Lonliness

Oh, boy. Who ever thought, I had felt bored and perhaps lonely. It is not that I thought of myself as indivisible, but honestly, I don’t feel lonely, until perhaps now. I think it is good that I feel this way because when people told me, “But wont’t you be lonely?” I quickly responded to them, “No! But I can see why you would say that.” This made me realize that people do feel lonesome at times, especially in college. I honestly, do not typically feel lonely because I occupy myself with stuff I needed to do. Well, I don’t know, now, I didn’t occupy myself, so I am experiencing something quite not fun here, loneliness perhaps boredom that could quite turn into loneliness easily. I used to be really comfortable with quietness, the quieter, the better. I am typically very much so happy being by myself. Now, I wanted to go back to that phrase of being able to again enjoying my own company.

It is sad that I am feeling this way, it is truly is. I am not sure if God has place me into this position in order for me to learn something, otherwise wouldn’t. I am not sure why I am feeling this way. I have the MCAT that needed to be studied. I am taking a class in biomedical ethics that can always be learned ahead. I also can organize my room. Additionally,  I can also review old materials for the MCAT and even learned organic chemistry that I will take this fall. I can name many things that can be completed, however, where is my heart at?

Perhaps this is a side effect of a break up. I read in an article that after a break up girl will typically cry like crazy, while the guy seem to be okay initially, however, not in the long term like a month or two months later. Honestly, I think that I am a guy in this situation. I was feeling totally okay right after the break up because I feel like it was meant to be. However, I think I am feeling the side effect now, the lonesomeness. 😭😭. Anyway, the not so intelligent thing to do is to jump right into another relationship. Actually, I don’t want to restrict myself, but honestly, it would be wiser to not be in a relationship in college, in my case. I don’t need this, not now at the very least because there are goals that is ahead.

Dear God, I am not sure why I am feeling this way. I feel alone for the very first time. Perhaps, it is the side effect of my break up. It is sad. It is truly is, but I think you has place this in my life a reason and that I should rejoice. There is a verse in the Bible that mention to rejoice and give thanks even in the mist of suffering. And I knew that I am feeling something because there is a knot in my stomach. I am simply sad and I admitted it. I know there is a reason I am feeling this way, otherwise, I may not have learned what it is like to feel lonely. It kept me grounded and humbled, which is something I have been prayed for. Oh God, you’re greater than anything I could ever face in life. You are my God, my Rock, and I need as well as follow you.

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Tips to Sleeping Better

Mrs. P’s guide’s to having a better sounding sleep. Sleeping should be automatic. For instance, think about the time when you were younger when sleeping was simple. Your younger self often resist trying to go to sleep and rather be doing something else, but regardless of how hard we try to resit going to bed, most of us would have parents who would say something or we simply could not help, but get tired.

The age from puberty and on ward, from my experience, is when sleeping becomes almost not automatic. We lie there unable to have a good, quality sleep. Sleeping should be effortless and simple.

The reason why I am writing this is because of my friend. This goes to him, because I was in his shoe. I went through once or twice inadequate nights where I simply would not and could not fall asleep no matter how hard I tied.

Sleep like other areas of life comes with discipline. Some of us may be going through difficult time that cause us difficultly sleeping while other might simply abuse this natural way of life continuously in the past that lead up to what they are experiencing now, in another word they are experiencing the consequence. I was in that boat. I did not take sleeping routinely or seriously. When I became careless about sleeping I am sending signal to my body, making it works harder and abnormally. When we don’t go to sleep on time, our internal clock just get confused.

Tips that I found to be quite helpful when it comes to having difficulty falling asleep:

  1. Exercise until your felt tired then after exercise stretch so you can relax your muscle because your muscle should be so tensed from the workout. After stretching, go home and if you realized your sweat became sort of dry, shower in the cooler side of temperature (I am talking about cool water) because what you’re trying to do is to get your body temperature low then head to bed. *I typically exercise in the evening.
  2. When you’re getting ready to go to bed, try not to open blue light from your electronic devices because it can trick your brain into thinking that it is the morning time, so no wonder why you can’t fall asleep because your system has been exposed to light, making it wide awake.
  3. Try reading boring books. This tip had helped me sometimes.
  4. Try not to eat anything 2-3 hours before bedtime.
  5. Eliminate soda or any type of caffeine, this tip should be a common knowledge because if you search on web engine, “How to fall asleep” or something along this line, this tip would be at the very top of the list
  6. You MUST try going to bed ONTIME, meaning take commitment into doing this and also waking about at the same time. On-time, means not fluctuating your routine 2 hours later your committed time. Suppose, you know you bedtime is 10-9, then you to bed in that sort of interval and same goes for when you wake up, don’t just sleep-in bed when you are sort of already awake.
  7. You cannot be slothful or in another word lazy. Laziness is the pitfall in accomplishing tasks.

Knowing that it might seems hard in the beginning, but once you made a commitment to yourself, your system (your body) will also recognize this, but you have got to convince them. You may have develop an irregualr routine in the past and your system has conformed to it, now realized that you’re trying to switch your routine, so it will take times for your body to be adjusted.

-Goodluck and pray about anything that is going on to the Lord, he listens.

God, where are you going with this?

So, where should I begin this. I might have met a person who I felt good about meeting. Although, I am at first I was wondering about where is God wants me in this? I met a guy, who I thought is adorable. He’s nice and cute. Why am I thinking as if most girls would say this when they met someone. It’s such as common phrase.

I met him at a tutoring center in college. We happened to need help with the same physics class we are taking. I remembered that I talked to him first. I asked in the air, “Are you guys doing physics?. Something along this line, then he replied. I couldn’t recall vividly what he said, but yeah, that how we met.

We met again in the same week when I went to see the Blade Runner that on show at our college’s theater. I recognize his back and when the movie ended, we said hi, and talked about “Did you finish your homework in physics?” I said “No.”

One thing about him though, whenever he was about to leave, he would always said, good luck with physics, or good luck with whatever I was doing at the time. I thought that was nice.

We met again at our physics SI, which is sort like a peer-led tutoring. I was just talking to him casually and when the SI ended he went out with someone he knew.

I honestly did not think much about any of this situation, from the beginning to the SI. I just thought that he was a nice person. I can feel the vibe. He would smiled.

So, this time is when me met again at another of our SI session, this time he sat next to me and I helped him with the stuff we went over at the end of the SI. He complimented that I should be his physics teacher. I was just happy that I was able to help him understand this hard subject. Then, we walked out together and talked for almost an hour, until I had to depart to get help with chemistry 2 lab. Oh, I forgot, we decided to exchange number.

We texted a bit and then more and more. He would tell me funny and interesting stuff about his roommate named Derek. It was funny and I laughed at how he had to go through all of those situations.

One thing that I did not know enough about him is his place in Christ. He have gone to church, however, he has not been going to church while he is in college. I would have to say that I was not a regular Sunday church attendy either last semester, but it is definitely my priority every Sunday this semester.

I will be continually to pray to my Creator about where is he going with this. God will always and will be my desired priority in life because he is the source of living water, causing us to not be thirsty if I get the water from Him.

My prayer to this is that, he will guide me to show His love towards him and that God will used me to show him, His love. I prayed that I will have a sensitive ear and spirit of what the Holy Spirit and God are telling me. I pray for courage to be a faithful representer of Christ, to be the disciple leading others to the lighthouse.

I couldn’t believe I am feeling this way

I am not sure why, I am feeling this way. I don’t know it is me or her. Well, right now I only will understand my feelings. I have confessed that since I left home after I came to visit my family for the Thanksgiving break, I missed them so much. When I finally arrived back to my apartment and I felt the emptiness of the place and there was no family, not my sister or my dad. I was upset and even more upset now as I am typing, so I finally moved on quickly, didn’t know how I did it, but I simply moved on and didn’t think much about them.

Since, Thanksgiving day, I didn’t really called them either. I didn’t remember trying to call them as much. I knew that my dad would try to FaceTime me, but I didn’t take the call seriously and I didn’t even try to call back. My sister also tried to call me, but I also simply ignored. I think I am starting to taste the medicine.

To be honest, I have always been not good at keeping in touch with anyone. I simply don’t and I think it’s rooted in my selfishness or whatever they may be.

I think, this is God trying to teach me something. I think he’s trying to teach me to care for others. I know that I am selfish, but I also realized that I am very selfish.

Now, I am starting to feel sort of neglected by my sister whom I have not been thinking much of. I am starting to realized that she did missed me, but I right now I think I am sort of unintentionally pushing her away, pushing my family away and not considered. All those FaceTime called that I missed and did not attempted to call back. I must tell them and addressed it to them, because it is uncaring and selfish. I am not sure how to feel right now. I honesty am don’t know.  I feel awful, and wronged against them.

I have not been good with any of them, uncaringly. I simply do my own thing and did not pay much attention to them.

I think I must try now. I cannot expected a plant to grow beautifully on their own. I must also do the work, such as watering, giving it nutrients, pruning it, loving it, and caring for it.

Jesus please helps me as I will not be able to achieve this on my own. I am selfish, prideful, and uncaring or inconsiderate of others. Please help me see the thing that I have been blind to, please help me open my eyes O, God.

Jesus, I asked of you to help me strengthen my relationship with my family and relatives through your power and love. Please show me how to love them and be selfless when I am with them, O God.

Jesus, please help me, please help me.

What’s Mindfulness and Ego?

I just had a talked with a, about to be resigned, professor who if he were not to retire, would have been my professor to intro to computer science class, next semester. However, he told me that his wife is ill, therefore, he needs to spend this time together and potentially travel to Spain with their two daughters. He was a person whom told me about this term “mindfulness.” It is a term I have heard of before, but did not put in much thought to it. He also mentioned the word, “ego.”

Professor Benitez Noe has all grey hair, not that much wriggle, and a great smile and teeth. If I had to guessed his age, he might be well around, about 65-68 years of age, taking into context that he would still be teaching. He got his doctorate at the University of Purdue, a pretty well known university and the Purdue.owl website, is the website, in which, I used to do a better citation.

Anyway, I don’t know what the Bible tells me about these terms, mindfulness and ego. If I searched, it would be interested to see these terms in the Bible.

Now, that Dr. Benitez mentioned the term, ego, I am starting to question myself that I might have had experienced this term before. I simply didn’t know that it has a term in itself. I wonder if ego and pride correlates. I, for sure, knew that pride is something I have experienced with and still am praying about it. I know that Jesus has been working within me about pride because I had been feeling really good recently and meeting people is not wrenchingly uncomfortable.

This is certainly interesting to me. Perhaps, one of the reason why I didn’t get an A in genetics was part due to myself, referring to my ego. I didn’t put in my best work for this class and I should have waited to take this class later in the year. I approached it incorrectly when my background in biology isn’t quite solid, rather my studying skills isn’t quite solid either.

Anyway, I learn something today and should might as well be celebrated for and talking to Dr. Benitez was certainly interesting. He seems wise.

From now, I will continue to hold on to Jesus and ask for his direction. I will still be praying about my sins and trusting in Him to work on those. This is certainly a fascinating day, having conversation with people and learning about their experience is treasure.

I love and thank you, Jesus for this opportunity. I learned about the words ego and mindfulness was intriguing. I will look into them more. Is it in God’s plan for me to look into this?

Another Day To Be Praised

I have had 2 great days in a row and it was all because of Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and God.

People often say that God will grant us happiness when we walk with him and that he will satisfy, fulfill, and reward us for a walk with him. I remembered praying about wanting to experience the journey with Him, and the past two days has been amazing, and I cannot wait for more of his plans. I have been praying to him about wanting to love people just as he would want me to love them. I also asked him for direction and guidance of how to love his people, his creation.

I have also been praying to him about my pridefulness and because I got a lot of those going on and it is causing me to be unable to connect with people and to view them just as broken as I am. I want God to show me how to love people, to be kind and gentle. I want to view people according to how God would want me to see them.

I also been praying for my action to reflect Him, so that when people see me, they can ask me why I am this or that way, then I can point and credit God and to tell them that it is because of Him I am this way and that without him I am super broken and unstable in all of my ways.

I want to be God’s good representation, to be the little light house on the hill for the broken, the lost to see, and once they arrive, I will welcome them and tell them about the one who built this house, the one who furnished the floor and ceiling. That this light house was a wreak, but because of God, this light house is under going a lifetime improvement and is waiting until the day that the builder return to proclaim his great name!

How uncoincidental is God’s work. I’ve been praying to him about wanting to love people according to Him. I am on a plan (devotional) on my Bible App about Love Like Jesus. And just a couple of minutes ago as I was opening my Instagram and the feature image popped up about “Love one another,” just according to my prayer to Christ. I am in awe and amaze of God’s work and timing. Thank you, Jesus.

Delicious Lunch

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Another praises adding to this is what a delicious lunch I had today! I warmed up my leftover burrito bowl I bought yesterday from the Market at Stangel/Murdough student residential hall. I do not have leftover because I finish all my food most of time time, unless I am in a hurry or the food was too much. The reason for my leftover was the ladder. In addition to my leftover burrito bowl, I decided to make scrabble eggs to go with it, which tasted great. I found out about adding milk (I use almond milk) to my eggs made them soft and fluffy just as how I liked them. I remebered thinking how this lunch tasted great, was more delicious and special, which I thanked him more.

I also had a great time listening to lectures in my sociology and genetics class. At the end of my sociology lecture, I decided to tell Dr. Koch how entertaining his lecture was today (as the talk made me smile and I had great time listening to his stories), which I also thanked God more.