such as common phrase.

I met him at a tutoring center in college. We happened to need help with the same physics class we are taking. I remembered that I talked to him first. I asked in the air, “Are you guys doing physics?. Something along this line, then he replied. I couldn’t recall vividly what he said, but yeah, that how we met.

We met again in the same week when I went to see the Blade Runner that on show at our college’s theater. I recognize his back and when the movie ended, we said hi, and talked about “Did you finish your homework in physics?” I said “No.”

One thing about him though, whenever he was about to leave, he would always said, good luck with physics, or good luck with whatever I was doing at the time. I thought that was nice.

We met again at our physics SI, which is sort like a peer-led tutoring. I was just talking to him casually and when the SI ended he went out with someone he knew.

I honestly did not think much about any of this situation, from the beginning to the SI. I just thought that he was a nice person. I can feel the vibe. He would smiled.

So, this time is when me met again at another of our SI session, this time he sat next to me and I helped him with the stuff we went over at the end of the SI. He complimented that I should be his physics teacher. I was just happy that I was able to help him understand this hard subject. Then, we walked out together and talked for almost an hour, until I had to depart to get help with chemistry 2 lab. Oh, I forgot, we decided to exchange number.

We texted a bit and then more and more. He would tell me funny and interesting stuff about his roommate named Derek. It was funny and I laughed at how he had to go through all of those situations.

One thing that I did not know enough about him is his place in Christ. He have gone to church, however, he has not been going to church while he is in college. I would have to say that I was not a regular Sunday church attendy either last semester, but it is definitely my priority every Sunday this semester.

I will be continually to pray to my Creator about where is he going with this. God will always and will be my desired priority in life because he is the source of living water, causing us to not be thirsty if I get the water from Him.

My prayer to this is that, he will guide me to show His love towards him and that God will used me to show him, His love. I prayed that I will have a sensitive ear and spirit of what the Holy Spirit and God are telling me. I pray for courage to be a faithful representer of Christ, to be the disciple leading others to the lighthouse.

Skate and Friend are FUN

Since I was young, about 6 or 7 years of age, I remembered enjoying rollerskating around the house. It was fun, fast, and required balance.

Today, I went to skate with my sister, who does not really wanted to skate, but she was willing to along side with me. She knows how much I enjoy skating for fun.

The feeling of moving the legs, the farther the feet push against the ground, the faster I move. The feeling of the air brushing through my face. The tightened of my calves in order to move forward and my arms going back and forth to achieve the desire balance, speed, and position. The experience was grand!

Last time I was skating, I got to meet a group of boys that skated really well! They were smooth, fast, and furious (like the title of a movie, Fast and Furious). They made skating looks easy and appealing. They could skate backward and done interesting tricks. They absolutely love to stop abruptly to startle their friends and also love to play tag, you’re it!

So I got a hold of one of the boys in the group, after realizing that he was not a boy, but a young adult because he was three years older than I was. I asked him if he could teach me how to skate backward. He sort of trying to teach me how to do so, but it was actually a 7 years old boy, who could skate so well, that taught and offered me tricks on how to skate backward. He and his dad participated, but I did not achieve the move fully, but was beginning to learn so. It was a good start to my new skating-moves. I would have to say that I had actually improved my backward skating move today. I was sort of understanding about the move, but what I learned today was not to think too deeply about the motion because it made me moved stiffly, but rather to simply not look at my feet and as Nike says, “Just Do It.” So that was what I did, I just do it and the result was better! If I had a chance to skate again, I definitely wanted to improve my speed; I wanted to skate backward faster, because it is where the fun behold! I also will wear something more comfortable. I was wearing a thermal legging underneath my jeans and it was absolutely not the most comfortable to skate wearing such. I preferred wearing a good knee pads, gym shorts, and sport t-shirt while skating.

One highlight of the day was that I met a little girl named Angel and her mom, who has a nickname called Red. Red told me that she did not like the color red even though, some people called her so. I don’t remember how she acquired the name, Red, but it was certainly an interesting name. Angle, on the other hand, is as sweet and nice as her name suggested. She was friendly and helpful as she was trying to make sure I would not fall, even though, she had fallen more than three times herself, while I only fallen once. Oh, little Angel. She was so talkative and gave my sister and I a group hug before Skate World closes.

Another interesting occasion also happened at Skate World today. Even before the winter break started, I had applied to numerous jobs to work at my hometown. I applied for opening positions at a nearby groceries store, fast food restaurants, and to be a barista. I have not hear back from most of them, but for the ones that I wanted to work for such as a job to be a barista and a bagger at a grocery store, I was rejected on all of the positions at a groceries store and I think that I probably will not be getting a job as a barista either, considering the fact that I will only be working for two weeks if hired. The employers highly do not wanted to train someone who only will be working for two weeks!😆 So I think, this reasons heavily influenced why I was not offered a job 😓.

But guessed what! It is also likely that I will be getting a job soon because I went to Skate World today, not planing on getting a job there, but asked two of the employees who worked there, whether they are hiring tight now and both said, “Yes,” so I called the manager, gave him a genuine smile, and asked if he was hiring and he said the same thing and both employees told me. I told him about the 2 weeks working time frame and he was about to give me the results that other employers had previously told me, but I talked my way through until he told me to meet him tomorrow after 2 in the afternoon, and that’s when I knew, I could be getting a two week winter break job like I had hoped.

The only thing right now that would be holding me back from getting the soon to be, hopefully, funnest job I ever will have is that I might not be able to spend time with my lovely little sister, Gift. I love her so much. She makes me laugh. I can probably say that she is my best friend. I thank God for strengthen our relationship because we are getting closer to each other because of his blessings. Anyway, if I were to get this job, which hopefully will allows for me to skate as I had wanted because it is a job we are talking about here ultimately. The main reason why I was interested in the job primarily was that I could skate more; however, it might be such case. But, yeah, if I were to get this job, it would also mean that I will not spend much time with my sister or my dad. There are something that money cannot buy such as time and love. I will ask for God guidance, but I also feel like I sort of already knew the answer and I think that if I were to ask my dad, he would also tell me that it is okay not to work. My sister, on the opposite end, might supports my decision, but I can also see that she did not really want me to work either because she like having me around. It seems to me, right now, that I might not be able to have this job after all and it is not a guarantee that this job will allows for me to skate more either. I will probably be assisting customers and not skating as I wish. 🤔 So yeah.. too bad so sad, no spending money for this winter break. 😤

Before I went to Skate World, I also met up with my good high school friend, Tooba. We chatted at Starbucks, even though she arrived approximately 40 minutes late for our date. I was sort of a little frustrated at the time and considered leaving as I waited for her. I texted her wanting to say something intended to sound unappreciated about the situation, but I did not, because I thought about Jesus. I knew in my heart that Jesus will wanted me to turn the other cheeks. He reminded me of my own mistakes because I had been late in the past as well. He reminded me that we are not perfect, so when we met I greeted her with a hug. She apologized and I can saw how that she was sorry, so I dismissed the mistake. Tooba handed me a gift that she brought with her to  give to me. I was touched and was so glad that I decided on not leaving because that would affected our friendship and great conversations that we were to have. Before, I met Tooba, I had prayed that the Lord would lead the conversations and that he would allow me to be selfless and to have a nice, intimate conversations, that they would flow well, and the Lord saw that the requests were good, so he granted me a great time with my friend, Tooba amongst the aroma of coffee, people waiting for their drink at Starbucks. We had such a great time that I wanted to hangout some more, but we eventually went home because I did not want the drinks that her brother and my sister had asked us to order before we leave to be melted.

Anyway, today was fun and it is getting late, so I am heading to bed. Goodnight!

Do you see Color?

How interesting is this that as I laid my head on my pillow, praying that the Lord would help me study for my genetic test this up coming week, and as thoughts are running through my head, this one particular thought certainly got me triggered enough to open the lamp, undergoing rapid light distinction that I had to squinted my eyes. I grabbed my phone “You-tubing,” “What is white people?” Which is such as weird question to ask, but I wanted to find the answer. Perhaps I could find something about how they were raised, what they were taught, what sort of values they were being reinforce and/or punish, etc. Perhaps learning more about White people will help me to understand them better.

The thought of me at the Truck or Treat event I volunteered this evening at the High Point Village was a place where I met a girl named, I honestly couldn’t remember her name. The meeting of her led me to think about the fact that I did not have any close white friends. In fact, I feel as if there is something disconnected or not in sync. This thought made me ponder or hypothesize that how I grow up and how Whites people grow up may be different. I pray that God would allow me to see something that I have been blind to. I am not sure what else to say.

I moved to the United States 8 years ago, in 2009. I did have some worries about fitting in or making friends because I couldn’t speak the language and I look different.  Will I be able to make friends, are they going to like me, etc. Growing up in my home country, everyone is Thai, and I did not feel different. We are the majority. I felt pretty inclusive with no distinction. However, that obviously changed when I came to the United States. I can recalled perhaps 6 minutes ago, realizing that I was being labeled as Asian for the first time in America. It’s not that I didn’t know that I am Asian. It is just that I didn’t think being Asian is anything special, especially. It’s just I am Asian and so what or what about it? I also realized that people in America had this picture of how Asians were or are supposed to be and it is not that they are so wrong in doing so, but because I honestly sometimes wonder in similar maner about how other races may be like as well.

I grew up in a place that are willing to assimilate, a term I recently learned in my sociology class, which my professor described as “the willing to celebrate other culture.” Growing up in Thailand, I remember growing up learning that Thai people also like other cultures as well as their own and sometimes would also criticize their own sets of values. It is not that Thai people aren’t patriotic, it just that they also sees their own flaws, so Thai people will state the pros and cons of other cultures and compare those to themselves. I remember seeing differences as being pretty good, except maybe the Burmese because we had war with them. But Thailand loves other nations, all over. They still are today. I’m not bias here, but again that depends on your judgement. I grow up where I love and wanted to explore other nations and their people. This made me realized how racial issue in America is really a thing. I am not sure how to address it in a way that I feel would be wise.

One thing that I still am certain about how I ought to feel about race is that I don’t want to see color. I want to see people being people and not because they are black, hispanic, white, asians, or whatever, mixed race. It should not matter and does not matter. I don’t get it. We’re being taught to see color. Perhaps nature allows us to distinct our differences? Do nature do that? Do lions, tigers, wolves, rabbits, turtles, buffalos, or kangaroos hang out within their own kind? I guessed most of them do, actually. Anyway, I think that it is normal for us to hang out or be around those who we feel have the more in common to us, which explains a lot about race in particular. It make sense now. Still, I’m debating with myself here. Animal have many different definition, I used the first definition from Merriam-Webster that define animal as “any of a kingdom (Animalia) of living things including many-celled organisms and often many of the single-celled ones (such as protozoans) that typically differ from plants in having cells without cellulose walls, in lacking chlorophyll and the capacity for photosynthesis, in requiring more complex food materials (such as proteins), in being organized to a greater degree of complexity, and in having the capacity for spontaneous movement and rapid motor responses to stimulation.” Therefore, if we agree with Merriam-Webster then we are also animal, but we are the kind of animal that know truths and lies, since our ancestors ate the apple in the Garden of Eden. We have thoughts and ideas. Therefore, being racist is not right. Do you have the right to be racist? There is a law against discrimination in work place, etc, but there is not law against prejudicial, because prejudicial concerns human value, so I guess it’s okay to be racists as long as it doesn’t lead to having racist behavior? Well, why not just not be racist in the first place, so that way, we can protect others and ourselves from breaking the law? No that is not the point.

I would encourage all of you who may came upon this blog and my ponder at 3 in the morning to think about why color should not matter but seeing people for who they are despite the color factor should be something to think about. We are similar yet we are also different. We are human with set of values that we hold upon. The law of nature says something about “we are all created equal.” How true is that do you think? Obviously not so true, since there are income-gap in our nation, the division of labor, and specialization, but these things are all manmade. We need doctors and lawyers as much as we need custodians and trash collectors. We again were taught to categorize what jobs were consider more prestigious than others similar to how we are taught to see the color we feel okay with and other a little different.

I am not sure if I am arguing, persuading, simply rambling, or roughly all three of the above. At the end, I think I want to see and love people as who they are regardless of the color of their skin or how they look. Seriously, life is more to it than that.

So to all of my future friend out there who will look different from me because I don’t think there is another me in this world. I am looking forward to meeting and getting to know you regardless of how you look. I don’t want to make an assumption that you might be different from me because if I were to think as such then I also don’t think we will become friend. I want to meet you without any expectation. I simply wanted to meet you with a hopeful attitude and open mind, which I am curious to see of how this would turn out.