After a Relationship

I am feeling somewhat alone and wanted someone to go out and eat with today. I can text some of my friends, but it seems to me that there is this one person I had like to share my time with.

Before, my getting in a relationship, I was doing thing by myself just fine. I had go to Chipotle and order a veggie bowl and bring it back to eat at my dorm just fine. Which this convinced me that I can do it now just fine as well. I had like to text some of my guy friends, however, I don’t want to give a wrong impression of me liking them because I don’t and am only looking to be friend.

I did it

So, finally, after quite some time of deliberating what to do, I finally did it. I sort of faced my fear. I know for sure that I still, in fact, like him, because I cannot stop thinking about him. It is hard for me to admit it, but it’s true. So what I did was I asked to meet up. He showed up and I can’t contain myself but had to tell him that. There is perhaps some part of me that is still withholding some of the things I am feeling, but at least I am facing something unknown. I try to think positive and to not worry. I still strongly believe that a relationship is suppose to help you grow. Therefore, it is healthy.

The last thing I want is to not worry him about stuff. It would break my heart to know that I am doing that. Hopefully, thing can simply be casual and natural. Do not settle is the word that will be my motto.

I wish this friendship the best if I think of him as a friend then, it’s much easier for me because I do expect a lot of things. Therefore, we should take it slow like really slow.

How do I feel about him? I like him. He’s interesting, can be weird sometimes, but overall interesting. He is nice, however, I really wanted to take it slow. I will not rush into anything. This is something to definitely be aware.

Dear God, I wanted this relationship to be focus on you, even though, he is not there with me. Regardless of such, I know where my eyes should be focusing. I must focus only on you. Help me God. I prayed for self-control and intersection with him with a lot of people.

Self-Awareness

I starting to realize why I don’t want to be in relationship.

  1. The guy has to be worth it
  2. I must be able to express myself and be truthful, not only to the other person, but also to myself
  3. I need to not be self-fish and be overly sensitive
  4. Be able to tell or regulate why a certain things is bothering me
  5. If it bothers me, I must be able to internalize whether it is reasonable to discuss to the person or I can rationalize it and overcome the concern

So, this is a few things I am able to sort of conclude. Hoping for many mores and for a good semester! Thank God for the wisdom he has given me.

You Know Marriage has Pros and Cons

Growing up, I learned to see that marriage is more difficult than the good times. Therefore, I begin to understand why I am not fully enjoy the idea of being in a relationship. My dad always told me to focus in school. This voice rings in my head sometimes when it is convenience. I did not grow up doing things together with my family. I don’t see them spending time together very much. They don’t even sleep together because they were sometimes annoyed with each other. So marriage to me seems like a difficult thing more than pleasant, which is why the notion of being married seem more daunting than joyful.

I honestly think that my dad tries to make the marriage work as well, he calls my mom all the time oversea. He is the one who makes the effort, which is grand. I am not sure what he thinks. He doesn’t really discussed stuff like this to me. They also like to play the blame game, like children.

My sister and I on the other hand now realized that we should definitely keep in touch with each other. She is a person who knows me and saw all part of my goods and mischievous. I need to make the effort to be in a good relationship with her before being with anybody else. One thing I learned from my dad is that if you cannot love those closest to you well then how will you extend your love far away.  No matter how I had like to text my ex to explain to him that I still need to discover what I want before I can be with anyone, makes the most sense to me. It is not like I didn’t like him. I just need times to learn about myself. Anyway, I am glad I came to this analysis with this relationship, which is why relationship to me seems daunting and unnecessary pain than would otherwise been. It seems to me like a difficult task that isn’t worthwhile. There has been time when I thought that it is better off to simply be alone and happy than being with someone and miserable.

My parents does not even live together, however, remain married. They like each other. They care for each other. They have differences. Their personality is also different, but somehow they still remain marry and not get a divorce. I am glad they decided as such, otherwise, my sister and I would have had a different experience. No one in my dad nor my mom’ side have had a divorce. Divorce in my culture is heavily looked down upon. Once you vow to marry someone, you stay together until it works, as simply as that. You adjust, you work it out until it remains.

Another thing to learn from is how to not repeat my parents’ stories. I have heard that being together, partially, having to do with loving each other to an extend, but sometimes, love, in itself, may not necessarily kept the marriage, but rather, forgiveness is what kept it alive.

One thing to take note when it comes to relationship with family or whoever, is quality time and not being selfish or egolistic, but learning how to give without wanting in return. That right there, is part of the recipe. GIVE. I also need to add that honest and open minded communication also contribute to the deliciousness. ENDURANCE.

Now specifically regarding a relationship with a potential someone. I think that putting ourself in their shoes is important. The thought is also important, instead of wondering why won’t he text me back, it should be that it is okay that he won’t text me back, think it straight. Not texting back immediately does not mean that he is annoy with you nor doesn’t love/like you, it just means that he is doing something else or maybe he just doesn’t know how to reply back. And if he’s playing game with you then it is simply uncool and needed to be addressed. Not immediately reply to a text doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like/love you. It may not be anything to do personally.

It is simply as such, assumption kills the relationship. Cynicism also kills the relationship.  It is also not true that you cannot love anyone. You can love. But love and trust takes TIME and BALANCE OF POSITIVE ASSUMPTIONS —> UNDERSTANDING.

What I learned/ing Today

It is fascinating that one class has allowed me to think and I really mean Think. I came to a class with an expectation that it will be interesting as I have also heard from my friend, Tooba that biomedical ethics was a class she has found to be interesting. I came to the class with a positive mindset about it and as the course went on (today is our day 3) it has  struck me that wow, it makes me think. Okay, so you get the point that this class unlocked my thinking power whereas I might have been too lazy to think or to simply say, “oh well,” and did not care much less.

I am not sure if with the combination of the lack of sleep, which has heavily take part in that I am a little (or more) all over the place. I like to evaluate. I evaluate my past relationship, the topics of discussion happened today during class, etc. I evaluate pattern and behavior–this is possibly the way I am.

I am simply glad that I was partially set myself up to take this course, perhaps unconsciously or subconsciously that I had planed on taking it. I was hesitate whether or not to take this course in the beginning, and had thought of dropping it, however, if I were to drop the course, it will show on my transcript as a withdraw, which I didn’t want an unnecessarily withdrawal. Additionally, I wouldn’t be able to get a single refund for the tuition, so I continue on with the class. The main reason for hesitating whether to take the course was mostly has to do with the amount tuition, however, my conscious perhaps subconscious lead me to take the course.

My time management have got to improve.

Sometimes, it is important to do what is best for yourself first in a context, this may sounds selfish, however, take this instances for example, my friend asked if I had wanted to play tennis today at 5:30, well, I do, I really do want to play, but I know that I am tired and needed rest. I also got homework that also needs to be done. If I were to think that well,  I should play anyway because this friend, after all is a nice guy and that he invited me, and I didn’t want to reject him. Well, this won’t be good. Do what is needed to be done first in a certain context or situation. Even if I were to g play with him, 1) I won’t have as much fun, because I was too tired and perhaps he will be too, because the game was not interesting, 2) the game will be spent mostly on picking up balls instead of hitting back and fourth because I need to rest and be rejuvinated.

I also learned that I am not as direct when I am talking to someone whom I am not yet comfortable talking to, so with someone I haven’t known for very long, I tend to speak in an indirect manner in order to not hurt their feelings. With my sister, I used to be quite direct almost to the point of judgmental and critical when I try to tell her something, but I have gotten better at talking to her that whenever I wanted to recommend her about something I will speak to her gentler, she listens and will not feel hurt or criticize by it.  It is true that thoughts lead to action, sometimes we’re not sure why we acted a certain way, but there are subconscious thought that dictates our perception and also action.

I learned this at my work place as well! That we communicates more than by words! It is simply interesting. We spoke about this in my Sunday Bible School that whatever we do, we should perform as if serving for the Lord and by doing so, would allow us to be less selfish.

What I also learned at work is to complete the task I have been assign well and with the best intention.

 

Lessons Learned About a Relationship

One thing, I learned after a break up is to be absolutely sure (in the future) that I am certain, 100%, wanted to be in a relationship with the person and that there is no”luke warm” feelings or thought such as I like him, but… or sure, why not.. sort of thought when considering dating someone.

The Lord taught me as well that the person who read and follow God’s word, has similar values that come from God, is more likely to treat the girl/guy they are dating in a manner that God directs and desires. For me, I had like to be friend with a person before I want to be in a relationship with him because friendship last longer and getting to know the person as a friend first is important.

I also learned to wait for the physical contact until wayyy later in the relationship. Instead spend time talking to the person and getting to know him/her. Of course, this should come naturally because you have an interest in the person. The conversation shouldn’t feel force, but flows naturally when talking to someone you like to know more. The conversation should feel enjoyable and the longer the relationship, the different topic of conversations should will “pop up,” allowing you to see different sides of the person, getting to know more of who they are. As long as you want to be around the person and wanted to know about him/her then that is a good indication that you like someone. Think about the subject you like to learn, you tend to do well in it, so anything you like, you tend to be good at, because you enjoy doing and doesn’t feel like a chore. If you can talk to the person and that person is your best friend, then the relationship should be stronger. The main focus for a relationship is the communication, small, big, deep talk, any sort of talk, honesty talk, the list goes on. The physical side of a relationship may not be as important as the communication in the beginning of a relationship. However, you may ask, how will I know if I have chemistry with the person? The answer to this question is that you’ll just feel it. You will sometimes feel like hugging or kissing the person, but from my experience (however this is totally up to you) waiting for this physical side of thing is better and should be determine wayyyyyy later I the relationship. And by wayyyyy later has no particular timeline, you will know when you feel ready and that your relationship feel solid and you feel like you learn so much about the person and that you’re both truly ready for the next step. Also, treat physical intimacy (that is not sex because sex is a gift from God and should be waited until marriage) with cautious because the Lord mention about purity and lust in the Bible. It will be alarming when both parties feel the void in the relationship with physical contact because the communication isn’t as strong. The physical intimacy will arrive when both want to validate that our communication is strong. If I have to set a timeline, and if I were to date someone in the future, I would spend as much time talking to the person in public, with a group of friends, etc. I wouldn’t bring him to talk at my place. I would meet him in public where it is easier to talk more and to get to know the person. There are so many locations to talk: the park, a coffee shop, literally could be anywhere. Also, do different activity together to find out more about him/her such as go on a hike, play bowling, watch movie at a movie theater, volunteer/community service etc.

I also, will not control and be pushy about the relationship, I would not expect or rush anything, but simply spend time and getting to know the person. I would absolutely not expect because if I were to expect something and my expectations weren’t met then I set myself up for disappointments. I simply will evaluate the person according who he is and I will be mindful that the beginning phrase of a relationship is the trickiest part. The beginning of a relationship is the impress-the-person phrase, what’s valuable and weights more is the later part of the relationship when the beginning phrase has passed. Caring for someone and him/her caring for you in a relationship in a later term should indicate how the person will treat you if he/she were to marry you in the future.

Another advice I learned is that the relationship itself will not be able to full-fill me in the way that only my Creator can. If both parties love God and seek Him, it is a better indication that both parties will love each other more purely because both love God.

Now that I am typing about relationship and dating, I knew that right now I don’t think I had like to date anyone anytime soon, because I had like to work and be happy (be closer to God and seek his fulfillment) and another is that being in a relationship requires maturity, selflessness, and commitment. It is work that shouldn’t feel like work when you truly enjoy the person.

The reason why I ended my first 3 months relationship is because I am simply not ready to be in a relationship. This relationship tired and worries me more than had helped me academically and mentally. I simply know that this relationship is not right for me in a sense that I am not secure about the relationship. In another word, my first relationship is not solid and requires work and attention from both parties. It is also important that a relationship I am in be a God-centered one, a relationship that will help me grow closer to the Lord, not farther away. A relationship should make you be a better person, introduce you to new things, feel fun, exciting, caring, and nurturing. A relationship should not bring you down, makes you worry about nonsense and makes you feel crazy. A healthy relationship should makes you healthier.

If I can sum up the advice I give to you and especially to myself about dating is 1. to date someone when I am absolutely, 100% want to date the person, 2. do not force a person to do anything, 3. wait for physical intimacy, 4. get to know the person as a friend first, 5. evaluate the relationship whether it makes me feel closer to God, and 6. do I like the person, wanting to know more about him, therefore, date him.

 

Relationship

Done For Me – Charlie Puth

Well, relationship is crazy when you make it. Hey, honestly, I learned and it is okay. At least I learned a lot about myself. I do. I learned about how selfish I am when it comes to having a relationship with someone. I also learned that I am needy and have high expectation. But then, from now on I am not going to dwell. It is the feeling I have when I ran a mile. I wanted to complete the task I set my mind to, but it was so hard and I am weak. I tried and it is painful to keep going, but I know that I wanted to keep going.

Now this guy, I know I like him and being the selfish person that I am. I expected his love as well. I don’t know how this is going still, but I know that I am going to learn how to love someone this time. I am going to. I will try my best.

I will be strong-er. If there is not something I learned from this relationship, well, then there is no point. At the very least, I ought to be strong, to stand on my two feet. God would like for me to be strong as well. There is no point to being sad and perhaps this is what college are suppose to teach me. The experiences. There is no point in worrying if there is someone else out there or not. Make today the best you can. You don’t hav to focus too much on the future, just make today the best that you can.

Get rid of all the expectations. Do the best you can. Be the better version of yourself. Learn from the mistakes, but not dwell on it.

Also, unlike your parents’ love, which has already been given and even bigger is God’s love. Relationship that I am going to have with someone right now, I am NOT going to expect unless I have done all I could.