If I were to tell this to anyone, they must think I am mad. What is a purpose of living? No, no, I am not thinking short. It is just that I don’t understand the world we live in. Today, I am questioning my purpose? What if I become homeless? Living in the jungle? Is my purpose to please my family? To wish them well. My dad brought me here for a better life? I guessed so. Is it? It must have been. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have made the decision?

Get education

Get a job

Work

Get marry

Have children

Live

Raise children

Pass on the genes

Live

Try to raise them well

Selfishness

Cycle

Eat

Quietness

What is our purpose?

What gives us our purpose?

Dear God, I must have forgotten my purpose of my I am on this earth.

I am cynical and skeptical. I demand questions. I watch a tv and starting to question.

If I were to tell this to my dad, he would simply laughed it off. If I tell this to my sister she would do the same and if I tell this to my mom, so would she too act the same.

That’s why I write it here. No feedback. Just me. What is the purpose of living? To be happy? I suppose.

I don’t understand.

If I were to say this thought to anyone, they must think I am crazy and is thinking short. But I am asking a question. I am not sure if I demand an answer.  I am saying what is the point when I am not happy.

Lonliness

Oh, boy. Who ever thought, I had felt bored and perhaps lonely. It is not that I thought of myself as indivisible, but honestly, I don’t feel lonely, until perhaps now. I think it is good that I feel this way because when people told me, “But wont’t you be lonely?” I quickly responded to them, “No! But I can see why you would say that.” This made me realize that people do feel lonesome at times, especially in college. I honestly, do not typically feel lonely because I occupy myself with stuff I needed to do. Well, I don’t know, now, I didn’t occupy myself, so I am experiencing something quite not fun here, loneliness perhaps boredom that could quite turn into loneliness easily. I used to be really comfortable with quietness, the quieter, the better. I am typically very much so happy being by myself. Now, I wanted to go back to that phrase of being able to again enjoying my own company.

It is sad that I am feeling this way, it is truly is. I am not sure if God has place me into this position in order for me to learn something, otherwise wouldn’t. I am not sure why I am feeling this way. I have the MCAT that needed to be studied. I am taking a class in biomedical ethics that can always be learned ahead. I also can organize my room. Additionally,  I can also review old materials for the MCAT and even learned organic chemistry that I will take this fall. I can name many things that can be completed, however, where is my heart at?

Perhaps this is a side effect of a break up. I read in an article that after a break up girl will typically cry like crazy, while the guy seem to be okay initially, however, not in the long term like a month or two months later. Honestly, I think that I am a guy in this situation. I was feeling totally okay right after the break up because I feel like it was meant to be. However, I think I am feeling the side effect now, the lonesomeness. 😭😭. Anyway, the not so intelligent thing to do is to jump right into another relationship. Actually, I don’t want to restrict myself, but honestly, it would be wiser to not be in a relationship in college, in my case. I don’t need this, not now at the very least because there are goals that is ahead.

Dear God, I am not sure why I am feeling this way. I feel alone for the very first time. Perhaps, it is the side effect of my break up. It is sad. It is truly is, but I think you has place this in my life a reason and that I should rejoice. There is a verse in the Bible that mention to rejoice and give thanks even in the mist of suffering. And I knew that I am feeling something because there is a knot in my stomach. I am simply sad and I admitted it. I know there is a reason I am feeling this way, otherwise, I may not have learned what it is like to feel lonely. It kept me grounded and humbled, which is something I have been prayed for. Oh God, you’re greater than anything I could ever face in life. You are my God, my Rock, and I need as well as follow you.